Do Not Fold, Spindle or Mutilate (1971 TV Movie) User Reviews (13)

Very dated film about dating

[AlsExGal · 7/10 · 6 November 2021]

This film led to The Snoop sisters, a short lived TV series in which two elderly ladies get caught up in murders as twin Miss Marples.

The story is about four elderly ladies in southern California, all pretty well off, all played by easily recognizable actresses of Hollywood's Golden age. They eat, shop, and play bridge together, but they are also rather bored. So they decide to fill out a form for a computer dating service, making up the girl who is trying to date - 5'7, blonde, blue eyed, 125 pounds, 23. They give her a made up name, making sure nobody else who has that name is in the telephone book, and also indicate she has no phone so nobody will try to contact her. Thus any correspondence will be by mail through the service.

But things run amok. Their imaginary dating profile matches with a nearby psychopath. The funniest part of the film is this guy's inner monologue translated into hippie talk - "Gotta stay cool. Don't get too heavy.... She'll think this is groovy" And so on. The guy sounds like Austin Powers without the charm and flair for fashion. And everything is about him, perceiving every coincidence or mix up as some lie or disrespect paid to him. This leads to him believing that a girl he picks up in a bar is actually his computer date, and when she says she is not, he kills her.

The four older women read about the crime in the news and think it has something to do with their computer dating antics, and thus begin their investigation, bumping into the police several times along the way.

Of the four older ladies Helen Hayes is supposed to be the most modern one with the most precocious ideas. But they don't make this ridiculous like some films did of 50 years ago, having older women act like 25 year old hippies, just in older bodies.

cute if dated

[blanche-2 · 6/10 · 9 June 2005]

This movie was the possible inspiration for the TV movie and series that followed, "The Snoop Sisters." This cast is even more formidable than the Snoop Sisters - instead of two elderly ladies, this has four. And what a group! Helen Hayes, Mildred Natwick, Sylvia Sidney, and Myrna Loy. Poor Vincent Edwards doesn't have a chance against them. The bored ladies decide to fill out a computer dating form, using an imaginary woman, of course, and wind up with a very eager Edwards.

Computer dating has come a long way, but alas, it's still pretty easy to attract a character like Edwards. The four women are adorable and it's worth it just to have a chance to watch them in action. Hayes and Natwick went on to play elderly detectives in "The Snoop Sisters."

Dated but fun little flick

[summerfields · 6/10 · 23 March 2006]

Having not seen this (made-for-TV-I believe) film since I was 11 years old in 1971, it was not as good as I remembered it to be, unfortunately. The cast is great fun and first-rate. Helen Hayes is a hoot playing 7O year-old Sophie T. and Myrna Loy, Sylvia Sidney & Mildred Natwick are fine in their parts.

Watching this movie last night, I realized how very dated it has become, and even the sound quality was very bad - plus the color looked cheap and faded. There ARE some really funny one-liners and the four old gals work beautifully together but the film as a whole dates badly.

As a whole, this movie is a 1971 curio, based on the Doris Miles Disney novel of the same name. If you can accept it's out-moded notions, sit back and have fun!

The Dangers of Dishonest Computer-Dating

[profh-1 · 6/10 · 12 December 2023]

4 little old ladies with too much time on their hands and a habit for crazy fun ideas to avoid boredom, decide to sign up with a computer-dating agency by creating a fictional 23-year-old blonde applicant... and then see what happens. Rather amusing until one of the potential suitors turns out to be dangerously mentally-unstable. When they suddenly realize the MURDERED girl in the newspaper may be the one they saw at a singles bar the night before, they set out to determine if the man they saw with her might actually be the killer... and somehow wind up ahead of the cops investigating the crime.

