- Estelle Penfield: What happened? All those muscles!
- Circle Z Female Guest: It's not just the muscles, honey. You gotta know what to do with them.
- Lonnie Beale: Stanley, if one won't start, the other won't start.
- Stanley Potter: Why?
- Lonnie Beale: Because they're both wet. W-E-T. Wet.
- Stanley Potter: I always say on a hay ride, it isn't the hay that counts, it's the... hey, hey, hey!
- Lonnie Beale: [singing] It's a long, lonely highway, gettin' longer all the time, And if she don't come and get me, Well, I'm gonna lose my mind...
- Brad Bentley: I understand you're the kind of saddle tramp that doesn't like to stay long in one place.
- Lonnie Beale: At least I know horses. The ones with long ears are usually jackasses.
- Lonnie Beale: [singing] All you do is give a sigh, And beat around the bush, Can it be that you're too shy, To give yourself a little old push, Can you or can't you tell me yes...
- Lonnie Beale: [singing] I hear you're pretty good at runnin', But pretty soon you'll slip and fall, That's when I'll drag you home with me girl, I'm gonna chain you to the wall. You know I'm lookin' for you baby, I ain't gonna take it layin' down, I heard that you were cookin' baby, Way on the other side of town. I've got a dirty, dirty feelin', Dirty feelin's goin' on...
- Lonnie Beale: [singing] Slowly but surely I'm gonna wear you down, Slowly but surely I'm gonna bring you round, To my way of thinking, my way of kissing, my way of lovin'...
- Estelle Penfield: [assessing all the food Stanley is wheeling on a cart to bring to the guests Mr. & Mrs. Dabney] Stanley! For us?
- Stanley Potter: Mrs. Penfield! They're for our guests, Mr. and Mrs. Dabney. They put money in this place. Naturally we cant put them on a diet.
- Mrs. Dabney: Down the hatch!
- Stanley Potter: Hello, Mr. Dabney, sir!
- Mr. Dabney: [as Stanley starts serving the couple their 2 cornish hens] There he is! End of the line, boy. Put them right here.
- Mrs. Dabney: Don't they look wonderful?
- Mr. Dabney: Oh yes, indeedy!
- Stanley Potter: This one's for you, Mr. Dabney.
- Mr. Dabney: Why thank you. Now I can serve the rest.
- Stanley Potter: Yes sir, Mr. Dabney.
- Mr. Dabney: All right.! You've got to hand it to Vera. When she throws a party she doesn't fool around.
- [Estelle Penfield sneakily lifts Mr. Dabney's cornish hen from behind the bush with a long serving fork while his mind is occupied on the ambrosia wine]
- Mr. Dabney: Now what's this? Oh, ambrosia! Pour a little wine, dear.
- Mrs. Dabney: Oh yes. thank you.
- Mr. Dabney: [Suddenly discovering that his chicken is missing] Hey it's gone!
- Mrs. Dabney: Did you say something?
- Mr. Dabney: Well, didn't the boy put a chicken on that plate, or am I going crazy?
- Mrs. Dabney: Well, he certainly put a chicken on your plate, I saw it.
- Mr. Dabney: I thought so. Ohhh!
- Mrs. Dabney: [as Estelle makes an attempt to steal Mrs. Dabney's chicken] Now you have my chicken, honey! Honey!
- [Estelle accidentally pokes Mrs. Dabney in the butt]
- Mrs. Dabney: OWWWW! Ahhh! I've been stabbed! Ohhh! Something bit me!
- Mr. Dabney: What's going on here?
- Mrs. Dabney: Something bit me and it hurts.
- [wailing in pain]
- Mrs. Dabney: OH HO HO HO!
- Stanley Potter: Please sit down and relax.
- Mrs. Dabney: Oh I can't sit down. I've been stabbed!
- Mr. Dabney: Listen here now, young man, I'm not used to this sort of treatment!
- Vera Radford: What's going on here?
- [as Vera catches Stanley drinking from the Dabneys' wine bottle]
- Vera Radford: STANLEY!
- Mr. Dabney: Vera, does this sort of thing happen everyday?
- Vera Radford: Oh, no, of course not. Stanley, please get Mr. and Mrs. Dabney fixed up. Will you please get them some more chicken?
- Mr. Dabney: Yes, and get us a chicken that won't fly away this time.
- Vera Radford: Oh
- [chuckles]
- Vera Radford: of course.
- [turning to Mrs. Dabney]
- Vera Radford: Are you all right, dear?
- Mrs. Dabney: Well, I think I am.
- Vera Radford: Of course, you're gonna have some more dinner, and now we're going to have some entertainment. All right?
- Mr. Dabney: Oh that's nice!
- Vera Radford: Lonnie. I think we better start the entertainment... right away.
- Lonnie Beale: Sure, Miss Radford.
- Estelle Penfield: You've got to be kidding me
- Lonnie Beale: [shrugs] Sorry, dietician's orders.
