Debbie Reynolds: Maggie Putnam

It Started with a Kiss

Maggie Putnam

Maggie Putnam: That Stage Manager, he's right out to "Mutiny on the Bounty," domineering bully!
Belvah: Well, there's no sense fighting him. Give a little, get a little: that's my theory.

Belvah: It might sound corny, but, honestly, money does not buy happiness.
Maggie Putnam: Well, in the immortal words of Joe E. Lewis, "You just give me the money, baby, I'll do my own shopping."

Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: Obviously, you're interested in money. So, how much would it cost for one hour of your time?
Maggie Putnam: A million dollars.
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: I'll give you five bucks, cash.
Maggie Putnam: Don't bother. I'm busy.
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: How about six?

Maggie Putnam: I was just saying that the air from the river is the best! It's so clean and invigorating.
Alwin Ashley: Well, perhaps you'd come over and help me enjoy it later tonight?
Maggie Putnam: Well, that would hardly be proper.
Alwin Ashley: Well, I know; but, there's no fun in being proper. It's very dull.
Maggie Putnam: Oh, yes, that's true; but, a girl must think of appearances, Mr. Ashley.

Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: Say, how about you and me going someplace where we can have some privacy?
Maggie Putnam: Tell me something, what does it take to convince you you're not wanted? A gun?
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: Hey, now, just a minute. You get yourself all fixed up, you borrow a pretty dress, and what for? To attract a man, right? Well, okay, so, you attracted one. I'm sorry if I'm not what you wanted. I'm sorry I'm not the King of Europe. You don't have that much to beef about.

Maggie Putnam: I assume you're a bachelor?
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: Devout.
Maggie Putnam: What's your excuse?
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: Well, let's see, I think it's just because I keep falling in love with girls that I don't like.

Maggie Putnam: What are you doing?
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: I want to find out something.
Maggie Putnam: Yeah, what-what-what, what is it?
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: It's all right. Now, just relax. Hold still... this is nothing but research.
Maggie Putnam: Not-not-not...
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: Pure research.
Maggie Putnam: Don't you do it.
[Joe leans in for a long, first kiss]
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: Man, I sure found out.
Maggie Putnam: Your certainly not going to be a bore. You'll probably turn out to be charming and interesting and all kinds of fun and I'll probably fall for you. Darn it! Just my lousy luck!
[leans in and gives Joe multiple kisses]

Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: Maggie, listen, about that surprise you had, can we talk about it now?
Maggie Putnam: Oh, it's a gasser!
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: Why didn't you write about it in your letters to me?
Maggie Putnam: Because, I wanted to be with you and watch you flip!

Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: Everything all right now?
Maggie Putnam: Mmm-hmm. Everything always seems all right when you're kissing me.

Maggie Putnam: Now, let's get one thing settled. I'm not going to be ordered around by any sub-normal, self-important army official.
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: Now, wait a minute. It's not that simple. You're not a civilian any more, Maggie. You've got to take orders or else.
Maggie Putnam: All right, I'll take or else.

Maggie Putnam: I'm conceited, egoistic, vain, whatever you want to call it. But, I'm not ordinary.
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: But, to me you're not ordin- ordinary. To you, you're not ordinary. But, honey, believe me, to the Air Force, you're ordinary.

Maggie Putnam: It wouldn't prove anything if we stayed married just because we like to sleep together! I want more from a marriage than that. A lot more!
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: Well how can you get anything from a marriage if you don't live together as man and wife?
Maggie Putnam: Joe, I've got to be certain I don't stay with you for the wrong reasons.
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: All right, now, wait-wait-wait...
Maggie Putnam: Now, you mustn't make love to me! If you do, I'll leave.
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: Oh, this is murder.
Maggie Putnam: Now, yes, well, I better leave. I really better.
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: No! No, no, wait! You win. Anything you say, now. Have it your way. Now, now go to bed. I won't bother ya. I may cry a little bit during the night; but, I won't bother you.

Maggie Putnam: First class is better than third class. That's not a delusion.
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: Now, listen, wait a minute. I eat as well and I sleep as well as any millionaire. And, as a matter of fact, I have twice as many laughs. There's nothing third class about that.

Maggie Putnam: You're pretty.
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: And easy to get too! As a matter of fact, you might even get...
Maggie Putnam: No suggestive remarks, please.

Maggie Putnam: I'm warning you, that judo session you put me through this morning is something I do not want repeated.
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: When a husband leaves for work, it's only natural to want to kiss his wife goodbye.
Maggie Putnam: It's not natural to kiss anyone goodbye until you put your clothes on.

Maggie Putnam: Talk about a one track mind! Joe, our marriage is all wrong.
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: Oh, come on, now. Any marriage is wrong when you take the *sex* out of it! What's the matter? Are you smarter than Freud?

Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: Maggie, will you stop this nonsense?
Maggie Putnam: Me! All I asked is to forget about sex for one single month! And it's only two days and already you're acting like some kind of - - an animal. It's disgusting!

Maggie Putnam: He's the best bullfighter in the world and he's fighting tomorrow and before the fight, we're invited to his apartment to watch him get dressed.
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: Watch him get dressed? Who wants to watch a man get dressed?
Maggie Putnam: I do!
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: Well, you never watch me get dressed. What is this Soriano character got that I haven't got?
Maggie Putnam: Watching a bullfighter get dressed is a formal ceremony. It's a great honor to be invited!
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: Well, does he start from scratch?
Maggie Putnam: You are impossible.
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: You know, I was just thinkin', maybe this Mar-who's-it...
Maggie Putnam: Marquesa.
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: Marquesa, would invite us to watch Jayne Mansfield getting dressed.
[smiles]
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: Now, that would be some ceremony!
[laughs]

Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: This bullfighting, it's a rough business.
Maggie Putnam: It doesn't seem as rough as prizefighting or football.
Marquesa Marion de la Rey: Oh, it's different. But, any contact sports are rough, but, they're not a matter of life and death.
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: That's right. You see, this is more of a - art, than a sport.
Marquesa Marion de la Rey: Like a love affair.
Sgt. Joe Fitzpatrick: Yeah, I guess you'd call that a bodily contact sport. Certainly no sport if it isn't.
[Maggie rolls her eyes]