Rickie Sorensen: Wart

The Sword in the Stone

Wart

[last lines]
Merlin: Why, they might even make a motion picture about you.
Arthur: Motion picture?
Merlin: Oh. Heh-heh-heh, uh, well, uh, that's something like television... heh-heh... without commercials.

Arthur: Oh, Merlin! You're back from Ber... Ber... Ber...
Merlin: Bermuda? Yes, back from Bermuda and the 20th century, heh-heh. And, believe me, you can have it. One big modern mess!

Merlin: [about Archimedes] When he stays out all night, he's always grumpy the next morning.
Arthur: Then he must stay out every night.

Merlin: Blow me to Bermuda!
[Merlin suddenly blasts off like a rocket]
Arthur: Where... W-where did he go?
Archimedes the Owl: To Bermuda, I suppose.
Arthur: Where's that?
Archimedes the Owl: Oh, an island way off somewhere that hasn't been discovered yet.
Arthur: Will he ever come back?
Archimedes the Owl: Who knows? Who knows anything?

[Merlin turns Arthur back into a human and Arthur laughs, which causes the girl squirrel to gasp]
Arthur: There, now you see? I'm not a squirrel. I'm a boy.
[the girl squirrel chirps as if asking a question]
Arthur: I tried to tell you. I'm, I'm a boy. A human boy!
[the girl squirrel climbs up to a knot on her tree and sniffs]
Arthur: Oh! If you could only understand.
[the girl squirrel runs up to the hole in the tree and cries her heart out as Arthur remorsefully walks away]
Merlin: Ah, you know, lad, that love business is a powerful thing.
[the girl squirrel, sobbing, watches Arthur slowly walk away]
Arthur: Greater than gravity?
Merlin: Well, yes, boy. In its way, I'd, uh... Yes, I'd say it's the greatest force on earth.
[the girl squirrel climbs to the top of her tree to get one last look at Arthur and sobs one last time as the screen fades to black]

Arthur: You mean you can see everything before it happens?
Merlin: Yes, everything!
Archimedes the Owl: Uh-uh-uh-uh! "Everything," Merlin?
Merlin: Uh, vuh... No, no, not EVERYTHING. I, uh, I admit I didn't know whom to expect for tea, but as you can see... heh-heh!...
[points with his staff to the hole in the roof where Arthur fell through]
Merlin: ...I figured the exact place!

[Merlin magics the dishes to wash themselves]
Arthur: But I'm supposed to do it.
Merlin: No one will know the difference, son. Who cares as long as the work gets done?

Arthur: [entering the forest] I-I'll get the arrow, Kay. I'm sure I can find it.
Kay: Huh! Oh, don't tell me you're going in THERE. Why, it's swarming with wolves.
Arthur: I'm not afraid.
Kay: Huh. Well, go ahead. It's your skin, not mine. Go on, go on.

Arthur: [enters Merlin's room wearing his squire robes] Merlin, look! I'm a squire!
Merlin: [disapprovingly] Ha!
Archimedes the Owl: Oh... uh... very nice, boy.
Merlin: Yes, indeed. A fine monkey suit for polishing boots.
Arthur: It's... it's what all squires wear.
Merlin: And I thought you were going to amount to something. I thought you had a few brains! Great future! Ha! A stooge for that big lunk Kay. Congratulations, boy!

Madame Mim: Now what do you think, boy? Who's the greatest? Ha-ha-ha HA ha-ha!
Arthur: Well, uh, Merlin's magic is always... uh, well... useful, uh... for something good.
Madame Mim: And he must see something good in you.
Arthur: Oh, I suppose so.
Madame Mim: Yes, and in my book that's bad!
[Runs to the window and slams it shut]
Madame Mim: So, my boy, I'm afraid I'll have to destroy you.
Arthur: D-destroy me?
Madame Mim: Yeah, I-I'll give you a sporting chance. I'm mad about games, you know.
[chuckling as she turns into a cat]
Madame Mim: Well, come on. Get going, boy. You gotta keep on your toes in this game.

Arthur: Merlin! Merlin, I-I swallowed a bug!
Merlin: Oh, well, what's wrong with that? After all, my boy, you ARE a fish. Instinct, you know.
Arthur: But you said I have no instinct.
Merlin: Yes! Oh... oh, I did? Well that's-that's neither here nor there.

Madame Mim: Say, lad, did you know that I can make myself uglier yet?
Arthur: Well, that would be some trick - er, I-I-I mean, uh...
Madame Mim: Want a bet?
[hides her face in her hair, pulls hair back to reveal a wrinkled and warty sow's face]
Madame Mim: BOO!
[Arthur jumps in fright]
Madame Mim: Oh, ho! You see? I win! I win! Aren't I hideous, boy, perfectly revolting?
Arthur: [shaking his head at first, then nodding] Uh... yes, ma'am.

Archimedes the Owl: If the boy goes about saying the world is round, they'll take him for a lunatic.
Arthur: The world is round?
Merlin: Yes. Yes, that's right, and it also, uh, goes A-round.
Arthur: You mean it'll be round SOMEDAY.
Merlin: No, no, no, it's round now. Man will discover this in centuries to come. And he will also find that the world is merely a tiny speck in the universe.
Arthur: Universe?
Archimedes the Owl: Ah! You're only confusing the boy. Before you're through, he'll be so mixed up, he'll... he'll be wearing his shoes on his head!

Arthur: I'm in an awful pickle. I'm king!
Archimedes the Owl: Ooo, he pulled a sword from the stone.
Merlin: Ha ha! Of course, of course. King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table.
Arthur: Round table?
Merlin: Oh, uh, w-would you rather have a square one?
Arthur: Oh, no. Round will be fine.

Merlin: Don't... don't you get any foolish ideas that magic will solve all your problems, because it won't.
Arthur: But sir, I don't have any problems.
Merlin: Oh, bah! Everybody's got problems. The world is full of problems.
[gets his beard caught in the door]
Merlin: D'oof! Oh, blast it all! There, now! You see what I mean?

Kay: [Wart is following Kay while he is hunting. Kay turns to him] Quiet, Waaaaart!
Arthur: [from a tree branch over Kay's head] I'm tryin' to be.
Kay: And nobody asked you to come along in the first place.
Arthur: I'm not even movin'.
Kay: [Dismissively] Shuddup.

Arthur: Hey, we were doing fine until we got in deep water. Then along comes this huge pike with big jaws and sharp, jagged teeth.
Kay: Oh, tell 'im off, dad.
Arthur: He was a monster, the biggest fish I ever saw.
Sir Ector: And, boy, that's the biggest fish story I ever heard!
Arthur: But it's true, sir.
Sir Ector: That's three demerits for being late, and three more for the fish story. Now hop it to the kitchen.
Kay: [scoffs] I told you the Wart was looney.
Sir Ector: Eh, well, he's either out of his head or, uh, there's something mighty fishy going on around here.

Archimedes the Owl: What-what-what? Wht-wht-what's up, boy? What's going on?
Arthur: They're having a Wizard's Duel. What's that mean?
Archimedes the Owl: Oh, it's a battle of wits. The players change themselves to different things in an attempt to, uh... to... destroy one another.
Arthur: D-d-des-destroy?
Archimedes the Owl: Well just watch, boy. Just watch. You'll get the idea.