Colin Gordon: Tucker

The Pink Panther

Tucker

Simone Clouseau: If I'm not being too nosy your highness, I read somewhere there was some dispute over the ownership of the Pink Panther.
Princess Dala: It belongs to me. It was a gift from my late father. I shall never surrender it.
Sir Charles Lytton: Why should you?
Princess Dala: When the present government seized power, they claimed the diamond was the property of the people. There's even some talk of the international court deciding the issue.
Sir Charles Lytton: I'll tell you what, why don't I steal the diamond, leave that old glove or whatever it is behind, and you and I can split the insurance.
Princess Dala: All right.
George Lytton: I feel like dancing.
[to Princess Dala]
George Lytton: Your Highness?
Princess Dala: I'd love to.
Sir Charles Lytton: [to Simone] How about you, Madame?
Simone Clouseau: Yes, of course.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Your leg is better, Sir. Charles?
Sir Charles Lytton: What?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I say your leg is better.
Sir Charles Lytton: Oh, yes. Much better. Thank you.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You know, Mr. Tucker...
[scalds his hand]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Argh!
[put his burnt hand into Mr. Tucker's beer]
Tucker: That's my beer, old man.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I am willing to bet you ten thousand francs, that the phantom is in Cortina at this very moment. Even, perhaps, in this very room.
Simone Clouseau: How exciting. What do you think, Mr. Tucker?
Tucker: Oh, I agree with the inspector. You see, Ten of his last fifteen victims have been guests at Angela Dunning's parties.
Sir Charles Lytton: What are we all talking about?
Simone Clouseau: The notorious Phantom.
Princess Dala: I'm afraid I never heard of him.
Sir Charles Lytton: From the little I've read about him, he seems to be quite a fellow.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Believe me. There are few thieves who are as clever as the Phantom. Each theft is completely different and unique, classic in its conception.
George Lytton: I thought you were working on the theory that he does repeat himself.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Well, only as far as Angela Dunning's parties are concerned. However, there is one other duplication, but that is his ah... trademark, his calling card, so to speak. He always leaves a white monogrammed glove.
Princess Dala: Sounds terribly theatrical.

Tucker: Your Highness, if I were the Phantom, I'd have chosen my victim already.
Princess Dala: Really? And who would that be?
Tucker: Well, who owns the most fabulous diamond in the world?
Princess Dala: I suppose I do.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Exactly. The Pink Panther. Such a prize he could never resist. He would be bound to try for it.
Princess Dala: I'm afraid he'd be disappointed. The Pink Panther is in my safe, at...
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [interrupting] Your Highness, please. Don't say it, not here.

Tucker: [after Clouseau, having burned his hand on the fireplace hood, jams it into his tall beer mug] My beer, old man.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I'm sorry.
[He tries to pull his hand out but it's stuck]

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Hello, old bean. Your company insures the Pink Panther.
Tucker: Yes, for half a million.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Pounds?
Tucker: Sterling.