Peter Sellers credited as playing...
Dr. Fritz Fassbender
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: My father, the most beloved gynecologist in Vienna, before they took him away on a morals charge for indecent exposure at the State Opera House, said, and I quote: "Please do not take me away, I will not do it again."
- Victor Skakapopulis: Brilliant quote.
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: He was a brilliant pervert.
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: You're grotesque!
- Anna Fassbender: Lascivious adulterer!
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Don't you dare call me that again until I have looked it up!
- Anna Fassbender: Adulterer! Adulterer! Lascivious adulterer!
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Silence when you're shouting at me!
- [looks through a dictionary]
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Lascivious adulterer... let's see... lascivious adulterer is a man, who is a lascivious adulterer? What kind of book is that?
- Anna Fassbender: Is she prettier than me?
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Is she prettier than you? I'M prettier than YOU!
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: I, uh, decided to follow you here.
- Michael James: If you followed me here, how did you contrive to be here before me?
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: I followed you... very fast.
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: I am a doctor of the mind.
- Victor Skakapopulis: Really?
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Yes!
- Victor Skakapopulis: I have terrible emotional problems. Could you help me?
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: You certainly picked a very odd time to ask me, just in the middle of a suicide.
- Anna Fassbender: [delivers a Wagnerian Valkyrie yodel]
- Rita: Who is that thing?
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: That isn't a thing, this is my wife!
- [to his wife]
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: This is a personal friend of James Bond!
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: You'll like this group analysis, it's a real freak show. If it gets dull, we sing songs.
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: If it fails, then we'll try something else, because I use all kinds of unorthodox methods. For example, I've had the greatest success shutting people in dark closets.
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: [to his wife] I hate you! I hate you! I've hated you from the moment I first married you!
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: I think that, with you, sex is a sport, ya?
- Michael James: Oh, yes. I love the the smell of perfume and the thrill of the chase and the moment of conquest.
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: I like thighs. Do you like thighs?
- Michael James: You must not attack her. You must woo her.
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Woo her?
- Michael James: Woo her.
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: So you turned promiscuous? Well, I love that in a woman. Love it. I love it.
- Renée Lefevre: I can't help it, I'm a physical woman. I feel guilty about it. But I come from a family of acute nymphomaniacs. That includes my father and my two brothers.
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Oh, what a fool I've been. I've searched and searched and sampled every girl I could find. And now I realize that
- [flashing on the screen: Author's message:]
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: human fulfillment does not come from short, physical, random adventures, But from a deep relationship which is quite often under one's very nose.
- Victor Skakapopulis: Do you have any salt?
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Have I got any salt? I got a boat, I got kerosene, matches, firecrackers, two swords, and this flag. But, I ain't got no salt.
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: When did all this come to an end?
- Michael James: It didn't come to an end! That's the point.
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: I'll see you next Friday, I've got a few phone calls to make.
- Michael James: But I haven't finished. I've only been here fifteen minutes.
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: I can't take more than fifteen minutes of your sex life at one time.
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: [Addressing group therapy class] Where did we leave off last session?
- Durell - Mental Patient: When the train entered the tunnel.
- [Michael and Carol argue after having made up]
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Perhaps I haven't lost a son, maybe I've gained another patient.
- Michael James: Look, a point I've noticed, scientifically, is that stripping is not sexy.
- Dr. Fritz Fassbender: No, not in the slightest.
- Michael James: Listen, I can speak with a certain authority on this because I've seen this show - a hundred times.