Buddy Hackett credited as playing...
Benjy Benjamin
- Tyler Fitzgerald: Anybody can fly plane, now here: I'll check you out. Put your little hands on the wheel there. Now put your feet on the rudder. There. Who says this ol' boy can't fly this ol' plane? Now I'm gonna make us some Old Fashioneds the old-fashioned way - the way dear old Dad used to!
- Benjy Benjamin: What if something happens?
- Tyler Fitzgerald: What could happen to an Old Fashioned?
- Benjy Benjamin: Look! We've figured it seventeen different ways, and every time we figured it, it was no good, because no matter how we figured it, somebody don't like the way we figured it! So now, there's only one way to figure it. And that is, every man, including the old bag, for himself!
- Ding Bell: So good luck, and may the best man win!
- Benjy Benjamin: [to Mrs. Marcus] Right! Except you,lady. May you just drop dead!
- Lennie Pike: All right, all right, we all agree on that. Now look, let's be sensible about this thing. There's money in this for all of us. Right? There's enough for you, there's enough for you, and for me, and for you, and there's enough for...
- [they all race to their cars]
- Lennie Pike: [after Smiler Grogan literally kicks the bucket] That guy's dead. You better believe it.
- Benjy Benjamin: Oh, I believe it all right, but if he jumps up again like he did before, I'm gonna get the hell out of here.
- Tyler Fitzgerald: Uh... Just a minute. I... I cahhn't see.
- Ding Bell: What?
- Tyler Fitzgerald: Something's happened to my eyes. I-I-I cahhn't - I cahhn't see.
- Ding Bell: You cahhn't see? He cahhn't see.
- Benjy Benjamin: Must be an eye cold.
- Tyler Fitzgerald: George! George!
- Benjy Benjamin: Wall?
- Ding Bell: No.
- Benjy Benjamin: Walnut tree?
- Ding Bell: No, no.
- Benjy Benjamin: Walnuts?
- Ding Bell: No.
- Benjy Benjamin: In bags?
- Ding Bell: *No*!
- Ding Bell: Hey. It's that hokey dentist.
- Benjy Benjamin: Yeah.
- Ding Bell: Pass that cab.
- Second Cab Driver: What's the rush?
- Ding Bell: What do you mean rush?
- Benjy Benjamin: We ain't in any rush, we just wanna get there in a hurry.
- Ding Bell: Ah, this is hopeless. We're gonna get noplace if we're gonna continue listening to this old bag.
- Benjy Benjamin: What are you trying to do, lady? You trying to split us up so it becomes every man for himself?
- Ding Bell: ...And every woman for HIMself?
- Mrs. Marcus: One more funny remark from you, buster...
- Melville Crump: Filibuster. Filibuster. Ha. Now you can stick around and watch us take off.
- Ding Bell: Listen, Dentist: I *hate* dentists! And I hate *you* so much, that I'm not able to *tell* you how much I hate you, in front of your wife-!
- Benjy Benjamin: And visa versa.
- Melville Crump: [enraged] Why you... Come on over here!
- [Ding and Benji run]
- Melville Crump: *Come on* over *here*!
- [Benjy is trying to fly an airplane]
- Benjy Benjamin: Dingy, don't let this worry you- *We're gonna get killed*!
- Benjy Benjamin: [while Benji tries to fly the plane, Ding tries putting head phones on Benji's head] Hey, get outta here.
- Ding Bell: Put them on.
- Benjy Benjamin: I don't wanna.
- Ding Bell: Benji, I tell you, he said the man who's flying should be talking on this thing.
- Benjy Benjamin: What, am I supposed to everything? You want me to fly the airplane, you want me to work the radio, what are you gonna... What are you, the hostess?
- Benjy Benjamin: [in a hospital in bandages and casts] It's all your fault. It's all your fault right from the beginning to the end.
- J. Algernon Hawthorne: You know, even for a policeman, your behavior was ruddy outrageous.
- Sylvester Marcus: Yeah, you could have taken a fair share like the rest of us, but no. You had to go and wrap up the whole scene, baby.
- Ding Bell: We had three hundred and fifty-thousand bucks right in our hands.
- Melville Crump: Fourteen into three hundred and fifty-thousand dollars...
- Ding Bell: [groans] Oh, shut up!
- Ding Bell: You see our grandmother lives in Rosita Beach, see, and she's dying and she kinda like to have us be with her when she goes.
- Benjy Benjamin: Otherwise she won't go.
- Benjy Benjamin: [after Bell bumps him] Uh, she'll go!
- Lennie Pike: It's buried under a big W. Say, what is a big W?
- Ding Bell: When we find out, we'll send you a 'Wire'.
- Benjy Benjamin: Ha ha ha ha ha ha.