David Gallagher credited as playing...
Mikey Ubriacco
- Mikey Ubriacco: I don't wanna brush my teeth. I brushed them last Saturday!
- James: I know, but you're gonna have plants growing out of your mouth.
- Mikey Ubriacco: We need a dog. 'Cause like those guys who come to our door to sell stuff, he could chew their legs off.
- Mikey Ubriacco: Stop brushing her, Julie. She already looks like a Q-tip.
- Julie Ubriacco: Your dog smells like a diaper.
- Mikey Ubriacco: Does not!
- Julie Ubriacco: Diaper dog! Diaper dog!
- Mikey Ubriacco: Q-tip head dog.
- Julie Ubriacco: Stinky dog!
- Mikey Ubriacco: Bald-butted dog.
- James: Mike, what do you think of this suit?
- Mikey Ubriacco: You look like my principal.
- James: See? Even he thinks it's stupid.
- Mollie: *He* is not offering you a dental plan.
- Mikey Ubriacco: [after he and James have brought Rocks home and have seen Daphne for the first time] I like Rocks better...
- James: [putting his hand over Mikey's mouth] A dog! A dog! Finally a dog! We'll playw ith your Rocks later.
- Mikey Ubriacco: [muffled] Okay, no problem
- Mollie: As I was just telling Samantha, there's no way we'd take her precious baby away.
- [as Samantha leaves room, she grabs James and gives him a suspicious look]
- James: [citing the 'dog school' Daphne attended] Radcliffe, honey, Radcliffe!
- [walks away]
- Mollie: You want to open another one of your presents?
- Mikey Ubriacco: It's probably just more stupid clothes.
- Mollie: Well you know what? If it weren't for them you'd be freezing your little tushie off right now.
- Julie Ubriacco: Yeah!
- James: [Molly, James and Julie are trying to cheer up Mikey] OH, Mikey. Mikey. What do you want? You want a pizza pie?
- Mikey Ubriacco: Oh great. The Cornball Family
- Julie Ubriacco: It didn't work.
- [turns off music player and leaves room]
- Mollie: [concerningly] Honey, you used to love that song.
- James: [also concerned] What can we do to make you feel better Mike?
- Mikey Ubriacco: Just tell me the truth. There is no Santa, is there?
- Mollie: Yes. There is, honey. But you know what it's like? I'll tell you what it's like. You know how in Cub Scouts you have den mothers? Well Santa has.. den Santa's. Alright...
- James: Mike, you want to know the truth, right? You don't want us to lie to you and this is the truth. Um... you know the whole thing about... the North Pole? Well it's just a story. It's just a story. Santa is... Santa is-is really... from Finland.
- Mollie: Finland.
- Mikey Ubriacco: Give me a break.
- James: No. He is.
- Mikey Ubriacco: How can some old guy get around the whole world in one night?
- James: Finland Airline.
- Mollie: That is correct.
- Mikey Ubriacco: And how could reindeer fly?
- James: Well becau-- Freight.
- Mikey Ubriacco: And how come Rudolph's nose glows? What is he, radioactive?
- James: Well, how come your grandfather's nose glows?
- Mollie: Um, I have the answer to this question. Mikey, some things in life are magic. Santa is magic.
- Mikey Ubriacco: [sighs] Magic's for babies.
- James: [putting his arm around her] Honey, nice try.