Charlie Sheen credited as playing...
Aramis
- Porthos: The picnic was delicious, the champagne was excellent, remind me to send the Cardinal a note.
- D'Artagnan: The Cardinal! We have to hurry!
- Porthos: You two have a date?
- D'Artagnan: No. It's the Cardinal. He's conspiring against the king.
- Aramis: Tell us something we don't know.
- [five Cardinal's guards ride up as Athos and D'Artagnan prepare to duel]
- Athos: Only a fool would try and arrest us twice in one day.
- Jussac: You're under arrest.
- Aramis, Porthos: A fool.
- Jussac: Are you coming peacefully or do you intend to resist?
- Porthos: Oh don't be so stupid, of course we intend to resist! Just give us a moment, all right?
- [to his comrades:]
- Porthos: Five of them, three of us. Hardly seems fair.
- Aramis: Maybe we should give them a chance to surrender.
- D'Artagnan: Excuse me, but there's four of us.
- Athos: It's not your fight. You're not a Musketeer.
- D'Artagnan: I may not wear the tunic, but I believe I have the heart of a Musketeer.
- Porthos: Warrior!
- Aramis: Poet!
- Athos: You got a name, boy?
- D'Artagnan: D'Artagnan.
- [Porthos and Aramis exchange a surprised glance]
- Athos: Athos, Porthos, Aramis.
- Porthos: Pleased to meet you again.
- Aramis: Pleasure.
- Porthos: Everyone acquainted?
- [the four whirl around and unsheathe their swords]
- Porthos: NOW, we are prepared to resist you!
- Aramis: As morning hues of sun swept fire caress your passion face. Alone with thee in pure desire, to worship your untold grace. My soul would cry in silent prayer, for hours spent apart. Your essence warms the evening air, as I dance into your heart.
- D'Artagnan: [preparing to start a duel with Athos] I'll be with you gentlemen in a moment.
- Porthos: Oh, he's a feisty little fellow.
- Aramis: Feisty indeed.
- Porthos: How's your head D'Artagnan?
- D'Artagnan: I'm beginning to wish the Cardinal *had* chopped it off. Will you stop whistling please?
- Porthos: I'm not whistling.
- D'Artagnan: Well somebody's whistling.
- Porthos: Barmaid's kiss left him dizzy.
- Aramis: I hear it too. Sounds like a...
- Athos: Cannon ball!
- Porthos: Oh I *hate* cannon balls.
- Athos: Your manners have not improved yet. You're late.
- D'Artagnan: You in a hurry to die?
- Athos: [Porthos and Aramis arrive] Here come the grave diggers now.
- Porthos: Athos, you cannot fight this boy.
- Athos: Why not?
- Porthos: I'm fighting him.
- D'Artagnan: Not until 1 o'clock.
- Aramis: I have a duel with him too.
- D'Artagnan: Not until 2 o'clock.
- Porthos: You, boy, are arrogant, hot tempered and entirely too bold. I like that. Reminds me of me.
- Aramis: Don't encourage him. By helping us the boy has made himself an outlaw as well.
- Athos: Not if he leaves Paris right now.
- D'Artagnan: I can't leave now, I just got here.
- Porthos: Go home. Find a wench, raise fat babies, live a good long life.
- D'Artagnan: What about the motto of the Musketeers? All for one and one for all.
- Athos: Wake up boy. The Musketeers are just a dream.
- [Aramis is unconscious after being shot at by the Cardinal, Porthos is trying to revive him]
- Athos: Is he dead?
- [Porthos moves the crucifix round Aramis' neck and Aramis regains consciousness violently]
- Athos: Gently! Gently!
- Aramis: [groans and looks at the crucifix which stopped the bullet] See? There is a God.
- [last lines]
- D'Artagnan: So what do we do now? What's next?
- Porthos: Well, we protect the King.
- Aramis: Protect the Queen.
- Porthos: In the name of God. And France, correct?
- Aramis: France indeed.
- [Girard and his brothers have caught up with D'Artagnan. At the other end of the street they draw swords]
- Girard: D'Artagnan! My sister's honor will not wait a moment longer.
- D'Artagnan: I'll handle this.
- Porthos: D'Artganan, we also protect each other.
- D'Artagnan: All for one.
- Porthos, Aramis, Athos: And one for all.
- [Girard's eyes widen]
- Girard: RUN!
- [Girard and co are pursued by all the musketeers]
- D'Artagnan: As morning hues of sunswept...
- Aramis: Fire!
- D'Artagnan: ...fire caress your... poisoned face.
- [Aramis looks pained. D'Artagnan gives up, and sweeps the bar maid into a kiss]
- Porthos: I declare, the boy's a natural!
- Aramis: Ah, thank you. You broke my fall perfectly. I do apologize for the inconvenience.
- D'Artagnan: Get off me!
- Aramis: If there's one thing I can't abide, it's rudeness.
- D'Artagnan: You fell on me!
- Aramis: And I apologized for it.
- D'Artagnan: Well your apology is not accepted.
- Aramis: I hope your sword is as quick as your mouth.
- D'Artagnan: It's quicker.
- Aramis: Ah, a duel then.
- D'Artagnan: A duel.
- Aramis: Meet me by the Carmes-Deschaux Monastery at two o'clock.
- D'Artagnan: I'll be there.
- Aramis: As will I.
- D'Artagnan: Three duels in one day. Hmm.
- [five Cardinal's Guards arrive in an inn, two patrols of their comrades are either bound and gagged or unconscious]
- Jussac: What is this?
- Athos: We are having a private party celebrating the demise of the Musketeers. Go away.
- Aramis: Athos. Is that any way to greet our guests? Gentlemen, don't be shy, come in. Your friends have been expecting you.
- Jussac: You are under arrest.
- Athos: Under whose authority?
- Rochefort: Mine.
- Aramis: Ah. Hello again, Cyclops.
- Aramis: Leaving so soon?
- Cardinal Richelieu: Oh you know, I abhor bloodshed
- Aramis: Especially your own.
- Cardinal Richelieu: Stand aside.
- Aramis: You are under arrest, charged with treason.
- Cardinal Richelieu: You of all people should know that the Cardinal does not answer to the laws of men.
- Aramis: Then you'll answer to God.
- Cardinal Richelieu: [shoots Aramis] You first.
- Aramis: You will never harm another soul ever again. My promise to God.
- King Louis: Wait.
- [punches Cardinal Richelieu, knocking him into the water]
- Aramis: Well done, Your Majesty.
- D'Artagnan: Why's Athos sitting by himself?
- Aramis: He takes his drinking very seriously. Not to worry; he'll be his usual charming self by morning.