- Estelle Penfield: But it's such a little steak, and I'm so hungry. Listen, Lonnie, if you would give me another steak, I would be very grateful. Do we understand each other?
- Lonnie Beale: [pauses] No.
- Stanley Potter: Oh, come on, Pam. Don't be a dum-dum.
- Lonnie Beale: You can't change her, Stanley. Shall we?
- Stanley Potter: By all means.
- Lonnie Beale: [turns to Pam] Good bye, Dum-dum!
- Vera Radford: Any objections to working for a woman?
- Lonnie Beale: No objections. I never had a lady boss before.
- Vera Radford: Well, you have now.
- Lonnie Beale: I thought I was going to work on your ranch, ma'am?
- Vera Radford: This is my ranch! A guest ranch. A ranch that serves models, career women. We help the girls get in shape.
- Lonnie Beale: Well, you're doin' a real good job.
- Stanley Potter: Circle Z is a factory for reconditioning girls.
- Lonnie Beale: What's wrong with the condition they're in now?
- Stanley Potter: Well, you're looking at the after-girls. Wait till you see the before-girls.
- Stanley Potter: You see, it's all done very scientifically. You see, we roast 'em, toast 'em, wiggle 'em, jiggle 'em, rend 'em, bend 'em, and give them very little to eat.
- Stanley Potter: They come in here measuring 40-30-38. That's to use rough figures.
- Lonnie Beale: That's rough?
- Stanley Potter: And when they leave a few weeks later, 36-38-24!
- Lonnie Beale: 38?
- Stanley Potter: Oh, 36 to, eh, well, you'll see the difference.
- Pam Merritt: One, Two, Three, Down, Left, Right, Up. One, Two, Three, Bend, Left, Right, Up. One, Two, Three, Down.
- Pam Merritt: Now, there's nothing wrong with their having a little fun their work; but, well, we are here for a purpose and I feel we've got to have some discipline!
- Lonnie Beale: All right everybody. Here we go. One. Two. Three. Bend. Up. Turn around. Same thing. One. Two. Three. Bend. There you go.
- Vera Radford: We're going to have to do something about your singing.
- Lonnie Beale: I've been tryin' for years.
- Vera Radford: Don't get me wrong, the guests think its wonderful and so do I. But, my staff complained that you through this place into such a tizzy yesterday, their whole routine was disrupted.
- Lonnie Beale: Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
- Vera Radford: You don't have to be. Just - pick your moment.
- Vera Radford: Do you like it here, Lonnie?
- Lonnie Beale: Sure! It's the best ranch I've ever worked on. The smell of perfume instead of the smell of the...
- Vera Radford: Sit down, Lonnie.
- Vera Radford: Now, there's been some discontent for another reason. Jealousy. You know how it is when a pack of women get together. If it appears that you're giving more attention to one than to another, even if it only seems that way, they begin clawing and scratching like wild cats. Try to keep everybody happy. Won't you?
- Lonnie Beale: I'll certainly try, ma'am.
- Vera Radford: And may I say this, management also approves.
- Lonnie Beale: I'm glad to hear that; because, I approve of management.
- Pam Merritt: Fighting like a couple of roosters in a barnyard. You! You!
- Lonnie Beale: Yes?
- Pam Merritt: Casanova!
- Pam Merritt: Lots of cities have legends. So, why not one for little ol' Silverado. Hey, did you know that Jenny Lind sang here?
- Lonnie Beale: Jenny Lind? The Swedish nightingale?
- Pam Merritt: Ah-huh. Can't you just see this place in the old days. I can just see it now. Hard rock miners. Dancehall girls. Cowboys out for a good time.
- Vera Radford: I'd appreciate it if you'd at least think it over. Oh, at ease, Lonnie. Forget you're working for me.
- Lonnie Beale: I thought this was gonna be strictly business?
- Vera Radford: Oh-oh, I mean business.
- Lonnie Beale: I've heard of this happening to secretary's before, but, this is ridiculous.
- Vera Radford: Is anything wrong?
- Lonnie Beale: No. It's, eh, just that I've never been kissed by my boss before.
- Pam Merritt: So, he thinks I'm gonna melt just because he flips his hand. That prairie gigolo! I had him pegged right from the start.
- Pam Merritt: [to Lonnie after his fight with Brad] Fighting like a couple of roosters in a barnyard! YOU... YOU...
- Lonnie Beale: Yes?
- Pam Merritt: Casanova!
- Circle Z Female Guest #1: Darling, if I may say so, I think you should be a little bit more subtle. Now, yesterday on the trail, you kept riding up to Lonnie every 5 minutes!
- Circle Z Female Guest #2: If you must know, I was uncomfortable. So, I asked him to lengthen the stirrups.
- Circle Z Female Guest #1: It's too bad he couldn't widen the saddle.
Contribute to this page
Suggest an edit or add missing content
