Marty Feldman credited as playing...
Igor
- Igor: You know, I'll never forget my old dad. When these things would happen to him... the things he'd say to me.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What did he say?
- Igor: "What the hell are you doing in the bathroom day and night? Why don't you get out of there and give someone else a chance?"
- [Froederick and Igor are exhuming a dead criminal]
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What a filthy job.
- Igor: Could be worse.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: How?
- Igor: Could be raining.
- [it starts to pour]
- Igor: Dr. Frankenstein...
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "Fronkensteen."
- Igor: You're putting me on.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No, it's pronounced "Fronkensteen."
- Igor: Do you also say "Froaderick"?
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No... "Frederick."
- Igor: Well, why isn't it "Froaderick Fronkensteen"?
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: It isn't; it's "Frederick Fronkensteen."
- Igor: I see.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: You must be Igor.
- [He pronounces it ee-gor]
- Igor: No, it's pronounced "eye-gor."
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: But they told me it was "ee-gor."
- Igor: Well, they were wrong then, weren't they?
- Igor: What is this?
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Schwartzwalder Kirschtorte.
- The Monster: [off-screen] MMMMMMM!
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Oh, do you like it? I'm not partial to desserts myself, but this is excellent.
- Igor: Who are you talking to?
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: To you. You just made a yummy sound, so I thought you liked the dessert.
- Igor: I didn't make a yummy sound, I just asked you what it is.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: But you did. I just heard it.
- Igor: It wasn't me.
- Inga: It wasn't me.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Well, now look here. If it wasn't you, and it wasn't you...
- [he asks himself]
- The Monster: [off-camera] Mmmmmm!
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: You know, I'm a rather brilliant surgeon. Perhaps I can help you with that hump.
- Igor: What hump?
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [Reading from his grandfathers' notebook] "As the minuteness of the parts formed a great hinderance to my speed, I resolved therefore to make a being of a gigantic stature."
- [pause]
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Of course. That would simplify everything.
- Inga: In other vords: his veins, his feet, his hands, his organs vould all have to be increased in size.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Exactly.
- Inga: He vould have an enormous schwanzstucker.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: That goes without saying.
- Inga: Voof.
- Igor: He's going to be very popular.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Igor, help me with the bags.
- Igor: [Imitating Groucho Marx] Soitenly. You take the blonde, I'll take the one in the toiben.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I was talking about the luggage.
- Inga: Werewolf!
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Werewolf?
- Igor: There.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What?
- Igor: There, wolf. There, castle.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Why are you talking that way?
- Igor: I thought you wanted to.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No, I don't want to.
- Igor: [shrugs] Suit yourself. I'm easy.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [to Igor] Now that brain that you gave me. Was it Hans Delbrück's?
- Igor: [pauses] No.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Ah! Very good. Would you mind telling me whose brain I DID put in?
- Igor: Then you won't be angry?
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I will NOT be angry.
- Igor: Abby someone.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [pauses] Abby someone. Abby who?
- Igor: Abby... Normal.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [pauses] Abby Normal?
- Igor: I'm almost sure that was the name.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [chuckles] Are you saying that I put an abnormal brain into a seven and a half foot long, fifty-four inch wide GORILLA?
- [grabs Igor and starts throttling him]
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Is that what you're telling me?
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Love is the only thing that can save this poor creature, and I am going to convince him that he is loved even at the cost of my own life. No matter what you hear in there, no matter how cruelly I beg you, no matter how terribly I may scream, do not open this door or you will undo everything I have worked for. Do you understand? Do not open this door.
- Inga: Yes, Doctor.
- Igor: Nice working with ya.
- [Dr. Frederick Frankenstein goes into the room with The Monster. The Monster wakes up]
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Let me out. Let me out of here. Get me the hell out of here. What's the matter with you people? I was joking! Don't you know a joke when you hear one? HA-HA-HA-HA. Jesus Christ, get me out of here! Open this goddamn door or I'll kick your rotten heads in! Mommy!
- [Frederick, Inga and Igor find an abandoned violin]
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Well this explains the music.
- Igor: It's still warm.
- [after failing to bring the creature to life]
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Nothing.
- Inga: Oh, Doctor, I'm sorry.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No. No. Be of good cheer. If science teaches us anything, it teaches us to accept our failures, as well as our successes, with quiet dignity and grace.
- [starts beating up the creature]
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Son of a bitch! Bastard! I'll get you for this! What did you do to me? What did you do to me.
- Inga: Stop it! Stop that! Stop it! You'll kill him!
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I don't want to live. I do not want to live.
- Igor: Quiet dignity and grace
- [rolls eyes]
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Oh... mama...
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Are you ready?
- Igor: Are you sure this is how they did it?
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Yes! It's all written down in the notes! Now tie off the kites and hurry down as fast as you can!
- Igor: What's the hurry?
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: There's a possibility of electrocution! Do you understand?
- [no answer, shouts]
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I said, there is a possibility of electrocution! Do you understand?
- Igor: [suddenly appears next to Fredrick] I understand. I understand. Why are you shouting?
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Uh, you were sent by Herr Falkstein, weren't you?
- Igor: Yes. My grandfather used to work for your grandfather.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [Nervous laughter] How nice.
- Igor: Of course the rates have gone up.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Of course, of course. I'm sure we'll get along splendidly.
- Igor: I heard the strangest music from the upstairs kitchen and I just... followed it down. Call it... a hunch. Ba-dum chi.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: With such a specimen for a body, all we need now is an equally magnificant brain. You know what to do?
- Igor: I have a pretty good idea.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [pointing to Igor's hump] Good man. Didn't you, didn't you use to have that on the other side?
- Igor: What?
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Your, uh, oh nevermind.