- Ted Grover: How's a fella supposed to kiss a gal when she's yapping all the time?
- A.G. Bannister: Well, you could have hit me in the nose.
- Ted Grover: Oh, no. No, it never happened. You might hit back.
- Ted Grover: What's with the candle light bit?
- Claudia Hoffer: Times are tough. We're saving electric.
- [first lines]
- Ted Grover: Think of us as the only two people left in the world - with no one to care that we live passionately every moment of every day and night. Let me see *passion* in your eyes. Feel it, Vikki. Let your body catch fire.
- Vikki: Oh, Ted, the way you talk
- Ted Grover: You are feeling it, aren't you?
- Vikki: Oh...
- Claudia Hoffer: Come on, honey. There's always a bunch of stallions around ready to chase a pretty filly like you.
- Ted Grover: We don't talk the same language anymore. I'm walking right out of you life. Way out! In orbit.
- A.G. Bannister: What's the matter? Afraid I'm going to seduce you?
- Ted Grover: Well, now, that would be interesting. Just my conscience to worry about.
- A.G. Bannister: Well, now, what if I promised you - that you wouldn't hate yourself in the morning, huh?
- [seductive kiss]
- Ted Grover: Now, I'm going to get in my car and take a nice, long ride. And by the time I get to the coast, I'll have washed foam soap and you *right* out of my hair.
- Ted Grover: You better take that dress back. Oh, it covers you up, all right, but, it'll never hide what you are.
- Steve Laughlin: She sounds like a bookkeeper. Now, what is a fellow like you want with a bookkeeper?
- Ted Grover: Now, there's a little bookkeeper you'd like to keep in mink.
- A.G. Bannister: What's a hootenanny?
- Steve Laughlin: Beats me? I think it's something like hoof-and-mouth disease.
- A.G. Bannister: They're doing this thing at a college, huh?
- Steve Laughlin: Yeah, can you imagine going to college and flunking hootenanny?
- A.G. Bannister: Well, knowing Ted, he'll be majoring in co-eds.
- Steve Laughlin: Big? What's anything big doing in Missouri?
- Ted Grover: Not just Missouri, but, the whole south, the midwest, and all of Canada. A world we never new existed. A world that digs folk singing and country music, the most. And they dig it for 10 million bucks a year!
- Steve Laughlin: What'd you say? Dollars?
- Ted Grover: Dollars!
- Steve Laughlin: What? For folk singing?
- Ted Grover: Folk singing.
- Steve Laughlin: Hey, I think I'm going to like Missouri.
- Johnny Cash: [singing] Well, now, Frankie and Johnny were sweethearts, They were true as a blue, blue sky, He was a long-legged guitar picker with a wicked wanderin' eye, But he was her man nearly all of the time...
- Ted Grover: Hootenanny? What is that exactly?
- Billie-Jo Henley: Folk singing, Country music. Dancing. Something for everybody, I guess.
- Steve Laughlin: Sveetheart, come over here for a second. There is a law in physics that seems to apply to dis very situation. When an irresistible force, meets an immovable object...
- Steve Laughlin, A.G. Bannister: Somesings got to give.
- Steve Laughlin: Ya. I'll leave you with that little thought.
- Ted Grover: How this little girl has learned so much about folk singing and the country music business in her 22 years is something I'll never understand and, on top of it, Stevie, she is hip!
- Themselves: [singing] Mollie Mouse was the hat-check girl, woo-woo, Mollie Mouse was the hat-check girl, He thought he'd give this chick a whirl, Woo-woo, woo-woo, woo-woo...
- Billie-Jo Henley: I've seen fast operating dames knock on your door before, pal; but, this is the first time you're doin' the knockin'.
- Themselves: [singing] Better hit the road, You ain't no frog you're a horny toad, Farewell, goodbye, adios...
- Billie-Jo Henley: [to Ted] What is all this about foam soap?
- Steve Laughlin: Oh, just a little joke that gets him in a lather.
- Billie-Jo Henley: This whole thing was Ted's idea. I didn't promote him. What's more, I don't even need him. Dig?
- Steve Laughlin: Dig.
- Steve Laughlin: If you can pull this off, I'll buy you the biggest bottle of champagne you ever got soused on.
- Steve Laughlin: Oh-oh! That's funny. That's very funny. I bet you're one of those - real sick comics.
- Howard Stanton: My wife was saying just the other day, "Too bad A.G. and Ted got divorced. All those great bridge games we had."
- A.G. Bannister: Sweetheart, I see you're still taking your nasty pills.
- Ted Grover: A.G., why don't you search out somebody else to haunt.
- Steve Laughlin: A lot of things have happened. He's mixed-up. This is the wrong time to give him the dirty end of the stick.
- Judy Henske: Now, it starts slow and ends fast - the way she did.
- [singing]
- Judy Henske: Well, you promised to meet me, On down by the spring, And some money to bring me, Or, some other fine thing, Well, no money, no money...
- Howard Stanton: Folk singing and country music go back to the roots of this country. The songs are really a part of our history. We want this thing to have a theme, Ted. It has to come off big. Americana!
- Ted Grover: Now, what you're getting at is you don't want any of this coffee house type jazz, right?
- Howard Stanton: Right!
- Ted Grover: With beatniks flopping all over the place. Okay. I'll get the deal rollin'.
- Sheb Wooley: [singing] Well looky yonder comin' hey what do you think I see, I swear them's pig tailed coolies and they're drivin' steel like me, Hmm hmm gonna be the death of me, Buildin' a railroad through the mountains to the sea, All together now come along boys, Let's drive the steel.