Bob Bainborough credited as playing...
Dalton Humphrey • Dalton Humphries
- Red Green: You can't be forgetting your wedding anniversary, Dalton.
- Dalton Humphries: Yeah, it's kind of ironic when the second dumbest thing you ever did was to forget the dumbest thing you ever did.
- [Red tries to get Dalton to guess the word 'Paranoid']
- Red Green: You got two slippers. That makes a...?
- Dalton Humphries: Pair.
- Red Green: Someone bugs you, you get...?
- Dalton Humphries: Annoyed.
- Red Green: Put 'em together. Put 'em together.
- Dalton Humphries: You say someone's stealing my slippers to annoy me? You know, it's probably my neighbor, you know, because he's trying to get me. He thinks I sneak into his house at night and rearrange his furniture.
- Red Green: All right, and he thinks that way because he's...
- Dalton Humphries: ... caught me doing it.
- [Red has complained about the Possum Van not working right]
- Dalton Humphries: Why don't you just call a tow truck?
- Red Green: A tow truck? That's a hundred bucks, Dalton. I can replace the van for 75.
- Dalton Humphries: [showing Red a bouquet of flowers for show's return] I went to a lot of trouble to get these. Cemetery gates were locked when I got there.
- Dalton Humphries: You know, it's not what you make, it's what you spend there. It's not what you pay, it's what you buy.
- [Dalton talks about his favorite car, a Chevy 2, which has apparently changed his life]
- Dalton Humphries: It taught me not to be materialistic, not to get attached to furniture or books and family photographs. Things just aren't that important. You know what? It's the money you make *selling* things that's important.
- [the lodge members are trying to get into the record books]
- Dalton Humphries: What about you, Red? Is there anything you can do to set a world record?
- Red Green: Well, I could, but that's kind of between Bernice and I. I'm pretty sure they don't have that category.
- [he gestures towards the Guiness Book of World Records in Winston's hand]
- Winston Rothschild: [looking at the book] Oh, no, snoring is in here.