Clint Eastwood credited as playing...
John McBurney
- Hallie: Miss Martha said I should shave you. But I ain't so sure.
- [examining his face]
- Hallie: I don't think the Lord want a man's face all smooth like a baby's bottom. That's why he gave him whiskers. Might be a sin to shave that group off.
- Cpl. John McBurney: [huskily] Then don't do it. Sinning oughta be saved for *much* more important things!
- Hallie: I better shave you! Miss Martha give me my orders. Not the Lord. And even without whiskers, you wouldn't look half bad - for a white man.
- [laughs]
- Cpl. John McBurney: You're a damn handsome woman, Hallie. Maybe I'll just start with you. Go down in the cellar. I've been havin' a run of bad luck lately. I understand the way to fix that is to have a black woman.
- Hallie: Then, white boy, you better like it with a died black woman. Because, that's the only way you'll get it from this one.
- Cpl. John McBurney: I've just been thinking about all the advantages a one-legged man has. He saves on socks. He doesn't have to worry about trimming as many toenails... fewer corns and bunions. I've been contemplating asking her to cut off the other one.
- Martha Farnsworth: Removing the ligatures will be painful. Do you want some laudanum?
- Cpl. John McBurney: No thanks, kind lady! I'll fall asleep, and then just by chance, you might cut off my... other leg.
- Martha Farnsworth: If the pain gets too great, I'll ask Hallie to bring you some (wine).
- Cpl. John McBurney: Well, this does seem like a good occasion, and I would love some wine.
- Martha Farnsworth: It was offered for your pain, not for your pleasure!
- Cpl. John McBurney: To be sure, ma'am. It's just that sometimes the two go together.
- Cpl. John McBurney: Well, Carol, that's about the nicest introduction I've ever had. And to the prettiest girl. How old are you?
- Carol: Seventeen. I know a lot more than girls my age.
- Cpl. John McBurney: I bet you do!
- Carol: Gotta get back to -
- [kiss]
- Carol: Bible readin'.
- Cpl. John McBurney: Say a pray for me, will ya?
- Carol: I would, but, I have no idea what you want.
- Cpl. John McBurney: I've been at war a long time. Its been months since I've seen a woman's face. You'll find I'm easily amused.
- Martha Farnsworth: Get any ideas of trying to amuse yourself with any of the ladies in this house...
- Cpl. John McBurney: Well, wait just a minute.
- Martha Farnsworth: You'll find yourself out on that road so fast you won't know what happened to you!
- Cpl. John McBurney: I'm not that kind of man. You know that.
- Martha Farnsworth: I know nothing of the kind.
- Carol: You surprise me! Never thought you'd be afraid to kiss a girl.
- Cpl. John McBurney: Well, you see, my mother told me that it might just stunt my growth.
- Carol: Well, maybe your mama was right. You certainly are well developed.
- Cpl. John McBurney: Yeah, I'd have to say the same about you.
- Carol: Well, its not the same. I mean your shoulders and arms seem to be all muscle. I bet there's not a soft spot on you.
- Carol: I see you can manage stairs. You know, they leave the key in your door. I could slip down and unlock it. You'd find me much more interestin' than Miss Edwina.
- Cpl. John McBurney: You little devil.
- Cpl. John McBurney: You dirty bitch! Just because I didn't go to your bed. Just because I went to someone else's bed.
- Cpl. John McBurney: Why should I have denied myself after all I'd been through? You wanted to be so much the God damn lady. The virgin bitch. Get out of here. Get out of here!
- Cpl. John McBurney: Where's your virgin assistant? Doesn't she want to stay around to finish the job?
- Amy: I picked the mushrooms.
- Cpl. John McBurney: Mmm. And are they good, Amy. They taste of the woods and the clean air and mysterious shadows where pretty little elves dance together.
- Martha Farnsworth: How a romantic way to speak of mushrooms.
- Cpl. John McBurney: [first lines - voiceover - sung] A warning by me, Don't go for a soldier, don't join no army, For the dove she will leave you, the raven will come, And death will come marching at the beat of the drum. Come all you pretty fair maids, come walk in the sun, And don't let your young man ever carry a gun
- Cpl. John McBurney: You and I ought to be friends, Hallie.
- Hallie: How you figure that?
- Cpl. John McBurney: Well, we're both kinda prisoners here. Aren't we?
- Hallie: We're different, Mr. Yankee. I can run.
- Cpl. John McBurney: Sometimes a man's gotta do things he doesn't particularly like.
- Hallie: Not if you're free, you don't. And you white folks ain't killin' each other 'cause you care about us niggers. White mans de same everywhere in this world.
- Cpl. John McBurney: Sometimes, don't you think of yourself as a sleeping beauty in a castle, waiting for the prince to free you - with a kiss?
- Cpl. John McBurney: How long does it take you, ma'am, to get to know someone? To get to know me?
- Martha Farnsworth: You'll never find out. You won't be here that long.