Kristy Swanson credited as playing...
- Buffy: All I want to do is graduate from high school, go to Europe, marry Christian Slater, and die. Now it may not sound too great to a sconehead like you, but I think it's swell. And you come along and tell me I'm a member of the hairy mole club so you can *throw* things at me?
- [Amilyn has lost an arm]
- Amilyn: We're immortal, Buffy. We can do anything.
- Buffy: Oh yeah? Clap.
- Buffy: Great. My secret weapon is PMS. That's just terrific. Thanks for telling me.
- Buffy: Does the word "duh" mean anything to you?
- Buffy: I have something that the other girls didn't have.
- Merrick: And what might that be, pray?
- Buffy: My keen fashion sense!
- Merrick: Oh, vampires of the world beware.
- Buffy: Pike isn't a name, it's a fish.
- Buffy: Are you okay?
- Pike: I can't move my legs.
- Buffy: Why?
- Pike: 'Cause you're sittin' on them.
- Buffy: [to weird stranger Merrick] Does Elvis talk to you? Does he tell you to do things? Do you see spots?
- [after punching Merrick]
- Buffy: Oh, wow. I-I never hit anybody before.
- Merrick: Really? Well you did it perfectly.
- Buffy: I didn't even break a nail.
- Buffy: You left me a message?
- Jeffrey: You weren't home! Like always.
- Buffy: You broke up with my machine?
- Buffy: You threw a knife at my head!
- Merrick: Yes, I had to show you.
- Buffy: But... you *threw* a *knife* at my *head.*
- Merrick: And you caught it. Only the chosen one could have caught it.
- Buffy: I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I'm in a graveyard with a strange man hunting for vampires on a *school night*.
- Buffy: Don't worry. They can't come in unless they're invited.
- Kimberly: I already invited 'em.
- [Buffy looks at her]
- Kimberly: They're seniors!
- Lothos: [Buffy holds up a cross] This is your defense? Puh-lease. Your puny faith?
- Buffy: No.
- [the cross ignites in flames and she tosses the cap off a hairspray can]
- Buffy: My keen fashion sense.
- [she sprays the flames, shooting them at his face]
- Buffy: Merrick, you made a joke. Are you okay? Do you want to lie down? I know it hurts the first time
- Nicole: Buff, I don't see why we have to invite every single senior.
- Buffy: Because it's the senior dance. It's just a shot in the dark.
- Lothos: You and I are one.
- Buffy: One what? Cute couple? I don't THINK so.
- Buffy: [to the weird stranger who tries to get into the elevator] Excuse much! Rude or anything?
- Kimberly: Buffy? What's your sitch? You're acting like the thing from another tax bracket. It's too weird.
- Buffy: Listen, a lot's been going on you guys, okay? And I really wanted to talk to you guys about it. See, um, a couple of weeks ago, I met this guy-...
- Kimberly: Oh my god, you're having an affair?
- Nicole: Cool!
- Jennifer: Does Jeffrey know?
- Buffy: It's not about that. He's, like, old. He's fifty.
- Kimberly, Nicole, Jennifer: Ewwwww!
- Jennifer: Gross!
- Buffy: Haven't you guys noticed what's been going on here? The strange things? Have you noticed people disappearing, turning up dead?
- Nicole: What are you talking about?
- Kimberly: Weird? You mean like hanging around with that homeless Poke?
- Buffy: Pike.
- Nicole: [gasp] Eww, you're having an affair with him?
- Jennifer: He doesn't look fifty.
- Buffy: Guys, I think reality stepped out of here about five minutes ago.
- Buffy: [Merrick has taken Buffy to the graveyard] D'you have any gum?
