Audra Lindley credited as playing...
Helen Roper
- [Stanley has been caught eavesdropping]
- Helen Roper: Now, you should say you're sorry.
- Stanley Roper: All right, all right. Listen kids, I'm really very sorry.
- Helen Roper: And you'll never do it again.
- Stanley Roper: And I'll never do it again.
- Helen Roper: And you'll take fifty dollars off this month's rent.
- Stanley Roper: And I'll never do it again.
- Mrs. Roper: I need a new stove
- Stanley Roper: There's nothing wrong with the stove you have, it works just fine.
- Mrs. Roper: Well, I better not break up the set.
- Stanley Roper: What set?
- Mrs. Roper: An old stove, and old husband, and they both take too long to heat up!
- Stanley Roper: Helen, I just wanted to prove to you that other woman found me attractive. And I proved it.
- Mrs. Roper: Well, fine, go to her. See if I care. I hope you're happy.
- Stanley Roper: I don't want to be happy; I want to be with you.
- Stanley Roper: I want my rent!
- Helen Roper: Stanley, where are your manners? You're supposed to say hello when you walk into a room.
- Stanley Roper: Hello, I want my rent!
- Stanley Roper: What's the cake for?
- Helen Roper: We're celebrating.
- Stanley Roper: Celebrating what?
- Helen Roper: The tenth anniversary of my new spring outfit.
- Helen Roper: Oh, why don't you go see your dentist!
- Stanley Roper: What for?
- Helen Roper: Because your toothache is giving me a pain.
- Stanley Roper: Then you go see the dentist.
- Helen Roper: The place I got a pain you don't see a dentist.
- Stanley Roper: Not in my building!
- Jack Tripper: I swear, it will be completely platonic.
- Stanley Roper: I don't care what it - What does that mean?
- Helen Roper: Like you and me, Stanley.
- Stanley Roper: Will you put some clothes on? My wife's here!
- Helen Roper: Mind your own business, Stanley.
- Stanley Roper: What if the towel slips?
- Helen Roper: Mind your own business, Stanley.
- Chrissy: Jack, you have some shaving cream on your face.
- Jack Tripper: Oh, thank you.
- Chrissy: [shouts] No, Jack!
- Helen Roper: Mind your own business, Chrissy!