Roland Young credited as playing...
Cosmo Topper
- Eddie, the Chauffeur: Pardon me, boss, but could I sort of inquire what we're going to the Carrington place for?
- Cosmo Topper: To look for a body.
- Eddie, the Chauffeur: Better look for one for me, too, 'cause the one I'm using now is numb.
- Sgt. Roberts: Why did you kill her?
- Cosmo Topper: I didn't!
- Sgt. Roberts: That's only ONE man's opinion.
- Cosmo Topper: I can prove it.
- Sgt. Roberts: How?
- Cosmo Topper: Leave me alone in that room for a minute.
- Sgt. Roberts: Ho-ho, I'm not THAT dumb.
- Bob: Well, that's only one man's opinion, too.
- Sgt. Roberts: So you admit there is a body.
- Cosmo Topper: Yes. I came over here to look for it.
- Sgt. Roberts: Well, how did you know it was here?
- Cosmo Topper: She told me.
- Sgt. Roberts: She? Who's she?
- Cosmo Topper: The dead girl.
- Cosmo Topper: Would you mind telling me where you ladies are taking me?
- Ann Carrington: To the Carrington Estate.
- Eddie, the Chauffeur: Uh-oh.
- Ann Carrington: Is there anything wrong with the Carrington place?
- Eddie, the Chauffeur: Yes, ma'am! If there wasn't anybody livin' there, it would be a haunted house.
- Clara Topper: I think its ridiculous for a man of your age to pursue young girls. What will the neighbors think?
- Cosmo Topper: I didn't pursue them, Clara. They forced themselves on me.
- Clara Topper: Don't be absurd! Imagine girls, pretty girls, forcing themselves on a paunchy, middle-aged man.
- Cosmo Topper: Why, I don't think I'm paunchy.
- Clara Topper: Don't try to change the subject! At least you might have waved to me when you went by!
- Cosmo Topper: I've explained that, darling. I couldn't. That girl was sitting on my lap.
- Clara Topper: I know she was! I warn you, Cosmo. If ever you do a thing like this again, I'm going back to Mama.
- Cosmo Topper: Well, I might be a little over weight. But, I'm certainly not paunchy! In fact, I'm in pretty good shape, for the shape I'm in. After all, I'm a banker - not a glamour boy.
- Cosmo Topper: Get out of my bed!
- Gail Richards: I won't! Not unless you come with me.
- Cosmo Topper: You get out of my bed or I'll tell Mrs. Topper.
- Gail Richards: What will you tell her?
- Cosmo Topper: I'll tell her you're in my bed! Oh, no. I can't very well tell her that.
- Cosmo Topper: I've lost the body. I've lost my car. If I don't get out of here very soon, I'll lose my mind!
- Cosmo Topper: Good heavens, why should anyone want to kill Miss Carrington?
- Gail Richards: Well, they killed me, didn't they.
- Cosmo Topper: Yes, I can understand that.
- Ann Carrington: Where did you last see her?
- Cosmo Topper: She was sitting on a table in the hall and she hung my hat on a Chinaman's foot.
- Gail Richards: [Getting into Cosmo's car] Mind if I sit on your lap?
- Cosmo Topper: Oh, uh, really, my dear young lady...
- Ann Carrington: I'm very sorry to inconvenience you but we had a blow-out!
- Gail Richards: Ah, this is comfortable. Well, what are we waiting for?
- Gail Richards: Didn't your Ma ever tell you to knock on a ladies bedroom door before you barge in?
- Cosmo Topper: This is most embarrassing. Why couldn't you have stayed the way you were?
- Gail Richards: A negligee's hardly appropriate for solving crimes.