Ray Walston credited as playing...
1st Judge
- 1st Judge: Re-direct, Mr. Weathers?
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: Yes, your Honor. Mr. Torkenson, how long have you known the plaintiff, Mr. Wilby?
- Phil Ames: Oh, approximately 12 years.
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: And over that duration, did you have an opportunity to form an opinion as to the character of the plaintiff?
- Phil Ames: I did, yeah.
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: Could you please state that opinion for the court?
- Phil Ames: You mean what I really think of him?
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: Your honest opinion, sir.
- Phil Ames: He's an asshole.
- Jo Ann: Objection!
- 1st Judge: You bet. Sustained! The answer will be stricken.
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: Sidebar, your Honor.
- 1st Judge: Sidebar? What for?
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: Because I want a sidebar.
- 1st Judge: [Grunts, then directs lawyers to his bench]
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: I respectfully request, your Honor, that the answer be allowed.
- 1st Judge: What?
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: It should stand. It is relevant.
- 1st Judge: And it's offensive. Don't compound it, counselor.
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: Your Honor, if I may...
- 1st Judge: Tell the witness to rephrase the answer.
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: Well, that's just it, your Honor. He can't. The word has a very distinct connotation. There's nothing else that quite captures it.
- Jo Ann: I object. Are you saying the president of a bank can't articulate his thoughts without using profanity?
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: What I'm saying, sir, is that there aren't many words to describe the particular slime that your client oozes.
- Jo Ann: Objection!
- 1st Judge: Mr. Weathers, just where in the name of God do you think you are?
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: I think, your Honor, that I'm in a place where every citizen can have his say.
- 1st Judge: Yes, yes, but not in any way he wants to say it. Tell him to pick another word.
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: Like what? Deceitful? Dishonest? Conniving? They're all close...
- Jo Ann: Objection!
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: But asshole really fits. It's the only word that accurately describes the man, and we can demonstrate just that. Everybody thinks he's an asshole.
- Jo Ann: Son of a bitch!
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: Oh, that's good, too!
- Jo Ann: Shut up!
- 1st Judge: What the hell?
- [Bangs gavel]
- 1st Judge: Court's adjourned. In my chambers! Now!