Theodore Bikel credited as playing...
Oliver Brandt
- Lt. Columbo: You know, sir, it's a funny thing. All my life I kept running into smart people. I don't just mean smart like you and the people in this house. You know what I mean. In school, there were lots of smarter kids. And when I first joined the force, sir, they had some very clever people there. And I could tell right away that it wasn't gonna be easy making detective as long as they were around. But I figured, if I worked harder than they did, put in more time, read the books, kept my eyes open, maybe I could make it happen. And I did. And I really love my work, sir.
- Oliver Brandt: I can tell you do.
- Oliver Brandt: I was an imitation adult, because that's what was expected of me. Most people don't like smart people. Most children despise smart children; so, early on, I had to hide my so-called gift, conceal it from my own brothers and sisters, my classmates, in the service... Painful, lonely years.
- Oliver Brandt: Bertie had a tin ear. He understood nothing and liked everything... Tchaikovsky included.
- Oliver Brandt: I want what is DUE me! Some affection, understanding, gratitude! Support in the worst of times!
- Vivian Brandt: I don't know what you're talking about.
- Oliver Brandt: I have embezzled funds! And I did it for you.
- Vivian Brandt: Oliver, I've never understood about business. I belong to another part of your life.
- Oliver Brandt: Do you understand what I am telling you?
- Vivian Brandt: No. And I don't think I want to.
- Oliver Brandt: [hamster wheel] That's the story of Bertie's life!
- Bertie Hastings: Does the joke always have to be at my expense?
- Oliver Brandt: Do you understand what I am telling you?
- Vivian Brandt: No. And I don't think I want to.