Lee Marvin: Ben Rumson

Paint Your Wagon

Ben Rumson

Ben: You was down at the rapids just now, bare beam and buck naked?
Elizabeth: Well, I'm not like to take a bath with my clothes on, Mr. Rumson.
Ben: Are you trying to tell me that you was taking a *bath*?
Elizabeth: That's right. I was taking a bath.
Ben: In the middle of the night?
Elizabeth: Mr. Rumson, in a community of 400 men, would you rather I took my bath "bare beam and buck naked" in the middle of the day?

Rumson: She's picked up a bad case of the respectabilities. And in just a few days from now, that poor woman's going to be burnin' up in a fever of virtue. And then LOOK OUT.
Pardner: Why?
Rumson: Pardner, it's been my experience that there ain't nothin' more ruthless and treacherous than a genuine good woman.

Ben Rumson: Pardner, there comes a time when the party of the first part has no recourse but to knock some sense into the party of the second part! You're stayin'!

Pardner: Where I come from, Mr. Rumson, we're cautious of strangers who talk in an easy manner.
Rumson: Oh. You've got me down as some kind of low scuff from New Orleans, hm? Sell you patent medicine with one hand, pinch your purse with the other?
Pardner: Matter of fact, that's kind of what I was thinkin'.
Rumson: As a matter of fact, Pardner, you're right. But I ain't yet sunk to horse stealin'. Oh, I've salted claims, yeah. And I've sold whiskey to Injuns. And once a man in Walla Walla come at me with a gun and I killed him. I can't think of one commandment I ain't shattered regular. I never did fancy my mother and father, let alone respect 'em or honor 'em. And I have coveted my neighbor's wife - whenever I had a neighbor and he had a wife, mm, mmm! And I gamble and I cheat at cards, but there's one thing I do not do. I ain't never gulled a pardner. The one sacred thing, even to low scuff like me, is a man's pardner.

Pardner: [When Ben sees Pardner riding a horse with Elizabeth, he punches him to the ground, pulls a gun on him then threatens to tear him apart] Ben, what the hell's the matter with you?
Ben Rumson: What was the two of you doin' on the same horse?
Pardner: Ridin', what else would we be doin' on a horse? And it'd be the last place I'd...
Ben Rumson: Where was her horse?
Pardner: That was her horse.
Ben Rumson: [Pointing, voice cracking] And where, HAHA, was your horse?
Pardner: You... had my horse.

Elizabeth: Did you know that the Fenty's had an apple farm back in Pennsylvania?
Ben Rumson: Apple jack, huh?
Mr. Fenty: No, sir, we did not make apple jack!
Ben Rumson: Then, what did you grow the apples for?
Mr. Fenty: Mr. Rumson, do you think that everything that comes out of the earth should be used to make liquor?
Ben Rumson: Whenever possible, yes.

Ben Rumson: There's two kinds of people, them goin' somewhere and them goin' nowhere. And that's what's true.

Horace Tabor: Is it your proposal, Mr. Rumson, that we knock out the stage driver, steal a coach, and kidnap six women?
Ben Rumson: Sounds better every time I hear it.

[Partner has decided to remain behind with the settlers]
Ben Rumson: You say something nice to her for me, Par... What the hell is your name anyway?
Partner: It's Sylvester Newel. Yeah, just one 'l'.
Ben Rumson: Sylvester Newel. Well, that's a good name for a farmer.

Miner: Hey, Ben! These men came all the way from Fiddler's Camp, just to see your wife.
Ben Rumson: Well, looks like I married myself a tourist attraction.

Parson: [when some travelers have been newly rescued from hunger and cold] Rumson, I am entering your house to pray for the unfortunate victims.
Ben Rumson: Not tonight Parson, these folks have suffered enough. Now why don't you do that outside where God can hear you better, 'cause I'll be talking in here.

Mr. Fenty: Horton, how did that bottle get in your pocket? HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING HARD LIQUOR?
Horton: Well, since this afternoon. I know you don't approve, Pop, but believe me, until you've had a good cigar and a shot of whiskey, you're missing the second and third best things in life.
Rumson: Horton!
Pardner: Where'd you take him, Ben?
Elizabeth: Damn you, Ben Rumson. What are you going to teach this boy next? How to cheat at cards, or just physical education with one of Willie's floozies?
Horton: That's the best one, Pop!
Rumson: Horton!
Elizabeth: Is that what you did today, Ben?
Rumson: That's what *he* did today, Elizabeth! I tell you, that boy's got a talent for dissipation that is absolutely unique!
[Horton beams]

[Ben and Partner are walking through the mining camp]
Ben Rumson: Hi, Willy! How're things goin'?
'Rotten Luck'Willie: I ain't won a hand in two weeks.
Ben Rumson: (to Partner) They call him 'Rotten Luck' Willie. You couldn't beat him with five aces.
Pardner: Oh, I don't gamble.
Ben Rumson: Neither does he.