Andrea Elson credited as playing...
- [ALF and Lynn are trying to get their parents to stop fighting]
- ALF: To get a couple back together on Melmac, we'd recreate the happiest moment of their marriage.
- Lynn: I wonder what Mom and Dad's happiest moment was.
- ALF: The day they met me?
- Lynn: Think again.
- ALF: The day after they met me.
- Lynn: Keep thinking.
- ALF: I can't. My brain hurts.
- ALF: All right. Let me see if I've got this reindeer thing straight. There's... uh... there's Dasher, Dancer, Comet, Cupid... Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
- Lynn: No, it's Prancer, Dancer, Vixen, Blitzen...
- ALF: Huey, Duey and Luey.
- Brian: No, those are ducks.
- ALF: Then how do they pull the sleigh?
- Lynn: You have a cousin named Blinky?
- ALF: Well, we call him that because he likes to eat lightbulbs.
- ALF: I'm on a new diet. I can eat as much of whatever I want.
- Lynn: And you lose weight that way?
- ALF: You do?
- Kate: Where's Lizard taking you?
- Lynn: To a science fiction movie. Something about this guy being shrunk and then injected into someone else.
- ALF: That's not science fiction. A friend of mine did that once. He took a wrong turn and got stuck in a guy's nose.
- [the Tanners talk about ALF getting to know Willie's brother]
- Lynn: He's a wonderful guy, with a terrific sense of humor.
- ALF: I'm not gonna marry him, if that's what you're getting at.
- Willie: You're meeting my brother, it's not the Pope.
- ALF: I'd rather meet the Pope. I love his hats.
- Lynn: Oh, Alf. What are we gonna do with you?
- ALF: I guess you'll have to love me as long as it lasts.
- Lynn: We will.
- Lynn: [giving ALF a haircut] ALF, hold still. I want to get it even.
- ALF: Well, don't cut it too short. It'll look like I have a big schnoz.
- Kate: I didn't realize you were so concerned with your appearance.
- ALF: You think I wake up looking this good?
- Kate: [doorbell rings] Doorbell.
- ALF: Hide in the kitchen, ALF. Hah! Beat ya to it.
- Lynn: Ahem. Two dollars, ALF. Pay up.
- ALF: Two dollars? I didn't even get my medicure.
- Lynn: Welcher!
- [ALF and Lynn are preparing a surprise dinner for Kate and Willie]
- ALF: I just need to finish spit-shining these plates here.
- Lynn: [grabbing the plates] That won't be necessary.
- ALF: Fine, let them eat off dirty dishes.
- Willie: You know, Trevor. It seems this young man is a little Mister Fix-it.
- Lynn: Little Mister Fix-it. How cute.
- Jake Ochmonek: You want me, don't you?
- [about ALF's "car"]
- Lynn: What's that thing?
- ALF: It's not a thing. It's an ALF Romeo.
- Jake Ochmonek: Can't I stay with the Tanners? I'm allergic to Kitch.
- Lynn: Go, enjoy. Drink the water. Adios!
