Jeff Bergman credited as playing...
Bugs Bunny • Elmer Fudd • Yosemite Sam • Daffy Duck • Porky Pig
- Bugs Bunny: It's no use, I just can't sleep. My delicate inner sense of danger tells me there's something fatally foreboding in the atmosphere. Elmer Fudd was a pale stereotype of his former self. Even paler than the original, if that's possible. And Sam wasn't Sam but an unreasonable facsimile thereof, a not so incredible insinuation. And that duck, sure, it looked like a duck and quacked like a duck.
- [the carrot Bugs Bunny accepted from Daffy rolls off a desk onto his floor, cracks open like an egg and out comes an alien rabbit]
- Bugs Bunny: [after feeling three light taps on a shoulder] Yeeesss?
- Pale Stereotype of Bugs: [brandishing an axe] Eh, what's up doc?
- [Bugs then runs away, screaming, then stops long enough to speak to the audience]
- Bugs Bunny: You know something, folks? This is the scariest part of the picture.
- [resumes running and screaming, the Looney Tunes closing begins, but Bugs Bunny stops it, lifting the film back up]
- Bugs Bunny: Wait, hold it! You don't think I would let it end that way, do you?
- Bugs Bunny: [Bugs sees second bunch of weird alien carrots] Gee, what strange looking wild cactus carrots. Oh well.
- [voiceover]
- Bugs Bunny: I didn't realize that I left ol' Sam in the lurch like that. I couldn't wait, I had a pressing appointment in duck hunting country.
- Pale Stereotype of Bugs: [brandishing an axe, ready to chop with] Eh, what's up, doc?
- Bugs Bunny: Give me that. Get in the sack, evil twin, I've got plans for you.
- Pale Sterotype of Elmer Fudd: [comes up on rolling legs, like a unicycle] I'm hunting wabbits, I'm hunting wabbits, I'm hunting wabbits.
- Bugs Bunny: Over here, darling, your rabbit's right in this bag.
- Pale Stereotype of Yosemite Sam: Racken fracken varmint, racken fracken varmint, racken fracken varmint.
- Bugs Bunny: This way, deadpan, don't dilly dally.
- Pale Stereotype of Daffy: [going from right to left and repeating] You're despicable! you're despicable! you're despicable!
- Bugs Bunny: [after capturing all of them & putting them into a sack] Oh, Margaret, what dopey dopplegangers.
- Bugs Bunny: [speaking of Elmer Rudd] He likes me, he really likes me.
- Bugs Bunny: [speaking Yosemite Sam] I never realized that so many people wanted to kill me.
- Elmer Fudd: Come out of thewe, you wetch!
- [Closing Credits begin. A fraud Porky Pig, apparently from the planet, "Noodnik", starts to come out of a Warner Brothers' Looney Tune and Merry Melody drum hole. As it started to speak, Bugs Bunny recognizes it to be a counterfeit and quickly immediately kicked it out it of the way and put the original Porky Pig in]
- Bugs Bunny: Oh, no you don't!
- Porky Pig: [after Bugs disposed of the counterfeit and much slower speaking pig, Porky Pig always stutters, and says his long time closing line of] Th-th-that's all folks!
- Bugs Bunny: It all began in a vast uncharted region of outer space. A whole flock of strange looking carrots drifting in space for billions of years, were floating down toward the Earth. But I didn't know it at the time. As far as I was concerned it was just another typical day, except that I was late to work.
- [Very first line and quote, as Opening Credits near its completion]
- Bugs Bunny: [Bugs sees first bunch of weird alien carrots] Gee, what strange looking carrots. Oh well.
- [voiceover]
- Bugs Bunny: I should've known right then that there was something screwy about those carrots. But gosh, I didn't have time to think. I had a date out west with a fiery redhead!
- Bugs Bunny: [Bugs sees third bunch of weird alien carrots] Gee, what strange looking... aw, you know!
- Bugs Bunny: Now maybe if I get rid of these robot retreads, then the genuine articles would come back. Gee, I don't know, but it just might work.
- Pale Sterotype of Elmer Fudd: [deadpan] Be vewy, vewy quiet I'm hunting wabbits.
- Bugs Bunny: Da-da-da-ta-ta! Here I am, here's your wabbit! What'll it be today wabbit stew?, wabbit cutwets?
- Pale Sterotype of Elmer Fudd: I'm hunting wabbits.
- Bugs Bunny: Okay, fair enough but you'll have to catch me foist!
- Pale Sterotype of Elmer Fudd: Be vewy, vewy, quiet, vewy quiet, vewy quiet.
- Bugs Bunny: There was something different about him, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it,
- [Bugs snaps a thumb and finger, of right hand, at the replacement]
- Bugs Bunny: he had a big dopey grin on his face and seemed could it be badly drawn!
- [Bugs knocks on the replacement's head]
- Bugs Bunny: Hey what's coming off here don't you want to chase me?
- Pale Sterotype of Elmer Fudd: Hewwo, I want to spwead sunshine, whereever I can, I can, I can.
- Pale Stereotype of Yosemite Sam: No, varmint. I don't wanna massacre ya. I'm a kinder, gentler Sam.
- Bugs Bunny: Oh brother!
- Pale Stereotype of Yosemite Sam: I like you and I think it's plum hilarious when you bamboozle me off this here cliff!
- [the Pale Stereotype of Yosemite Sam then jumps off the cliff, almost like suicide, to Earthlings]
- Bugs Bunny: Man, that's one for Ripley's!
- Pale Stereotype of Yosemite Sam: [Sam returns and unflattens himself] You see rabbit, I'm your friend. Now be a nice critter and bring home one of these wild cactus carrots, they're good for ya, for ya, for ya.
- Bugs Bunny: I didn't even know he liked ve-ge-tables.
- Pale Stereotype of Daffy: [Looking and moving like a puppet while his body occasionally disappears and reappears] Bugsy old pal, I want you to know that I enjoyed our little tay ta tays over the years.
- [Daffy's beak is now shows part of a human being's lips, when speaking]
- Pale Stereotype of Daffy: But now, it's all over it doesn't matter anymore.
- [repeatedly pointing at Bugs]
- Pale Stereotype of Daffy: You win, it is duck season. I admit it.
- [He walks away with his face, almost sliding off its head]
- Pale Stereotype of Daffy: [Shuffling out into the open] Fellas, the rifles!
- [Pale Stereotype of Daffy gets shot repeatedly, and then appears partially perforated, from the numerous bullet holes, through its feathered body]
- Pale Stereotype of Daffy: [Counterfeit Daffy returns with his entire body perforated with bullet holes and talking with a crazy looking mouth] Ya see old chum I bear you no personal animosity just bring home the...
- Bugs Bunny: [Bugs then interrupts Daffy] I know, I know just bring home one of these strange looking carrots! Okay, I'll do it.
- [Bugs accepted the alien carrot from the distraught counterfeit Daffy Duck]
- Bugs Bunny: So I took that creepy looking thing, but somehow I wasn't very hungry!