Trace Beaulieu credited as playing...
Crow T. Robot • Dr. Clayton Forrester • Dr. Clayton Forester • Crow • Jackie Mason jar • TV's Madam • Winston Churchill
- Crow T. Robot: Well, a good thing about the movie was it wasn't any longer.
- Joel: And a bad thing?
- Crow T. Robot: It was this long.
- [repeated line]
- [a character looks directly at the camera]
- Crow T. Robot: What do you, the viewers at home, think?
- Crow T. Robot: Well, just come to see what you've done with all the grant money...
- [shouts]
- Crow T. Robot: Oh, my God!
- Dr. Forrester: Hello, Joely-boy-toy! Is it true what they say about space?
- Joel: Uh, What's that, sir?
- Dr. Lawrence Erhardt: That no one can hear you laugh!
- [manically laughs]
- Joel: Uh, Happy New Year, doctors?
- Dr. Forrester: Don't "Happy New Year" me, you white-piece-of-trash-floating-in-the-vaccum-of-space. We just heard that the Russians have launched their own comedian into space and he is already pulling a four rating.
- [cut to video footage]
- Russian Comedian: [holds up hand] This is my friend, Bishi. Bishi, how are you? I am fine
- [Chuckle]
- Russian Comedian: How is your wife, Bishi? She is fine but her neck hurts
- [Puts down hand, chuckles some more]
- Russian Comedian: thank you so much...
- Dr. Lawrence Erhardt: ...and he's a regular Gallager too! It's called "Very Incredible Movie Theater 4"!
- Joel: Dr. Erhardt and Dr. Forrester, would it be too much to ask if you could let me and my friends know when we'll be getting out of space?
- Dr. Forrester: Sure, Joely-Poley. Were planning a show for you right now here on Earth !
- Joel: Really?
- Dr. Forrester: Yeah, booby. It's about... a guy and three robots and they're submerged deep in the Trans-Alantic trench, three miles under the ocean surface and we send him transmission after transmission of Jacques Custeau movies.
- [evil laugh]
- Crow T. Robot: What a couple of dick weeds!
- Joel: Hey Crow, hush up! Listen... thanks but no thanks doc, we'll get used being out here in space for a little more time.
- Tom Servo: Um, excuse me, uh, how long are you gonna keep going to send us those gosh darn Turtle movies?
- Dr. Lawrence Erhardt: Don't "Gosh darn" me, you little snack headed piece of tin foil!You'll keep watching Gamera movies
- [Picks up a stack of tapes]
- Dr. Lawrence Erhardt: untill we get through all these ! ha ha ha ha ha!
- Doomsday Satellite: Welcome! You have passed through the first three thresholds of the Isaac Asimov Literary Satellite! Enter the disarm code or enjoy the consequences. Remember, this and all literary works of the last century are the sole property of Isaac Asimov and his many affiliates. Thank you for intruding, you have five seconds.
- Crow T. Robot: Quick Joel, cut EVERY wire!
- Joel: It's not gonna work, it needs an access code.
- Tom Servo: Try ego!
- Crow T. Robot: Sideburns!
- Joel: I'll try "I, Robot."
- Doomsday Satellite: [buzz] I'm sorry, the correct entry would have been "copyright" you now have six nanoseconds to realize the consequences.
- Joel, Tom Servo, Crow T. Robot: [there is a cloud of smoke, when it clears Joel and the bots are babbling and have sideburns - they stop] Huh?
- Joel: This cockamamie satellite's turned us all into duplicate Isaac Asimovs!
- Crow T. Robot: Hey, do you think it's a conspiracy?
- Tom Servo: Oh, no, I covered the conspiracy topic in my ten-volume history of assassinations and coups!
- Joel: This is TERRIBLE guys.
- Crow T. Robot: Oh, I don't know, at least now I'll have something to write about. You know, I've been thinking about annotating the Manhattan phone directory.
- Tom Servo: Oh, look, it's Commercial Sign. That'll fit nicely into my volume on the effects of advertising on the human psyche.
- Mike Nelson: You know guys, the whole situation, being stuck up here in space, forced to watched cheesy movies, interacting with other life forms... it kinda bites.
- Crow T. Robot: You're starting to catch on, Kimosabe.
- Son: I thought he had more of a personal interest in me because he knew you.
- Dad: Nonsense.
- Joel: He hated you.
- Dad: Harry worked that hard with every man he ever hired.
- Crow T. Robot: He got sent to jail for it.
- [a man in a fantasy movie pulls an arrow out of his chest]
- Crow T. Robot: Luckily this is before death was invented.