Not a mystery so much as a comedy-thriller, this ABC Movie of the Week (an anthology series I really loved back in the early 70s) starred a quartet of adorable characters. There's Helen Hayes (AIRPORT), Myrna Loy (THE MASK OF FU MANCHU, THE THIN MAN), Mildred Natwick (McMILLAN & WIFE), and Sylvia Sidney (DEAD END, WKRP, BEETLEJUICE, MARS ATTACKS!), plus, almost unrecognizable, Vince Edwards (BEN CASEY, STAR RAIDERS). In supporting roles are John Beradino (GENERAL HOSPITAL), Larry D. Mann (POLICE SURGEON) and, also almost unrecognizable, John Mitchum (DIRTY HARRY, MAGNUM FORCE, HIGH PLAINS DRIFTER, THE ENFORCER). Paul Smith (who I've only ever seen on an episode of BATMAN) plays a man the police insist is NOT a "prime suspect", especially when it turns out he's a regular customer for the murdered woman (who turned out to be a cut-rate hooker).

The film was based on the novel by Doris Miles Disney, while the director was Ted Post. I have a really hard time connecting that this wonderfully-goofy bit of fluff was done by the same guy who did HANG 'EM HIGH, BENEATH THE PLANET OF THE APES, MAGNUM FORCE and GOOD GUYS WEAR BLACK! I guess people shouldn't be judged via type-casting. Jerry Goldsmith did the music, and the "theme song" (or whatever it was) is just one of the WEIRDEST things I've ever heard from him. And he scored PLANET OF THE APES!

A year later on a different network, thanks to Leonard Stern (GET SMART, McMILLAN & WIFE), Hayes & Natwick were reunited in the pilot film THE SNOOP SISTERS, which, the following season, led to the short-run series as part of the NBC Mystery Movies. Previously availalble as a DVD-R from MOD Cinema, it has recently been added as an extra to the newer 2020 VEI box of THE SNOOP SISTERS: The Complete Series. The color on the print is a bit faded, and there's some HISS on the sountrack, but the picture is clear, and exceedingly-watchable.

What nobody else has mentioned is that, with 4 older ladies as this film has, it's very much like THE GOLDEN GIRLS-- 14 years early!

Ever since 1973, Helen Hayes has really cracked me up. I wish I'd had an aunt like her when I was growing up.

1971 tv movie...snoop sisters???

[gorytus-20672 · 6/10 · 23 November 2022]

Nov 22

I only got to see this 1971 tv movie recently and it was ok, nothing special and surprisingly quite serious subject matter, i did expect a little more light heartedness.

I can only assume this was expected to be a series with the 4 old lady sleuths, but perhaps it didnt quite work, and surprise suprise just 1 year later....... The Snoop Sisters.

The Snoop Sisters was a 5 part whodunnit movie length series staring Helen Hayes and Mildred Natwick, who just happened to be 2 of the 4 ladies from this film.

Anway this proved to be a great idea as The Snoop Sisters was far more entertaing, funnier and just more likeable in general.

So this is OK, but if you do like this then check out The Snoop Sisters.

6 little old ladies out of 10.

Want a Little Action!

[JLRMovieReviews · 8/10 · 10 March 2015]

Helen Hayes, Myrna Loy, Mildred Natwick and Sylvia Sidney are in their twilight years, but don't tell them that. They're spry and ready to shake up their monotonous life. At least Helen does. She has taken to the idea of joining one of those computerized dating groups in this 1971 TV movie. Hence the title. That's what they say about the form that is inserted into the database. They have made up an imaginary young lady, Rebecca Meade, and her fictional statistics to have a little fun and to while away the hours. What they didn't count on was a disturbed prospect, played too well by Vince Edwards. Myrna Loy provides the voice of reason at all stages of this outlandish enterprise, and Sylvia Sidney is her usual sweet yet quirky self. But perhaps the best scene stealers of the film are Helen Hayes, who is thriving on the excitement and Mildred Natwick who is given some of the best lines and whose character must have been quite a tease in her day. When Vince makes an advance on "Rebecca," they rebuff him, which only gives him the impetus to go off the deep end. This was a very entertaining, short and surprisingly well written film. The law is played by John Beradino, of "General Hospital" fame, and you can tell that Sylvia really takes a liking to him in their few scenes together. For a good time with some good actresses, "Do Not Fold, Spindle or Mutilate" is the place to be. They keep things happening.

70, Girl, 70!

