Barman: No music in this bar, no dancing please!
[McKyle is defending Superintendent Jupp on corruption charges. Regan refuses to testify as a character witness for Jupp]
McKyle: [pompously] My client is a distinguished police officer with whom you had a close working relationship for the past three years.
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Your client is so bent that it's been impossible to hang his pictures straight on the office wall for the past twelve months!
McKyle: Isn't there such a thing as loyalty?
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Loyalty is like a girdle: it should stretch two ways.
[while helping Carter to arrest a man at a brewery for poisoning the beer with arsenic, Llewellyn has got very drunk on the brewery's produce]
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: [to Carter] Well I always said you couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery. Seems I was wrong.
[the squad are watching a film of Shirley Hicks doing a provocative dance draped over the bonnet of a Panther sports car. Jellyneck is boring everyone with facts about the car]
Det. Con. Jellyneck: Do you realise that every single moving part of that has been machined by hand?
[to relieve the boredom during a stakeout, Llewellyn is watching busty young women walk past]
Llewellyn: Oooh. Look at that. Shouldn't be allowed. Fancy showing out in weather like this. Look, there's another one. Why does her mum give her a raincoat?
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Why don't you belt up?
Llewellyn: It's a combination of nerves and smoking too much - I get this hard-on like a milk-bottle.
[DC Jellyneck, who is short, squat and bearded, is helping Willard over a wall as the Sweeney begin a stake-out]
Willard: Get off, ya fucking gnome!
[Carter is asking a teacher to help identify people in a group photograph showing boys holding a trophy]
Det. Sgt. George Carter: D'you think we could trace that cup?
School Teacher: [sarcastically] Why not? The whole area's been demolished. The church school was pulled down ten years ago. I think you've as much chance of finding it as marrying a virgin.
Det. Sgt. George Carter: What's a virgin, miss?
Det. Sgt. George Carter: Bring in Gorran. I'm gonna beat the shit out of him and that scrubber of his!
Detective: Hello George
Det. Sgt. George Carter: Hello
Detective: Looking for your guvnor?
Det. Sgt. George Carter: Yeah. What's going on?
Detective: Well son, you could call it a briefing. On the other hand you could say it was a piss-up for ten public servants as they wait for a bomb to go off in the penthouse suite