Bruce Willis credited as playing...
Ernest Menville
- Ernest Menville: Where did you put my wife?
- Second Doctor: She's dead, sir. They took her to the morgue.
- Ernest Menville: The morgue? She'll be FURIOUS!
- [Helen has a gaping hole in her abdomen after being shot into a pool]
- Helen: Look at me, Ernest! Just look at me! I'm soaking wet!
- Ernest Menville: And there seems to be something wrong with your, uh... blouse.
- Emergency Room Doctor: I tell you what, kids, it's, uh, odd thing here. Your wrist, uh, far as I can tell, is, uh, fractured in three places. Uh, and you've shattered, uh, two vertebrae, though I can't be certain without an X-ray... The bone protrusion through the skin - that's not a good sign. Your body temperature is below 80, and your, your, your heart's stopped beating.
- Ernest Menville: What the hell does that mean?
- Emergency Room Doctor: Exactly! What... what... I'm going to get a second opinion.
- [the doctor leaves in a hurry]
- Madeline Ashton: Well, it could be worse.
- Lisle Von Rhuman: Go on... Drink it... It is the completion of your life's work. You gave other people youth and wasted your own! Drink. And you will be able to work again forever! Drink... drink, Dr. Menville. You owe yourself another chance! Drink! It's the right choice! The *only* choice! Drink! SEMPRE VIVE! LIVE FOREVER!
- Ernest Menville: Then what?
- Lisle Von Rhuman: What?
- Ernest Menville: Then what happens?
- Lisle Von Rhuman: What?
- Ernest Menville: I don't want to live forever. I mean, it sounds good, but what am I gonna do? What if I get bored?
- Lisle Von Rhuman: What?
- Ernest Menville: And what if I get lonely? Who am I gonna hang around with, Madeleine and Helen?
- Ernest Menville: She's dead!
- Madeline Ashton: She is? Oh. These are the moments that make life worth living.
- [upon discovering her neck has twisted a complete 180 degrees]
- Madeline Ashton: Ernest... my ass! I can *see*... my ASS!
- Ernest Menville: And there's something really wrong with your neck too.
- Ernest Menville: [at Helen's book party] Have you seen her yet?
- Madeline: What a joke. She's not even here.
- Ernest Menville: Wait. Look over there.
- Madeline: [a heavy-set woman stands surrounded by people] Oh! Looks as though she's lost a few pou-
- [the heavy set lady moves out of the way to reveal the incredibly thin Helen Sharp]
- Helen Sharp: You're a powerful sexual being, Ernest.
- Ernest Menville: I am?
- Helen Sharp: Yes, you are. If I never told you before, it was because I wasn't the sort of girl who could say the word "sexual" without blushing. Well I can now. Sexual... sensual... sexy... sex... sex... sex...
- Vivian Adams: I never had a chance to thank you for the spectacular job you did with my Aunt Esther.
- Ernest Menville: Oh, well, thank you very much.
- Vivian Adams: Her color, her tone. You even brought out her cheekbones.
- Ernest Menville: Well, that's my job.
- Vivian Adams: It was almost a shame to bury her.
- Ernest Menville: It's so sweet of you to say that.
- Vivian Adams: Can I ask you what your secret is?
- Ernest Menville: Spray paint. You see, you can't just use regular makeup on dead skin. The pores are too dry. You've gotta use a palette and grind the stuff in. One day I'm in the hardware store and I think to myself, "What about mannequin paint?"It's got its own chemical adhesive, comes in an incredible variety of flesh...
- Vivian Adams: [aghast] Excuse me!
- [hurries away]
- [Lisle has just stabbed Ernest's finger with the dagger]
- Ernest Menville: Ah! Wha-what are you doing?
- Lisle Von Rhuman: I'm loving you.