Ellen Burstyn credited as playing...
Doris
- George: I told you I was a married man with two children.
- Doris: You're not?
- George: I'm a married man with three children... I thought it would make me seem less married. All right, I didn't think it through, all right? There's been like a lead weight inside me all morning. I mean, denying little Debbie like that!
- George: Dorothy, in the first place I want you to know that what happened last night was the most beautiful, wonderful, crazy thing that's ever happened to me and I'll never forget it or you.
- Doris: Doris.
- George: What?
- Doris: My name is Doris.
- George: Your name is Doris?
- Doris: Yes.
- George: But, I've been calling you Dorothy all night.
- Doris: I know.
- Doris: Well, I just overheard him talking to some of the guys, and he said that his... his time in the Army were the best years of his life.
- George: What's wrong with that? Lot of guys feel that way about the service.
- Doris: Harry was in the Army for 4 years and 3 of them were spent in the Japanese prison camp!
- George: We'd been to a party and we had a few drinks. So we went to bed and we started making love. And nothing happened. I mean for me. I mean, I... I couldn't... well, you get the picture.
- Doris: [nods]
- George: I mean it was no big deal. I mean we laughed about it. And then about a half-hour later, just as I was going to sleep, Helen turned to me and said, "It's funny. When I married a CPA, I always taught that it would be his eyes that would go first."
- George: When It comes to life, I've got a brown thumb.
- Doris: What do you mean?
- George: I mean that nothing I ever do turns out right. Look, first time... first time I had sex I was 18 years old. We were in the back seat of a parked 1938 Dodge sedan. Right in the middle of it, we were rear-ended.
- Doris: Oh, and you didn't have any insurance?
- George: No. That's not exactly what I mean. I mean, look... take last night. Do you know what the radio was playing while we were making love? "If I Knew You Were Coming I'd Have Baked A Cake."
- Doris: So?
- George: So, that's gonna be our song.
- Doris: Is it?
- George: No. I mean, other people would have gotten "Be My Love" or "Some Enchanted Evening". Me, I get; "If I Knew You Were Coming I'd Have Baked A Cake."
- Doris: You go around like an open nerve saying, "Oh, yes, I'm cheating... but look how guilty I feel! So, I must really be a nice guy." Then... then to top it all, you have the incredible arrogance of thinking you're the only person in the world with a conscience! That doesn't make you a nice guy, George! You know what that makes you? A horse's ass!
- [last lines]
- George: OK, I'm back, goddamn it.
- Doris: What about Connie?
- George: Connie is 87 years old.
- Doris: What?
- George: Look, I wanted you to marry me and I figured if you thought somebody else wanted me, I'd stand a better chance. OK, maybe I didn't think things through. I was desperate, okay? Look, I don't even wanna discuss it. I'm back, and I'm gonna keep coming back every year until our bones are too brittle to risk contact.
- Doris: See, I got pregnant when I was just 18. So I've never really had any time to just think. You know, I mean about... well, what I think about. Never mind. I don't know what I am trying to say. Some times I think I am crazy.
- George: Why?
- Doris: Well, OK, like take my life. Now, We live in a 2-bedroom duplex in downtown Oakland and we have a 1948 Studebaker, a blond three-piece dinette set, Motorola TV, we go bowling at least once a week, I mean, what more could anyone ask for?