Fran Brill credited as playing...
Zoe • Prairie Dawn • Muppet • Little Bird • Betty Lou • Muppet Performer • Polly Darton • Nora Nicks • Arlene Frantic • Roxie Marie • Lavender J Friend • Det. Olivia Benson • Green Cheerleader • Jungle Girl • Woman • Little Bo Peep • Little Red Riding Hood • Mary • Additional Muppet Performer • Alice • Big Grad Wolf • Billy Monster • Bird • Carol the Baker • Girl • Head Villager • Henry • Mother 'Listen to the Bells' • Mrs. Crustworthy • Rita Rucci • Wanda Cousteau • Anything Muppets • Billy • Bug • Chicken • Coat Shopper • Cuckoo Bird • Lavender AM Girl • Lifeguard • Mouse • Numberella • Plumber • Reporter • Snow Grouch • Vocalist • 'Let's Go Driving in a Car' daughter • AM Girl in the 6 Cookies Subtraction song • Additional Muppets • Additional Performers • Anne Phibian • Baby Monster • Big Sister Monster (speaking) • Bird #1 • Cafeteria Member • Caroline • Casey the Rabbit • Cereal • Cheerleader • Cloud • Countess • Cuckoo • Customer • Daughter (Princess) • Deborah Starr • Debra Starr • Fairy Godmother • Fairy Nap-Mother • Fat Blue Miner • Flight Attendant • Flower 2 • Frannie • Grandmother • Granny Sheep • Green Anything Muppet • Green Girl • Green Hippie (Little Jerry) • Grouch • Hat Vendor • Helena • Hot Pink Girl ('Alphabet Conversation') • Hot Pink Subject • I. C. DeForrest • Imogene • Jezebel • June Moon • King's Daughter • Lavender 'J Friends' Singer • Lavender Girl • Lavender Woman • Lead Villager • Linda • Little Monster • Mae • Martha Sewer • Miner • Miriam Cheswick • Miss Vicki • Monotone • Monotones Vocalist • Mother • Mrs. Rosen • Mrs. Siegel • Nick Normal • Norah Nicks • Nurse • Omagrossa • Oscar the Grouch • Penguin • Picknicker • Pig • Pipe Organ • Plate • Polly Watson • Postal Worker • Princess Cutie • Princess Geraldine • Queen Quinella • Quinn Fabray Muppet • Roxie Marie Callahan • Rubber Balls • SMV VJ • SMV Video Jockey • Sandy • Short and Tall Singer • Small Bird • Summer Squall • Sylvia Little, Betty Lou • The Bird Grandmoter • The Bird Mother • The Countess • The Old Woman Who Lives in a Shoe • Toucan • Transylvanian Woman • Twyla Sue • Ursula • Vertigo • Vivian
- Prairie Dawn: [Introducing Bert's play about taking care of one's teeth] Hello everyone, boys and girls. I want to welcome you and thank you for coming to see today's show. Today's show was written entirely by Bert, and was directed by Bert, and stars none other then our old friend Bert. If the play was just wonderful, you can thank Bert, but if the play was horrible, you have no one but Bert to blame.
- Bert: [after appearing from behind the curtain] Prairie, will you stop that? Just go to the piano and start the play!
- Prairie Dawn: [quieter] The stage manager is also Bert.
- Guy Smiley (1969-1990): Does anybody know what the of that shape is?
- Betty Lou (1969-2014): Yes, Of course, Guy. It's a...
- Carl: [Buzzes in]
- Guy Smiley (1969-1990): Yes, Carl?
- Carl: Is it a circle?
- [Buzzer Sounds]
- Betty Lou (1969-2014): Oh! No!
- Guy Smiley (1969-1990): Oh, I'm sorry, Carl! But that's the wrong answer!
- Betty Lou (1969-2014): Don't you get it, Carl. The answer is always the same!
- Count von Count: Did I say Three?
- Pat Playjacks: Yes!
- Count von Count: I SAID THREE
- [HA-HA-HA!]
- Pat Playjacks: That's right. Three squeals, Count Von Count. YOU WON!
- Count von Count: Oh, I won!
- Prairie Dawn: What? He won? Oh no!
- Pat Playjacks: And now, It's time to pick a prize from the studio filled with fabulous prizes and to show them to us is our Co-hostess, Velma Blank. A fifteen gallon tank of finger paint, A hand crafted grapefruit goggle for the protection of that morning squirt, And the larger than life portrait of America's 2nd favorite game show host, Pat Playjacks.
- Pat Playjacks: Oooooh, I very sorry, Prairie. You guessed ten and there were only five squeals in today's pig, I mean "Squeal of Fortune". That's too bad.
- Prairie Dawn: Oh dear. I guess I didn't win. I don't believe this!