Judge Reinhold credited as playing...
Brad Hamilton
- Businessman: [wants refund on unsatisfactory breakfast] It says one hundred percent guaranteed, you moron!
- Brad Hamilton: Mister, if you don't shut up I'm gonna kick one hundred percent of your ass!
- Brad Hamilton: Why don't you get a job, Spicoli?
- Jeff Spicoli: What for?
- Brad Hamilton: You need money.
- Jeff Spicoli: All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.
- Jeff Spicoli: [5:36] No shirt, no shoes...
- Jeff and Stoner Buds: No dice! Ohhhh.
- Brad Hamilton: Right. Learn it. Know it. Live it.
- Jeff Spicoli: He's the full hot orator.
- Brad Hamilton: [after Linda opens the door on him while he is masturbating] Jeez. Doesn't anyone fucking knock any more?
- [Stacy Hamilton exits the abortion-clinic building, which is across the street from a bowling alley]
- Brad Hamilton: [to Stacy] Since when do you go bowling?
- Pirate King: Hamilton, you're going over there as a representative of Captain Hook Fish and Chips. Part of our image, part of our appeal is that uniform, you know that.
- Brad Hamilton: You really want me to put this stuff back on?
- Pirate King: Yes, I do. Show a little pride.
- Dennis Taylor: Hamilton, did you threaten this customer or use profanity in any way?
- Brad Hamilton: Well, he started it; he called me a moron, Dennis.
- Dennis Taylor: [firmly] Answer! Did you threaten this customer or use profanity in any way?
- Brad Hamilton: Yes.
- Dennis Taylor: You're fired.
- Brad Hamilton: [Television Version, when Mrs. O'Rourke discussed to Brad about his life, and he fires back at her] You know what Mrs. O'Rourke, you don't know me at all. I broke up with my girlfriend this year, I lost my job at All American Burger and two other places. I wake up, at 5:30 to go to work at Mi-T-Mart. Then, I go to school and, go back to Mi-T-Mart. My grades aren't that bad and, you're telling me the fun is over. Man, I'm still waiting for the fun to start!
- [Mrs. O'Rourke, shakes her head]
- [upon entering the restaurant where Brad Hamilton works, Jeff Spicoli and his two friends take off their shirts]
- Brad Hamilton: Hey, you guys had shirts on when you came in here.
- Jeff Spicoli: Well, something must have happened to them.
- Brad Hamilton: Yes, sir, can I help you?
- Businessman: Uh, yes, this is not the best breakfast I've ever had and I'd like my money back.
- Brad Hamilton: Uh, okay, I believe you have to fill out a form for that.
- Businessman: Uh, no, I'd like my money back now.
- Brad Hamilton: I'm sorry, it doesn't work that way. You see, I have to fill out a form and--
- [looks down at the half-eaten breakfast]
- Brad Hamilton: --well, you ate most of it, already, so...
- Businessman: [points at the 100% Guaranteed sign] You see that sign? It says "100 % Guaranteed". You know what the meaning of "guarantee" is? Did they teach you that here?
- Brad Hamilton: Sir, I...
- Businessman: Look, just put your little hand back into the cash register and give me my two dollars and seventy-five cents back, please...
- [looks at Brad's name tag]
- Businessman: ... Brad.
- Brad Hamilton: Sir, if you'd just give me a minute, I'll find the forms. I'll take care of everything.
- [gets down to search under the counter]
- Businessman: I don't have a minute. You made me late enough. I am so tired of dealing with incompetence.
- [coming out of the restroom, Arnold hears the angry customer and goes back in]
- Businessman: It says "100 % Guaranteed", you moron!
- Brad Hamilton: [jumps up angrily] MISTER, IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP, I'M GONNA KICK ONE HUNDERED PERCENT OF YOUR ASS!
- [hearing the commotion, Dennis immediately appears]
- Dennis Taylor: Uh, is there a problem here? Can I help you, sir?
- Businessman: You bet you have a problem. Your employee here threatened me with violence. I'm surprised. I eat here, all the time, and I usually get good service until today. All I wanted was money back on this breakfast. It was a little undercooked and he threatens me with violence. Now, I'm going to speak to your supervisor...
- Dennis Taylor: [holds up a hand to stop him] Uh, I can take care of this. Mr. Hamilton, did you threaten this customer with violence or use profanity in any way?
- Brad Hamilton: Well, he insulted me, first. He called me a moron, Dennis.
- Dennis Taylor: Answer me! Did you threaten this customer with violence or use profanity in any way?
- Brad Hamilton: Yes!
- Dennis Taylor: You're fired.
- [to the customer, who smiles happily at Brad]
- Dennis Taylor: I'm sorry, sir, I'll refund your money, right now.
- [Brad angrily takes off his hat and apron and storms towards the exit]
- Dennis Taylor: Hope you won't hold this against us. You know how kids are, these days. Here we are. Perhaps another breakfast?
- Brad Hamilton: [slams his hand on the men's restroom door] I hope you had a hell of a piss, Arnold!
- Brad Hamilton: Arnold, do you want to work at All-American Burger?
- Arnold: Yeah, well, um...
- Brad Hamilton: I can probably get you in there. Just let me talk to Dennis Taylor.
- Brad Hamilton: Do you want to go to the Point tonight?
- Lisa: What's there to do at the Point?
- Brad Hamilton: What do you mean, "What's there to do at the Point?" We've been going out together for two years.
- Lisa: I don't want to have to use sex as a tool, Brad.
- Brad Hamilton: Tool? Tool, for what?