Chris Elliott credited as playing...
- Dogbert: They say only the good die young. If that works both ways, I'm immortal.
- Dilbert: What makes you qualified to be a reporter?
- Dogbert: I'm willing to to violate anyone's privacy for my personal gain and then claim with a straight face that the public has a right to know.
- Dogbert: Remember, the first rule of brainstorming is to openly mock the opinions of others.
- Dogbert: I'll bet you twenty bucks that giving doesn't feel good.
- Dilbert: You're on my cynical friend.
- Dogbert: To settle the bet, give me forty dollars and see if it feels good.
- Dilbert: That would NOT feel good.
- Dogbert: Then give me twenty dollars because you lost the bet.
- Dilbert: Did I just make a bet where I would lose twenty dollars either way?
- Dilbert: You said you'd wake me up at eight.
- Dogbert: I also said women are attracted to men shaped like potatoes.
- Dilbert: Thanks, Dogbert. You really bailed me out.
- Dogbert: Oh, it's nothing you wouldn't've done for me if you weren't you and I wasn't me and everything was completely different.
- Dilbert: That's it. I think I've done it.
- Dogbert: That's not the word on the street.
- Dilbert: What do you think an egg dream means?
- Dogbert: Hmm, probably an omen.
- Dilbert: A good omen?
- Dogbert: How many good omens involve things that come out of a chicken's butt?
- Dilbert: There only has to be one.
- Dogbert: That's outrageous. Idiots shouldn't have money.
- Dilbert: Do you ever get tired of watching bad things happen to people?
- Dogbert: That's crazy talk.
- Dilbert: What's wrong with me?
- Dogbert: I was going to wait until the second trimester to tell you but you're pregnant with the sperm of a cow, an Amishman
- Dilmom: A hilbilly, and a Martian.
- Dogbert: Nature will take its course.
- Dilbert: How long will that take?
- Dogbert: Not long. I'm part of nature.
- Dogbert: [Cubicle Syndrome] If you think you've got it, you've got it.
