Steven Weber credited as playing...
Brian Michael Hackett
- Casey Chappel Davenport: We're not having a big sandwich!
- Brian Hackett: [slightly annoyed] This is Nanucket, its not San Francisco. We are a simple people. We fish our waters, we till our lands, we eat a big sandwich.
- Brian Hackett: Listen, We are throwing a suprise engagement party for Joe and Helen and um your all invited.
- Casey Chappel Davenport: Its at the Harbor House tonight, we'll meet you in the lobby at 7:30
- Roy Biggins: Well, its a little last minute but its a party and who am I to pass up a big sandwich. How many feet you go for, eight feet?
- Lowell Mather: No, this is Joe and Helen, its gotta be the ten footer!
- Brian Hackett: Brace yourself guys... um... were not having a big sandwich.
- Lowell Mather: Excuse me um almost sounded like you said there'd be no big sandwich.
- Fay Schlob Dumbly DeVay Cochran: Everyone loves the big sandwich.
- Roy Biggins: A party with out a big sandwich? it it it it its just not done.
- Casey Chappel Davenport: All right! Enough about the big sandwich. I am sure you will all be more than pleased with the food especially after you've tasted the marvelous poached Salmon.
- Lowell Mather: How many feet did you get?
- Casey Chappel Davenport: It doesn't come by the foot.
- Lowell Mather: Then how do you know when your full?
- Casey Chappel Davenport: I gotta get off this Island
- [leaves quickly]
- Joe Hackett: What have we got that's worth fifteen thousand dollars?
- Brian Hackett: You are sitting on it.
- Joe Hackett: I am NOT going in that line of work.
- Brian Hackett: I'm talking about taking out a mortgage on the house, and DON'T flatter yourself.
- Brian Hackett: [after a suggestion is made to make s'mores] No, I hate s'mores!
- Joe: How could you hate s'mores?
- Brian Hackett: Because that's the stupidest name for a food, like "It's so good, I want s-more," Those are so stupid, they should be called stupids!
- Helen: I thought Alex had better taste in men than to go out with you.
- Brian Hackett: Well, obviously, she doesn't.
- Brian Hackett: This is the worst Christmas ever. I had thought it was the one when our parents bought us hamsters and forgot to poke holes in the boxes, but at least that had a moment of suspense.
- Brian Hackett: "Merry Christmas, Brian! Merry Christmas, Brian!" Why does everyone keep saying that? It's only one day! God was born - move on!
- [describing Helen and Lowell's date]
- Helen: ...then he kissed my hand.
- Brian Hackett: Where was your hand?
- Joe Hackett: Hello!
- Roy Biggins: So what you're saying is, she's not interested in me, that I don't mean anything to her. She just wants to get me into bed & use me like some cheap piece of meat?
- Brian Hackett: Exactly.
- Roy Biggins: I can live with that!
- Brian Hackett: It says here, fifteen percent of the American public would rather watch television than have sex.
- Roy Biggins: Fifteen perc... Yeah, yeah, I buy that, yeah. You know, maybe you're... you're too tired, or she's too... what's a nice way to put this? Ugly.
- Brian Hackett: The words "too tired" aren't in my vocabulary, and frankly, Roy, I don't think the words "too ugly" should be in yours.