Goldie Hawn: Joanna • Annie

Overboard

Joanna • Annie

Annie: Mrs. Burbridge, would you come over here for a moment? Has it escaped your attention that these children have head-to-toe poison oak?
Adele Burbridge: Well, no, I... well, yes, but...
Annie: But what? My children are in need of medical assistance! And you can sit here and smugly lecture me on the importance of tests? Tests which exist to pigeonhole children's potential, a thing which cannot possibly be measured, least of all by anal-compulsive huns! And my husband may be a "large child," but that's none of your business! And my children may be rotten, but they're mine. And I think that they're bright, and sensitive, so I have no doubts whatsoever about their intelligence. I do, however, have serious doubts about yours!

Annie: I don't belong here, I feel it. Don't you think I feel it? I can't do any of these vile things, and I wouldn't want to. Oh, my life is like death. My children are the spawn of hell, and you're the devil. Oh, God...
Dean Proffitt: Baby, we like you.

Andrew: [Andrew hands Joanna her earrings after they've drank tequila shots below decks with the crew] You best not lose these again, madam.
Joanna: [perplexed] Again?
Andrew: You will forgive me, madam.
[clearly mocking her]
Andrew: "Andrew! I seem to have lost my ruby earrings somewhere between 64th and 68th street, find them."
Joanna: [geniunely contrite] I've behaved so badly. I don't know how you put up with me for so long.
[Andrew raises his eyebrows]
Joanna: You've done so many wonderful things for me and I've never even once said thank you.
[beat]
Joanna: I'm sorry.
Andrew: [embarrassed] Apology accepted, ma'am.
[he turns away and to the sink]
Joanna: [following him] Everyone thinks I'm crazy around here. Do you think they're right?
Andrew: [turning around to face her] Oh no, madam. Oh no. You... most of us go through life with blinders on, madam. Knowing only that one little station to which we were born. But now you, madam, on the other hand, had the... rare privilege of escaping your bonds for just a spell. To see life from an entirely new perspective. How you choose to use that information, madam... is entirely up to you.

Dean Proffitt: They're making out their Christmas lists
Annie: Oh, already?
Travis Proffitt: How do you spell "Porsche"?
Dean Proffitt: Well, they got me thinkin' though: what can I possibly give you ever that you don't already have?
Annie: [long pause as she thinks] A little girl.

Joanna Stayton/Annie Proffitt: [on her yacht; she's about to call for caviar when Andrew brings it in] Well! I almost had to wait.
[tastes it and makes a disgusted face]
Joanna Stayton/Annie Proffitt: What is this gelatinous muck? Andrew, when I tell you to pack staples, must I specify that you are to pack good caviar and not this $1.99 fish bait? Caviar should be round, and hard, and of adequate size, and should burst in your mouth at precisely the right moment.

Annie: Tell me something about my life, Dean, something not horrible.
Dean Proffitt: Well uh... yeah, there was that time you were working at Burger Boy, and this kid started choking on a French fry, and everybody in the place panicked, including me, except you, you knew exactly what to do. You ran over to the kid and you gave him that Heimlech, you know,
[grunts]
Dean Proffitt: and puh! The kid puked up the fry and they named you Burger Boy employee of the month. They put your picture above the cash register and everything.

Grant Stayton: [to Annie] I suppose we're on our way back to the jungles of Oregon?
Joanna Stayton/Annie Proffitt: I want to go back, Grant.
Grant Stayton: To him.
Joanna Stayton/Annie Proffitt: Yes. I'm sorry.
Grant Stayton: You haven't begun to be sorry, you hillbilly harlot!

Joanna Stayton/Annie Proffitt: These gnats keep landing on my wet nail polish. I guess I'm supposed to walk around with their little corpses stuck to my fingers, is that it?... It's easy for you to say. You don't have to sit out here in the brine with your perm frizzing to oblivion. I look like a bushman.
Andrew: [who's been painting her toenails] ... I've finished, madam. Would you like me to put your jewelry back on you?
Joanna Stayton/Annie Proffitt: No, I'm still tacky.

Joanna: Well, the entire civilized world knows that ALL closets are made of CEDAR.
Dean Proffitt: [in a backwoods accent] Well up here in Elk Snout ma'am see we don't know 'bout them closets, nor bathrooms neither. Shit woman, you're lucky I am house broke.

Annie: I just... ate a bug!
Dean Proffitt: Keep your mouth closed, there's a lot of things flying around out here!

Dean Proffitt: [sees his sons gathered in a group whispering excitedly] What's this?
Annie: Travis found a girlfriend.
Joey Proffitt: Hey, Trav, don't knock her up!
Annie: [sarcastically] Very funny!

[to Dr. Korman]
Joanna Stayton/Annie Proffitt: Grant's having another nervous breakdown, he thinks he's God. Keep him busy.

Dean Proffitt: I can't talk to you with you pulled away from me. Will you please get your head out of there and look at me?
Annie: No.
Dean Proffitt: Why?
Annie: [turns over, covered in Calamie lotion] Because I'm so ugly, I got poison oak too.
[cries]
Dean Proffitt: Nobody cares what you look like, normally you look really pretty, you just don't now.
Annie: [continue sobbing] I dont even have a wedding ring.
Dean Proffitt: What?
Annie: I lost my wedding ring in the sea.