Hugo Weaving credited as playing...
Tick • Mitzi
- Bernadette: No, I'll join this conversation on the proviso that we stop bitching about people, talking about wigs, dresses, bust sizes, penises, drugs, night clubs, and bloody Abba!
- Tick: Doesn't give us much to talk about then, does it?
- Tick: [Tick and Bernadette are discussing what it would be like to have children] What happens if they turn out like Adam?
- Bernadette: You stuff 'em back in and ask for a refund.
- Mitzi: [to Felicia] You know, there are two things I don't like about you, Felicia... your face. So how 'bout shutting both of them?
- Bernadette: Oh. Uh, gather around girls, uh, let me show you a trick. You, um, drink the Gin...
- [guzzles the entire contents]
- Bernadette: Aaah! Uh, fill the bottle up with water and then put it back in the fridge.
- Mitzi: Va-t'en vous. What about the scotch?
- Bernadette: Aha! That's where the complimentary tea bags come in handy.
- Mitzi: [about Trumpet] , You know, I never heard him play.
- Bernadette: Play? He didn't *play*, dear. Trumpet didn't have a single musical bone in his body. No, Trumpet had an unusually large foreskin. So large, in fact, that he could wrap the entire thing around a Monte Carlo biscuit.
- Aboriginal Man: So... You actually make money by dressing up like a woman?
- Tick: Oh, sure. You can make a fine living in a pair of heels.
- Bernadette: Tony, Adam. This is Mr. and Mrs. Spencer.
- Tick: Hello.
- Felicia: Hello.
- [the car drives off leaving them stranded]
- Felicia: No, wait. Stop! Shit!.
- [after their bus breaks down in the middle of the outback]
- Tick: What's happening?
- Felicia: Um, I don't know.
- Bernadette: Oh, my God! Oh, Felicia. Where the Fuckawei?
- Tick: Well, listen to this one. After we did the ABBA show, Kevin had one of those liposuction penis enlargements.
- Felicia: He didn't?
- Tick: Yep. Do you know what they do? They siphon all the fat out of your love handles, and actually inject it into your wing-wang.
- Felicia: Ugh! Yucky! I suppose it gives a whole new meaning to "cracking a fat", though, doesn't it?
- [laughs]
- Mitzi: [as Felicia starts painting over the graffiti on their bus, which is stranded in the middle of nowhere] Purple?
- Felicia: It's not *purple*, it's *lavender*. Whaddaya think?
- Mitzi: It's nice... in a hideous sort of a way.
- Mitzi: [to Bernadette, who has started walking off] Where are *you* going?
- Bernadette: If you think I'm going to sit around watching Picasso take on the public transit system, you've got another thing coming. I'll be back with the cavalry in a couple of hours.