Henry Winkler credited as playing...
Coach Klein
- Bobby Boucher: So that's what opening up a can of whoop-ass feels like.
- Coach Klein: Son, you just opened up a whole case of whoop-ass.
- [after Bobby demonstrates his tackling ability]
- Coach Klein: Bobby, can you do that for me every game?
- Bobby Boucher: Coach, not only will I do it for you, I... I... I... yes, yes, I'll do it for you.
- Coach Klein: Gatorade not only quenches your thirst better, it tastes better too.
- Bobby Boucher: No, you people are drinkin the wrong water.
- Coach Klein: Gatorade.
- Bobby Boucher: H2O.
- Coach Klein: Gatorade.
- Bobby Boucher: H2O.
- Coach Klein: [singing] Water sucks. It really, really sucks. Water sucks.
- Coach Klein: [it's half-time at the Bourbon Bowl and they're in the locker room] Anybody got an idea?
- [Silence]
- Derek Wallace: Hey, remember the time Bobby tackled the referee by mistake?
- [Everybody chuckles]
- Lyle Robideaux: Yeah, that was pretty funny. How 'bout the time Bobby tackled the guy from Louisville, and threw him into the stands?
- [Everybody laughs]
- Guy Grenouille: Y'all remember the time he intercepted the ball and his pants fell off, and he ran for the touchdown bare ass?
- [Everybody laughs]
- Farmer Fran: Remember the time Bobby Boucher...
- [Begins to mumble in his southern drawl, and everybody stares at him]
- Bobby Boucher: [Bobby shows up in the locker room by surprise] Remember the time Bobby Boucher showed up at halftime and the Mud Dogs won the Bourbon Bowl, do ya?
- [Everybody starts cheering and shouting]
- Guy Grenouille: Hey, moron! Hey! Moron! Duh! L-L-Look at me. I'm th-th-the waterboy. Duh! I got a wooden spoon! Duh!
- Greg Meaney: [Bobby pictures the people who tomented him in the past] Smells like you need a shower, stinky!
- [Meaney laughs evily]
- Coach Red Beaulieu: You're fired!
- [Red laughs evilly]
- Bobby Boucher: [Captain Insano and Jim Simmonds laugh]
- [Bobby becomes enraged]
- Bobby Boucher: Stop makin' fun of me!
- Guy Grenouille: Red thirty! Hut!
- [Bobby chases Grenouille, screaming, then ramming and tackling him hard to the ground]
- Coach Klein: [in amazement] Wow!
- Derek Wallace: Damn!
- Coach Klein: [after football player spits loogie in water tank] Are you all right?
- Bobby Boucher: I wasn't gonna do nothin', coach!
- Coach Klein: Well ya better do something. You gotta stick up for yourself, Bobby.
- Bobby Boucher: But what about the finally tuned athletic machine?
- Coach Klein: I am not telling you to go on a shooting rampage!