Joanna Lumley credited as playing...
Countess Chandra
- Countess Chandra: Darling?
- Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Yes, my darling?
- Countess Chandra: You're smoking the wrong end.
- Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Yes... I knew that. You don't have to tell me I am smoking zhe wrong end. Do you know why I am smoking zhe wrong end?
- Countess Chandra: No darling, but I'm sure you've got a very good reason.
- Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: You're right! I am smoking on zhe wrong end, because I have a very good reason.
- Sergeant Clifton Sleigh: [offering photograph] Do you know this man?
- Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: No! I have never seen this person ever in my life! Never!
- Sergeant Clifton Sleigh: It's Inspector Clouseau.
- Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: *Chief* Inspector.
- Countess Chandra: *That's* Inspector Clouseau.
- Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: *Chief* Inspector!
- Sergeant Clifton Sleigh: You know him?
- Countess Chandra: Yes!
- Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: What?
- Countess Chandra: We have a problem, Julie's in hospital. The man Chief Fagilla says shot her with the tranquilizer dart has escaped. Chief Fagilla says the man was impersonating Sergent Sleigh. Doesn't make sense, Julie knew what Sleigh looked like.
- Doctor: Sometimes it is possible to look like one person but actually be another.
- [Finishes removing bandages]
- Doctor: Ta-da!
- Countess Chandra: My God! It's fantastic. Oh darling.
- [Kisses figure in chair]
- Doctor: Don't kiss him too hard, his lips might fall off.
- Countess Chandra: [Breaks from kiss] What?
- Doctor: Just a little surgical humor.
- Countess Chandra: [first lines; receiving the Pink Panther diamond from Rossi. Clouseau enters the room] How much?
- Gino Rossi: Six million.
- Countess Chandra: But that's ridiculous.
- Gino Rossi: It's at least worth thirty.
- Countess Chandra: It'll have to be split with at least forty percent of it.