Justin Henry credited as playing...
Mike Baker
- Long Duk Dong: Very clever dinner. Appetizing food fit neatly into interesting round pie.
- Mike Baker: It's a quiche.
- Long Duk Dong: How do you spell?
- Grandpa Fred: Well you don't spell it, son, you eat it.
- [laughs]
- Brenda Baker: Oh, Sam. Sam, I am so sorry about your birthday.
- Samantha: It's OK. I'll recover.
- Brenda Baker: It's important to you. And yesterday morning you were trying to tell me.
- [Sniffling]
- Samantha: It's OK, Mom. These things sometimes happen.
- Brenda Baker: Oh, honey, I just feel miserable.
- Samantha: You'll feel better.
- Mike Baker: Who died?
- Brenda Baker: Uh... Is there something you want to say to your sister?
- Mike Baker: What? Are you kidding? Where should I start?
- Brenda Baker: I mean about her birthday. It was yesterday. We all forgot.
- Mike Baker: [laughing] Classic.
- Brenda Baker: Deep down, he's really sorry.
- Brenda Baker, Samantha: [Together] No, he's not.
- Samantha: This is the single worst day of my entire life!
- Mike Baker: What the hell are you bitchin' about? I have to sleep under some Chinaman named after duck's dork.
- Samantha: Well, where am I sleeping?
- Mike Baker: Sofa City, Sweetheart.
- Mike Baker: [about Ginny] Dad, she's got her period. Should make for an interesting honeymoon, huh?
- Jim Baker: Where are you learning that stuff?
- Mike Baker: School.
- Jim Baker: Good. I get my money's worth.
- Jim Baker: I can't believe it. Ginny's not in the shower.
- Mike Baker: [standing in front of the bathroom door] I wouldn't go in there if I were you. Grandpa Fred was in there for half an hour. It's totally polluted.
- Jim Baker: Get dressed.
- Mike Baker: [Jim enters the bathroom and closes the door] It's your nose.
- [after a few seconds, Jim walks out of the bathroom clearly repulsed by the stench emitting from it]
- Mike Baker: They never listen.
- Brenda Baker: [to Sam] I'm sorry, you'll have to buy lunch today. I didn't have time to fix your carrots.
- Mike Baker: Yeah, well, she's only eating carrots to increase the size of her breasts!