Jason Alexander: Abis Mal

The Return of Jafar

Abis Mal

Abis Mal, the Chief of the Thieves: [hesitating on freeing Jafar] Wait. How do I know that these things won't *disappear* once I set you free?
Jafar: [losing it] The more pressing question is... how will you stay alive if you DON'T?
Abis Mal, the Chief of the Thieves: [Nervously] But--but you said genies can't kill! You said that!
Jafar: You'd be surprised what you can live through.

Abis Mal, the Chief of the Thieves: [sees a giant ruby] Ooh-hoo, I always wanted one of those!
[runs forward and hugs it]
Abis Mal, the Chief of the Thieves: Nice! More! MORE!

Abis Mal, the Chief of the Thieves: I got it! I could wish for the famed treasure chest of King Malakhan!
[Jafar makes the chest appear with Abis Mal in it, then makes it disappear]
Jafar: Oh, I am dreadfully sorry. I thought that was your wish. Are you quite all right?
Abis Mal, the Chief of the Thieves: [agitated] No, I am not quite...
Jafar: Wonderful! Good to see all is well.

Abis Mal, the Chief of the Thieves: [while Jafar slashes the Sultan's turban] Hey, that was a nice hat. I could've worn that hat!
Jafar: We need this for our plan.
Abis Mal, the Chief of the Thieves: Couldn't we use another hat for the plan?
Jafar: Oh, no. The Sultan's turban and this dagger are *exactly* what we need... to seal Aladdin's doom.

Jafar: [to Abis Mal] Let's not be too hasty, my simple-minded friend. It's not enough that we simply DESTROY Aladdin. After all... there are things *so* much worse than DEATH!
[laughs menacingly]
Abis Mal, the Chief of the Thieves: [looks nervous and then smiles evilly]

Abis Mal, the Chief of the Thieves: [to himself] That stinking Aladdin! First chance I get, I'll slice him in half.
Thief: [to other thieves] That stinking Abis Mal. First chance we get, let's slice him in half.

[Aladdin, Abu, and Iago bump into Abis Mal and company]
Abis Mal, the Chief of the Thieves: You... look familiar.
Thieves: [chorusing] It's Aladdin!
Abis Mal, the Chief of the Thieves: Where? It is? I - I knew that! Hurt him a lot! Hurt him, and his monkey, and his bird, too!

Jafar: [he and Abis Mal appear at the sunken treasure ship of Coeur du Mer] Poor, sweet baby. Aren't we enjoying our wish?
Abis Mal, the Chief of the Thieves: [muffled, as an octupus wraps one of its tentacles around Abis Mal] No!
Jafar: Perhaps you wish me to return you to the desert?
Abis Mal, the Chief of the Thieves: [muffled] Yes!
Jafar: Very well.

Abis Mal, the Chief of the Thieves: [opening a treasure chest] Is this a haul or what, my surly band of desert skunks?

Thief: Grrr, how is it *you* get the jeweled flower, Abis Mal?
Abis Mal, the Chief of the Thieves: Why, this is my bonus for being your beloved leader!
[as he points to his flower, then two sacks of jewels]
Abis Mal, the Chief of the Thieves: And this, and that, and that are my beloved leader bonus.
Thief: And what is *our* reward?
[the other thieves grumble in question]
Abis Mal, the Chief of the Thieves: [tossing a bag of coins to them] Here you go. Good work, boys. Very successful raid.

Egg Vendor: [about his ruined eggs] My eggs! Ruined! Who will pay for them?
Abis Mal, the Chief of the Thieves: Oh, go away!
Egg Vendor: GUARDS! GUARDS!
[the guards arrive led by Razoul]
Razoul the Chief Guard: What is the trouble here?
Fazal: [recognizing Abis Mal] It is that thief, Abis Mal!
[one of Abis Mal's thieves seizes the reins of the horse and the egg cart speeds off with Abis Mal clinging to its back]
Razoul the Chief Guard: After them!
[the guards and the egg vendor give chase]