Christian Slater credited as playing...
Jason 'J.D.' Dean
- Kurt's Dad: My son's a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son.
- J.D.: Wonder how he'd react if his son had a limp wrist with a pulse.
- J.D.: Football season is over, Veronica. Kurt and Ram had nothing left to offer the school except date rapes and AIDS jokes.
- Veronica Sawyer: I just killed my best friend.
- J.D.: And your worst enemy.
- Veronica Sawyer: Same difference.
- J.D.: I can't believe you did it. I was teasing. I loved you. Course, I was coming up here to kill ya...
- Ram Sweeney: [after watching J.D. flirt with Veronica] Let's kick his ass!
- Kurt Kelly: Shit, Ram - we're seniors, man. We're too old for that kind of crap. Let's give 'im a good scare, though.
- [They walk to where J.D. is sitting]
- Ram Sweeney: [Sticking his fingers into J.D.'s lunch] You gonna eat this?
- Kurt Kelly: What did your boyfriend say when you told 'im you were movin' to Sherwood, Ohio?
- Ram Sweeney: Answer him, dick!
- Kurt Kelly: Hey Ram, doesn't this cafeteria have a "No Fags Allowed" rule?
- J.D.: Well they, uh, seem to have an open door policy for assholes though, don't they?
- Kurt Kelly: What did you say, dickhead?
- J.D.: [He sighs, stands, and pulls out a gun] I'll repeat myself.
- [He shoots Kurt and Ram]
- Veronica Sawyer: You know what I want, babe?
- J.D.: What?
- Veronica Sawyer: Cool guys like you out of my life.
- Veronica Sawyer: This may seem like a really stupid question...
- J.D.: There *are* no stupid questions.
- Veronica Sawyer: You inherit 5 million dollars the same day aliens land on the earth and say they're going to blow it up in 2 days. What do you do?
- J.D.: That's the stupidest question I've ever heard.
- Veronica Sawyer: You're a rebel? You think you're a rebel? You're not a rebel you're fucking psychotic!
- J.D.: You say 'toh-may-toe', I say 'toe-mah-toh.
- J.D.: People will look at the ashes of Westerburg and say; "now there's a school that self-destructed, not because society didn't care, but because the school was society." Now that's deep.
- Veronica Sawyer: That knife is filthy.
- J.D.: What do you think I'm going to do with it, take out her tonsils?
- Veronica Sawyer: Excuse me, I think I know Heather a little bit better than you do. If she were going to slit her wrists, the knife would be spotless.
- J.D.: Is your life perfect?
- Veronica Sawyer: I'm on my way to a party at Remington University... No, my life's not perfect. I don't really like my friends.
- J.D.: I... I don't really like your friends either.
- Veronica Sawyer: Well, it's just like - they're people I work with, and our job is being popular and shit.
- J.D.: Maybe it's time to take a vacation.
- J.D.: Um... 'to me, though, suicide is the natural answer to the myriad of problems life has given me'.
- Veronica Sawyer: That's good but Heather would never use the word myriad.
- J.D.: This is the last thing she'll ever write; she'll want to use as many 50-cent words as possible.
- Veronica Sawyer: She missed 'myriad' on the vocab test two weeks ago.
- J.D.: That only proves my point more. The word is a badge for her failures at school.