Robert Guillaume credited as playing...
Fred
- Fred: What should I do Ira?
- Stanley: What should he do about what.
- Glenda Gardenia Parks: The chicken, Fred is a vegetarian and doesn't know if he should eat it.
- Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: Eat the chicken Fred.
- Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: The man sleeps under my bed, drives my car, and wears my tuxedo... I just want to meet him. Hold it right there. You're under arrest.
- Fred: The police are on their way
- Nick Gardenia: Didn't like the chicken, huh?
- Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: Is this a gag?
- Fred: This is a government agency... you know we don't have a sense of humor.
- Nick Gardenia: [looks right into camera] Oh Sh**!
- Fred: [looks at Gardenia's image coming off printer] Jeee-sus!
- Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: Sorry.
- [takes his seat]
- Fred: Sorry.
- [takes his seat]
- Glenda Gardenia Parks: Sorry.
- [takes her seat]
- Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: [anxious to apprehend Nick Gardenia for the alleged bank robbery] The sooner he's caught, the better off we are. What are the police doing?
- Fred: The usual: road blocks, couple of helicopters, dogs - BIG dogs. Anything else?
- Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: Could we call the Air Force and ask for saturation bombing?
- Fred: So anyway, the son of a gun lifted every one of my lecture notes in college, and *he* makes Attorney General.
- Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: Well, you can't fight crime without first experiencing it.
- Fred: The chauffeur verified it.
- Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: A convicted felon who stole the hubcaps off six limousines during a funeral service. He verified it?
- Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: Would you all excuse me for a moment?
- Fred: Would you all excuse me for a moment?
- Glenda Gardenia Parks: Would you all excuse me for a moment?
- Governor: Peculiar time to go the john.