Danielle Harris credited as playing...
Melissa
- Melissa Crandell: How come you gotta go?
- Mom: Because, I have had a very rough 37 years, and I need a break.
- Melissa Crandell: You promised you'd sign me up for baseball!
- Mom: Little League will be there next year.
- Melissa Crandell: So will Australia! I wish Dad was around.
- Mom: No you don't.
- Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: You have spent over $3,000?
- Zach Crandell, Kenny Crandell, Melissa Crandell, Walter Crandell: [sheepishly look at her]
- Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: You're grounded! You are ALL grounded! How could you steal from me?
- Kenny Crandell: Well, now, they didn't really steal. They "borrowed". They were just following your irresponsible example.
- Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: Oh, shut up, Kenny! I am in deep SHIT!
- Melissa Crandell: Quit your job. Get out while you can.
- Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: I'm an embezzler. They're gonna throw me in prison.
- Zach Crandell: Nah, the judge will probably go easy on you considering that you're a minor.
- Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: I'm not gonna give up. I'll keep working. I'll... work overtime if I have to. A few more paychecks, I'll be able to put it back and no one's gonna know, right? I'm innocent!
- Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: [searching the house for the money] She must've had it on her!
- Melissa Crandell: Well it's ours! Go back and get it from the old hag!
- Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: Oh yeah, we'll just go down there and say "excuse me, we left our money on our dead babysitter". No way!
- Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: Look, we are a family of felons. Our summer freedom's going to be a winter prison unless I get some help around here. I want the house spick-and-span by Saturday night or I'm turning us all in. Are you with me?
- Kenny Crandell: Guys, what do you say?
- Walter Crandell, Zach Crandell, Melissa Crandell: Yeah.
- Kenny Crandell: Yeah? Come on, guys, what do you say?
- Walter Crandell, Zach Crandell, Melissa Crandell: YEAH!
- Kenny Crandell: YEAH! We're with you, Sue, ROCK AND ROLL!
- Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: Melissa, it was your turn to take out the trash this week.
- Melissa Crandell: Well I couldn't fit it into my schedule.
- Mrs. Sturak: Time for little girls to dress like little girls.
- [angrily]
- Mrs. Sturak: Sugar and spice!
- Melissa Crandell: [Sticks up her middle finger at Mrs. Sturak who walks up the stairs]
- Zach Crandell: We told you to talk to her. We didn't want you to send her to the glue factory.
- Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: I didn't kill her, Zach. She died in her sleep.
- Melissa Crandell: Probably choked on her whistle.
- Kenny Crandell: Um... what should we do with her body?
- Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: Call an ambulance, call the cops, I don't know. Well... I mean they're gonna come and get her and they're gonna ask us a lotta questions...
- Kenny Crandell: They'll probably blame us.
- Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: [scared of the thought] They'll definitely call Mom!
- Melissa Crandell: SHE'LL blame us.
- Kenny Crandell: Yeah, she'll hop the next flight home and then be in our faces.
- Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: I don't want Mom to come home.
- Zach Crandell: I don't either.
- Melissa Crandell: No way.
- Walter Crandell: Me too.
- Kenny Crandell: This place is a crock! We're never gonna make it through the summer. Man, I'm gonna hold up at Lizard's.
- Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: Oh, that's real brotherly of you Kenny. Always taking the easy way out. Don't you have any pride?
- Kenny Crandell: No.
- Melissa Crandell: I got an idea. When our food runs out, we can eat Elvis.
- [the dog Elvis runs out of the room]
- Kenny Crandell: What are we going to do for cash for the next two months?
- Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: What about a garage sale?
- Kenny Crandell: We live in the boonies.
- Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: What about calling Dad?
- Kenny Crandell: Dad doesn't care.
- Zach Crandell: What about blackmailing Dad?
- Melissa Crandell: What about donating blood? Don't they pay you for that?
- Kenny Crandell: You have to be over 18.
- Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: Well, there goes our great summer.