Rob Lowe credited as playing...
- Bernie: Was that the chick from last night?
- Danny: Yeah, I picked up the phone and she was already on the line.
- Bernie: Yeah, right. Pull this leg and it plays jingle bells.
- Bernie: I stole it
- Danny: You did not.
- Bernie: Oh, that's great, Dan. I tell you I'm a thief and you call me a liar.
- Bernie: You've got a lot of brass balls, you know that. I do all the work, you take all the credit. You know what your problem is? Your face.
- Danny: Yeah, right.
- Bernie: Come on, wise up, man, you're too good-looking. These girls go out with you and get nervous, man. They feel dumpy. They don't want to compete. They want a guy like - like me. You know, a guy that's gonna make *them* look good.
- Danny: You're right. A basic Neanderthal type.
- Bernie: Right! The swarthy type. A man's man. The kind of guy who oozes testosterone.
- Bernie: Are you getting serious? Well, she seemed like a hell of a girl. From what little I saw of her. Not too this. Not too that. Very kind of, um, what?... Ah, what the fuck, I only saw her for a minute. First impressions of this kind can often be misleading. Does she give head?
- Danny: What?
- Bernie: To you, I'm saying. Does she give head to you?
- [Silence]
- Bernie: Forget it.
- Danny: Hey, know one thing - I never screwed around on you.
- Debbie: Oh, well, let's just give the boy a medal! I didn't realise it was such a sacrifice.
- Joan: So, worried much about western civilization?
- Danny: Not really. Not tonight.
- Joan: It's collapsing, or hadn't you notice?
- Danny: I live in a pretty good neighborhood.
- Bernie: [Danny tells Bernie that he told Debbie he loves her] Ooohhhh! Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan!
- [pauses]
- Bernie: Who said it first?
- Danny: I did.
- Bernie: Ooohhhh! Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan!
- [pauses]
- Bernie: Was it before you came, or after?
- Danny: Yo, Gus. How about a refill?
- Gus: Yo, Dan. You know where the coffee is.
- Danny: I'm trying to impress my date.
- Gus: Then you shouldn't have brought her here.
- [repeated line]
- Danny: Yo, Litgo!
- Danny: [asking about Steve] Did you sleep with him?
- Debbie: No, Dan, we were bowling partners.
- [Danny makes fun of Joan when she comes in with a cake]
- Danny: Joanie! God, she looks grea... Oh, and she baked us a pie!
- Joan: Your vulgarian friend is downstairs, denting innocent people's fenders.
- Danny: [shouts down the stair hallway] Yoooo, Litko!
- Mr. Favio: You know what you are, Martin? You're a 14-carat fuck-up, that's what you are.
- Danny: Something wrong?
- Mr. Favio: Goddamn smartmouth. Jesus, you got a mouth! You think people like that mouth? You think customers like it? Mr Big Shot. How come you didn't cut off that dump on canal street?
- Danny: The Swallow?
- Mr. Favio: Awww, I say dump and he immediately connects with the Swallow! You know what a swallow is?
- Danny: Oh let me guess, it's a bird?
- Mr. Favio: Yeah it's a bird, a loser bird, a dodo!
- Debbie: Look, you want me to make Bernie feel right at home? I'll serve him a fist full of white bread and a hunk of Velveeta. Okay?
- Danny: Hey, he is a better person than that *bitch* on wheels you've got for a friend. You know, she's been trying to sabotage us from day 1.
- Debbie: Oh, and Bernie's been really full of comfort and support. He hates my guts and I'm bustin' my ass, making a seven course meal for him.
- Danny: Oh, you're not leavin' are ya?
- Joan: No, we're walking in backwards.
- Danny: Let me help you.
- [pumps a beer keg]
- Danny: Anytime I can give you a hand.
- Debbie: I'm finished. Just give yourself a hand.
- Danny: You don't have to run off.
- Debbie: Yes, I do. It's really - it's been a slice of heaven, alright. I - I just have to go home. It's - it's a habit of mine.
- Danny: Hey, you leave here knowing one thing. I never fooled around. Not once!
- Debbie: Well, let's just give the boy a medal. Forgive me! I didn't realize it was such a sacrifice!
- Joan: Oh, God! Another smoker! Look, do you mind?
- Danny: Oh, sorry, didn't know you were eating.
- [Joan snuffs the cigarette in the sink]
- Joan: There. I just added another seven minutes to your life... it's alright, I don't expect a thank you.
- Danny: Thank you.
