David Niven credited as playing...
Sir James Bond
- Mata Bond: [In front of 10 Downing Street] Oh, Daddy, I do so long to meet him. All the girls do. He really turns me on!
- Sir James: Did that finishing school teach you to talk like that?
- Mata Bond: No, I taught them. Oh, do be a pet, Daddy.
- Sir James: Be a good girl, do run along and watch the changing of the guard.
- Mata Bond: I bet Mummy would have taken me in.
- Sir James: Mummy took everyone in.
- Sir James: You better bring me up to date. Who is on what assignment?
- Hadley: Well, it's not a very happy picture, sir.
- Sir James: [Looking at a map] Why all the black flags there?
- Hadley: They've been liquidated, I'm afraid, sir. Our Finland, stabbed to death in a ladies sauna bath, sir. Our Madrid, burned in a blazing bordello, sir. And, Tokyo, sir, garroted in a geisha house.
- Sir James: It's depressing that the words "secret agent" have become synonymous with "sex maniac."
- Sir James: [taking the reins of the British Secret Service] Oh, by the way, Moneypenny, since I've come in here, have you heard me stammer?
- Miss Moneypenny: No, sir!
- Sir James: Splendid. Let me know if I do; I haven't got time for that sort of thing now.
- Sir James: [Giving a description of his era's spy type] ... vocationally devoted, sublimely disinterested. Hardly a description of that sexual acrobat who leaves a trail of dead beautiful women like so many blown roses behind him - that bounder to whom you gave my name and number.
- Sir James: [In Mata's room] Who are all these people?
- Mata Bond: They're the high priests of the temple. Okay, Fred, up it!
- [a priest gets up and bows as he leaves]
- Sir James: What an extraordinary performance. They seem to treat you like some kind of goddess.
- Mata Bond: Well, I am the celestial virgin of the sacred altar.
- Sir James: Figuratively speaking, of course.
- Mata Bond: Of course.
- Sir James: [Legionnaire salutes and rattles off something in French] Beg pardon?
- French Legionnaire: [consults the book chained to his belt] The French have arrived!
- Sir James: Look out!
- French Legionnaire: [turns and punches a bad guy, then grabs his fist] Merde!
- Sir James: Beg pardon?
- French Legionnaire: [consults his book again] Ooch?
- Sir James: [Eyeing Miss Lynd's ostentatious pantsuit with extravagant feathered headdress] What a charming outfit that is. Do you often wear it in the office?
- Vesper Lynd: If I wore it in the street, people might stare.
- Sir James: Calamity makes strange be-bedfellows. But, why, I wonder, in the strength of your unity, do you disturb an old-fashioned gentleman in his retirement?
- M: We need your inspirational leadership in this dark hour.
- Le Grand: Please give us the benefit of your inconquerable powers of deduction.
- Ransome: For the freedom loving peoples of the world!
- Smernov: For the sake of the glorious, socialist revolution.
- Sir James: If I may interrupt this flow of cliche, it is now that time of day I have set apart for - Debussy.
- Sir James: [Jimmy Bond is flailing his arms crazily trying to communicate] I never should have sent him to a Progressive school.
- Sir James: Good lord! Moneypenny, you haven't changed a bit.
- [Long Kiss]
- Miss Moneypenny: Actually, I'm Miss Moneypenny's daughter.
- Sir James: How is your dear mother?
- Sir James: Hadley, we're up against an opposition of fiendish ingenuity. They make incredible use of women.
- Hadley: Yes, they tend to, nowadays, sir.
- Sir James: Female spies harassed me in Scotland. Female spies chased me to London. We need an A-F-S-D.
- Hadley: Sir?
- Sir James: Anti-Female-Spy-Device. We find the one man all women want and we train him not to want women.
- Agent Mimi: Naught else, remains?
- Sir James: Nothing to sp-speak of, I'm afraid. It was found in a tree, a hundred yards from where he stood. It took off, as it were, and flew like a bi-bird. But, whether it is an article of ap-apparel or an-an anatomical fea-feature? That is the question? Should it be given Christian bu-burial? Just how pe-personal is - a - toupee?
- Agent Mimi: [making a pun of the word "heir-loom"] It can only be regarded as a "hair-loom."
- Sir James: From now on, all remaining agents and trainees will be known as James Bond 007, including the girls.
- Cooper: Won't that be rather confusing, sir?
- Sir James: Exactly! The enemy won't know which way to turn. You are now, James Bond.
- Miss Moneypenny: Congratulations, 007.
- Cooper: And you, 007, sir.
- Sir James: Good hunting, 007!
- Agent Mimi: Sleep, I've had none, for thinkin' on my dearie. All the long night I wake, grovelin' in grief. Comfort me, Jamie lad. Give me your bosom to weep on. Doodle me, Jamie.
- Sir James: [surprised] Really, madame!
- Agent Mimi: I hereby claim my widow's due according to McTarry tradition. Let me be comforted. Doodle me!
- Sir James: A quaint custom, but one more honored in the breech, than in the observance.
- Agent Mimi: [angry] Then you'll have to pay the Piper!
- Sir James: The P-Piper?
- Agent Mimi: You heard me, you mim-mou'd ill-willie coof!
- Sir James: All this trouble just to make up for your feelings of sexual inferiority? I'm beginning to think your a trifle neurotic.
- Sir James: Look at my garden. Out there - there is a b-black rose. Not dark red. But, black - as a raven's wing at midnight. Gentlemen, I would not exchange one single pe-petal of that lovely flower for anything your world has to offer, including an Aston Ma-martin complete with lethal accessories.