Lauren Lane credited as playing...
- C.C.: Seriously, Niles, where do you keep all that cash?
- Niles: Someplace you'll never get near.
- C.C.: Oh, your mattress.
- Niles: No.
- [pointing at Mr. Sheffield]
- Niles: His.
- Max: Niles, I don't know what the woman wants anymore! What am I supposed to do?
- Niles: May I speak freely, sir?
- Max: Yes, of course old boy.
- Niles: [with rising irritation as he speaks, making Max back up] I am so bloody sick of hearing this year after year! 'Niles, what am I to do?', 'I told her I loved her!' 'I took it back!', 'I'm afraid of commitment', 'I'm worried about the children'
- Niles: [Max has fallen onto the office couch. Niles hauls him up by the lapels] For God's sake, MAKE A MOVE! DO SOMETHING! YOU PASSED ON 'CATS', DO YOU WANT TO REGRET THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE TOO?
- [lets him fall back onto the couch, stunned]
- C.C.: [storms out and meets C.C. in the hall] What's going on in there?
- Niles: Oh, I have had it! I am trying to convince him to give up on Miss Fine and move on with his life!
- C.C.: [barges into the office] I AGREE WITH NILES! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? JUST DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!
- [Niles walks away smugly]
- C.C.: I wouldn't be caught dead in that dress.
- Niles: You'd have to be dead six months to fit in it.
- C.C.: I feel like I have died and gone to heaven.
- Niles: I have that dream, too, but you go in the other direction.
- C.C.: [to Niles] Don't you have something to dust?
- Niles: How about the left side of your bed?
- Fran: Question. When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment... at all?
- C.C.: I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.
- C.C.: I couldn't put a foot out of bed this morning.
- Niles: Did someone put a rock on your coffin again?
- C.C.: Do you know what makes me feel better when I'm sad?
- Fran: A fifth of scotch and a pack of batteries?
- [C.C. sees Maxwell's new girlfriend who is just like Fran]
- C.C.: Good God. It's multiplying.
- C.C.: I'll never get to the airport on time.
- Niles: That's true, sir, she needs at least two people on her broom to use the Express Lane.
- C.C.: I find it very unseemly of Maxwell to start dating again. Isn't the customary period of mourning 10 years?
- Niles: Die. Let's find out.
- C.C.: I find I can catch more flies with honey.
- Niles: I always thought your tongue darted out.
- C.C.: You are a pathetic excuse for a man.
- Niles: Ditto!
- C.C.: What is this un-natural obsession Maxwell has with his children? I can count the number of days I spent with my father on one hand.
- Niles: Seven?
- C.C.: What's Maxwell doing in London?
- Niles: One would hope, Miss Fine.
- C.C.: I'll bet my reputation on it!
- Niles: Sorry, there's a five dollar minimum.
- C.C.: Me and Max have rented a cottage right by the lake.
- Niles: How convenient, Sir, should you choose to drown yourself.
- C.C.: Oh, it is so pathetic, Nanny Fine thinking she could win a kissing contest. I mean kissing is an art, it has to be sensuous, deeply felt, and most of all, spontaneous.
- [C.C. kisses Niles]
- Niles: Was it as bad for you as it was for me?
- C.C.: This isn't a typical night.
- Niles: Yes, you're not home alone sitting on your foot massager watching "Sisters".
- C.C.: Let go of me you old...
- Niles: All right but I just...
- [C.C. walks out of the kitchen and into the dining room - we here a blood curdling scream]
- Niles: ... waxed the floor.
