Phil Hartman credited as playing...
Ted Davis
- Ted Davis: ...but don't get her drunk. If you get her drunk,
- [alluringly]
- Ted Davis: she loses control!
- Walter Davis: Ted, are we talking a loss of inhibitions here, or does she pee on the floor?
- Walter Davis: New car?
- Ted Davis: [very smug from behind his sunglasses] Yes...
- Walter Davis: [leans forward and vomits in car] Uuuuugggghhhhhh!
- Ted Davis: Hey... I'll make it up to you.
- Walter Davis: Oh? You'll write me a check?
- Ted Davis: No, but I'll solve your problems for tonight. I know this fantastic...
- Walter Davis: Stop!
- Ted Davis: You don't even know what I was gonna say!
- Walter Davis: Yes, I do. You're gonna recommend another one of your psychotic friends.
- Ted Davis: I *resent* that, Walter.
- Walter Davis: Come on, Ted. You've tried to find me Miss Right before, only you always forget to mention one crucial detail. Like she's a dopehead or a lesbian or keeps a dead cat in the freezer. What a New Year's that was. "Walter, would you get the champagne out of the icebox?"
- Ted Davis: Okay, I'm sorry about that! But seriously, Walter, I know someone. Her name is Nadia Gates, she's Susie's cousin.
- Walter Davis: Ted, I don't wanna hear about it.
- Ted Davis: Don't you trust your own brother?
- [gets cold stare]
- Ted Davis: Right. No argument there. But all my usual bullshit aside, Nadia's an amazing woman. She just moved back into town, she's staying in a hotel, and she wants to meet people!
- Walter Davis: What's she like?
- Ted Davis: She's a sweetheart. Good sense of humor, lots of fun. You are gonna love her!
- Walter Davis: No, I am not gonna love her, because this is not going to happen!
- Ted Davis: [sighs] Suit yourself. But I give her my highest recommendation.
- Walter Davis: Ha! Talk about the kiss of death!
- [drives away]