Moe Howard: Moe

Squareheads of the Round Table

Moe

Larry: Cedric, old boy, don't let it get you down.
Shemp: No. Just one fftt, and it's all over.
Cedric the Blacksmith: Thanks. You're brave men. It will be an honor to go to the block with you.
Moe, Larry, Shemp: [modestly] Oh...
[flinching]
Shemp: What?
Moe: You mean they're gonna give us the works, too?
Cedric the Blacksmith: Didn't you know?
Moe, Larry, Shemp: No!
Cedric the Blacksmith: We all die together.
Moe: Oh, no. I gotta get myself a cheap lawyer.
Shemp: And I just bought two new hats.
Larry: I can't die. I haven't seen "The Jolson Story".

Soldier: Which one of you is Cedric the blacksmith?
Moe: Not me. We're three troubadours on the way to the court of King Arthur.
Soldier: Troubadours?
Shemp: Yeah, sing and dancing, like this. A one, a two, a three.
Shemp, Moe, Larry: [singing] So, we stuck our little tootsies in the water/And we ducked under the waves, we dip, ha ha.
Soldier: [slapping them] If you're troubadours, why the armor?
Shemp: Well, listen, sarge, did you ever see a troubadour get hit in the kisser with a nice, ripe tomato? Look, you see a tomato coming...
[shutting the mask of his helmet]
Shemp: ...wham! You close the door.
[opening it again]
Shemp: When the critics are all through, then you open it up again.
Moe: And the way we sing, sometimes they throw rocks.
Soldier: I can believe that.

Moe: Let's dance.
Larry: What'll we use for music?
Moe: Turn on the radio!
Larry: Are you kidding? This is ancient times!
Moe: This is an ancient radio!
[Sure enough, they step over to a real ancient radio, with a square aerial on top, and switch it on. After a commercial for suits of armor, a banjo plays "Old Folks at Home."]

Shemp: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! How do I know the dame won't scream her head off when she sees me?
Moe: I wouldn't blame her.

Soldier: If you see Cedric the smith, report the news to the Black Prince and you'll be well-rewarded. He's sworn to have Cedric's head.
Larry: What does he want Cedric's head for? Ain't he got one of his own?
Shemp: You dope. Two heads are better than one.
Larry: Two heads are better!
[they laugh; Moe joins them sarcastically, then slaps them]
Moe: [doing the "beheading" gesture] You idiots. They're gonna give him a haircut down to here.
Larry: I'd hate to be in his shoes.
Shemp: I'd hate to be in his collar.
Moe: I'd hate to be him.

Shemp: [watching the executioner sharpen his ax] It's sharp medicine, but it's a sure cure for all diseases.
Moe: Maybe so, but I'll take penicillin.

Moe: You know that Black Prince character, the guy that tried to kill our pal Cedric?
Shemp, Larry: Yes.
Moe: Well, he's gonna kill the king.
Shemp, Larry: No!
Moe: Yes. But we'll spoil his little racket.
Shemp, Larry: How?
Moe: I don't know.