[mark.waltz · 5/10 · 3 August 2018]

The very same year that this T.V. movie came out, one of the four actresses in it (Mildred Natwick) appeared in the short-lived Kander and Ebb musical "70, Girl, 70", proving that if you wanted to see old folks, you were in the wrong hall that night. Natwick, Myrna Loy, Helen Hayes and Sylvia Sidney are long-time friends with pranksterous natures who concoct all sorts of harmless schemes basically to distract them from their boring lives that consists of "tee many martuni's" and lunch pretty much every day that consists of two coffee's, two tea's and the same entree's for each of them. Having gone from prank to prank week after week and drink after drink, they now decide to try computer dating, posing as a single young lady and unfortunately attracting a psychopathic sadomasochist (Vince Edwards) who kills a prostitute, thinking it to be the young women these women invented, and then going after the four ladies after realizing how he was duped. "General Hospital's" chief of staff, John Beradino, becomes a police captain here, and his reactions to the feistiness of these delightful old ladies are priceless, especially one moment alone with Hayes who is just as delightfully lovable here as she was in the previous year's "Airport" for which she won an Oscar the year this TV movie originally aired.

Three of these stars (Loy and Hayes, at MGM, and Sidney, at Paramount) were major leading stars in the 1930's, and Natwick was a major Broadway leading lady until moving into film character roles. Each of them get distinctive personalities, with the raspy Sidney having an amusing drunk scene, the seemingly sober Hayes a delicious hung over scene, Loy the most sophsticated with her droll responses, and Natwick slightly eccentric. Even with an outlandish plot and a not so great script, it is the four ladies who makes a silk purse out of a sow's ear, leading to a series just 2 years later reuniting Hayes and Natwick ("The Snoop Sisters") that had them playing different characters with similar personalities. Edwards plays a rather creepy, perverted character with obvious violent tendencies, but it's obvious that he's no match for these four feisty senior citizens who might seem like cartoon characters with a tweetie bird, black cat and umbrella but can definitely take care of themselves. As Hayes says, "It certainly has been one hell of a day, hasn't it girls?"

Four Little Ol' "Miss Marples" From Pasadena

[thursdaysrecords · 9/10 · 17 March 2018]

This is the perfect vehicle for veteran actresses Helen Hayes, Myrna Loy, Mildred Natwick and Sylvia Sidney. Four little old ladies living comfortably in Pasadena, reminiscing about their youth. Their flavor of the month pass time is participating in a computer dating service as a joke. Surely, this would be more amusing than their last adventure, when they decided to fill out military draft forms. Their little game leads to a string of unfortunate events, including the murder of a young prostitute.

What could have been made into a serious formula detective drama was helped by clever and amusing dialog, and the absolutely delightful quartet of aging stars, each in the typical character played so many different times over their long screen and stage careers: Sidney as the chain-smoking busybody, Natwick as the old-maid type always flattered by any attention given to her by men, Loy as the reasonable adult in the room, and Hayes as the lovable old lady with an answer for everything, for which she had just won the Academy Award the year before.

This is definitely entertainment of the 1970s, but a smart script like this one will be appreciated by audiences of all ages for generations to come. And, yes, that's "Dr. Ben Casey" as the unstable chauvinist, playing much against his beloved 1960s TV character. - This Comedy-Drama will bring joy to anybody out there with a flair for Hollywood Nostalgia. They don't write stories like this anymore, and they certainly no longer have the likes of real stars to play the parts.

The little old lady from Pasadena...times four!

[moonspinner55 · 3/10 · 19 June 2016]

Helen Hayes, Myrna Loy, Mildred Natwick and Sylvia Sidney are four oldsters in a Pasadena bridge club who concoct a fictional girl for a computer dating service; they want to live vicariously through the responses their creation will receive (I guess), but instead they attract the attention of a psychopath (Vince Edwards, who talks to himself in a 'creepy' voice-over: "I'll get her some flowers...yeah, chicks dig that!"). Made-for-television mystery with a light touch attempts to balance wry character portraits with standard police detective work, with pallid results. Despite an Emmy nomination for Hayes, the female leads aren't able to create actual characters (it's just not there in the writing). Edwards, paunchy with spectacles and his hair combed down over his forehead, looks like an actor at the end of his rope. Hayes and Natwick went on to become "The Snoop Sisters" for a TV-movie and short-lived series.

