Beau Bridges credited as playing...
Frank Baker
- Frank Baker: Okay, let's hear it. We trashed the Avedon, the Luau Lounge - what's our beef with 'Feelings'?
- Susie Diamond: Nothing... except who cares? I mean, does anybody really need to hear 'Feelings' again in their lifetime? It's like parsley, okay? Take it away, nobody's going to know the difference.
- Frank Baker: 'Feelings' is not parsley!
- Susie Diamond: Frank, to you 'Feelings' may be goddamn filet mignon, but to me, it's parsley. It's *less* than parsley.
- Frank Baker: Look, 'Feelings,' despite what you may think of it, has always been one of the bright moments of the show, and a consistent crowd-pleaser, and consequently we have an obligation to perform it. If we didn't, the audience would be disappointed.
- Susie Diamond: Oh. Well, they weren't exactly crying their eyes out on New Year's Eve.
- Frank Baker: You passed over 'Feelings'?
- Susie Diamond: Yeah. Oh, and 'Bali Hai' went out with the bathwater, too.
- Frank Baker: Ah ha. I see. The cat goes away for the night, and the mice take over the orchestra.
- Susie Diamond: Hey! I ain't no mouse.
- Frank Baker: That's right - you're parsley.
- Frank Baker: [as she auditions 'The Candyman'] Thank you, Miss Moran, that's enough. Miss Moran... Miss Moran!
- [shouts]
- Frank Baker: Blanche!
- Blanche 'Monica' Moran: Sorry! I get so caught up in it sometimes, it's scary.
- Frank Baker: Yes, it is.
- Susie Diamond: Oh no, not the goddamn Luau Lounge again!
- Frank Baker: What's the matter with the Luau Lounge? They don't salt their peanuts?
- Susie Diamond: Singing 'Feelings' knee-deep in paper orchids and plastic tiki lamps is not exactly my idea of a fun evening.
- Frank Baker: Fun? Who promised you fun? We get paid, remember!
- Frank Baker: Jesus, when was the last time we played the Mallory?
- Jack Baker: '78, November.
- Frank Baker: Right, it was someone's birthday... Halloran?
- Jack Baker: He had a daughter, sweet sixteen.
- Frank Baker: Oh Christ! How could I forget? What a nightmare!
- Jack Baker: She asked for it!
- Frank Baker: I told Halloran we didn't do vocals, and he said, "What my Sissy wants..."
- Jack Baker: "My Sissy gets!"
- Jack Baker: [Leering] She got it, all right!
- Frank Baker: [in the Ambassador Lounge, in front of many people] Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to a very special lady with a very special way of singing a song. Miss Susie Diamond!
- Susie Diamond: [talking into microphone, but it's turned off, so no sound is coming out] Ladies and Gentlemen...
- Frank Baker: [whispering to her] Hit the switch. Hit the switch.
- Susie Diamond: Switch?
- Susie Diamond: [she accidentally flips a switch, microphone suddenly comes on, very LOUD] What FUCKING switch?
- Susie Diamond: [embarrassed, softly] Pardon me.
- Frank Baker: [later, outside, he says it like he can't believe it] "Fucking." She says ''fucking'' in front of an entire room of people!
- Susie Diamond: l apologized.
- Frank Baker: [mad] Did you hear it?
- Jack Baker: [not mad, just repeating it for Frank's sake] Fucking.
- Susie Diamond: Look, they were on their third Mai Tai by the time l got out there, anyway.
- Frank Baker: [still mad] Fucking!
- Susie Diamond: [defensively] For Christ's sake, l said it, l didn't DO it. Besides, l don't think they were that offended.
- Frank Baker: [after their show, pouring champagne:] Mark my words. From this night forward, our lives will *never*... be the same.
- Susie Diamond: I'll tell you what, Frank. You get more pop out of two glasses of champagne than anyone I know.
- Jack Baker: [after Frank berated his smoking habit] I'll take just a wild stab, Frank, but is something bothering you?
- Frank Baker: Leave her alone. I mean it. Jack, this isn't some hat-check girl you can leave behind at the Sheridan. You've got two shows a *night* with her!
- Jack Baker: You don't know what you're talking about.
- Frank Baker: I know *trouble*, and it's name starts with an S.
- Jack Baker: Do me a favor, Frank. Relax.
- Frank Baker: You do me a favor, little brother. Stick to cocktail waitresses.