I think those old ladies need to find something better to do with their time!

[planktonrules · 9/10 · 6 November 2016]

"Do Not Fold, Spindle or Mutilate" is a fun made for TV movie from 1971. I am pretty sure the success of this film led to a similar short-lived TV series, "The Snoop Sister"--with two of the same four stars who played the leads in this movie.

When the film begins, four cute old ladies meet for lunch (Helen Hayes, Mildred Natwick, Myrna Loy and Sylvia Sidney). Over lunch, one of them has a hair-brained idea....which shows that these women are really bored and have way too much time on their hands! For kicks, they'll create a fake persona and enter her in a computer dating service-- just to see what happens next. Unfortunately, one of the guys turns out to be total psycho (Vince Edwards)...one that is very scary and resourceful. Little did they know that the fake meeting they set up turns out to end in murder, as the crazed man thinks another woman is his computer date...and when she is confused and tells him to leave, he kills her! Now, he could come looking for the old ladies...or, these spunky old ladies COULD come looking for him! Either way, bad things could easily happen to them!

The reason this ridiculous plot works is that these old ladies are so gosh-darn cute. Additionally, the big confrontation scene with the murderer turns out to be very funny...something I didn't expect. Well made and fun...and one of the more enjoyable "ABC Movie of the Week" installments.

Teasing the neighborhood psycho

[bkoganbing · 3/10 · 26 February 2021]

Four stalwart actresses from Hollywood's golden era pair a quartet of old ladies with too much time on their hands. have they no grandchildren to spoil?

Helen Hayes, Myrna Loy, Sylvia Sidney, and Mildred Natwick decide one fine day to create a fictitious character for a computer dating service. They sit by and watch the fun as the local psycho Vince Edwards selects this fictional woman as his dream date. Unfortunately real life call girl Barbara Davis falls into this identity and is killed for her trouble.

I didn't find anything particularly amusing here. These women and their silly games caused a homicide.

Four stalwarts of the silver screen. You've all done better work.

Do Not Fold, Spindle or Mutilate (1971)

[trimbolicelia · 9/10 · 17 June 2022]

What an enjoyable hoot. Watching these four well-to-do biddies, with an enormous amount of time on their hands, get into trouble is great fun. They invent a fictitious woman and set up an account with a computer dating service to see, surreptitiously, what results they get. Unfortunately their result is a man with homicidal tendencies. He's a crud looking for a woman to support him and at times is scary. Even more unfortunately the biddies' actions lead to a prostitute's death. The murder can not be pinned on the old ladies, it shows that one's actions can have rippling and deadly results. The performances by Helen Hayes, Myrna Loy, Mildred Dunnock and Sylvia Sydney is worth seeing this film and I think led to the creation of the Snoop Sisters series. Highly recommended.

Fun!

[BandSAboutMovies · 5/10 · 5 February 2020]

Oh Ted Post. You made Beneath the Planet of the Apes. You directed Magnum Force. On TV, you were in the director's chair for episodes of Gunsmoke, Perry Mason, Wagon Train, Rawhide, The Twilight Zone, Combat!, Columbo, 178 episodes of Peyton Place and the TV movie that launched Cagney and Lacey.

You made The Baby.

If that alone didn't make us adore you, you also brought together four grand dames - Helen Hayes, Myrna Loy, Mildred Natwick and Sylvia Sidney - and gave us some hagsploitation fun on free TV. These four silver-haired troublemakers invent a woman for the new world of computer dating and jazz up their meet-ups by discussing the fictional world that their invented modern girl lives in.

Of course, their fictional girl has raised the ire or a serial killer named Mal, played by Vince Edwards. Yes, the very same man who was once the kindly Ben Casey. Now he's figured out that our plucky foursome is behind his mystery woman and all the gin fizzes and old fashioneds won't save them.

A year after this movie aired (original air date: November 9, 1971) NBC brought back Hayes and Natwick as The Snoop Sisters, a two-hour television film about two aged sisters who write mysteries as well as solve crimes.

This is based on a novel by Doris Miles Disney, whose book Family Skeleton became the 1950 movie Stella.