Gérard Depardieu credited as playing...
Porthos
- Porthos: [he puts the rope around his neck and prepares to jump] Farewell cruel world... farewell to useless Porthos.
- [jumps]
- Athos: [Aramis and Athos are watching the building from the outside] What was that?
- Aramis: It's all right; I sawed the beam.
- [the building promptly collapses, and Athos stares at Aramis in disbelief]
- Aramis: Well, I'm a genius, not an engineer!
- Aramis: Perhaps you should take his offer. We're dead anyway.
- Porthos: He's right, D'Artagnan.
- Phillippe: Wait. Bargain me to Louis for all your lives. You've done your best. Please let me go.
- D'Artagnan: No, I cannot do it. Even if I could give up my king, I could never give up my son.
- [they all look at him, thunderstruck]
- Phillippe: Your son?
- D'Artagnan: I loved your mother. I love her still. You are my son. I never knew you existed. And I never felt pride as a father... until this moment.
- [the Four Musketeers and Phillipe are trapped by riflemen at the other end of the hallway]
- Aramis: D'Artagnan... They're young Musketeers. They've been weaned on our legends. They revere us. It is an advantage.
- Porthos: Yes. Why don't we charge them?
- D'Artagnan: I trained these men. They will fight to the death. But if we must die - if WE must die - let it be like this.
- [He draws his sword and points it at the floor. Aramis, Porthos, and Athos, join their swords with his]
- Athos: One for all. All for one.
- Aramis: Sometimes there are more important things in life than a good pair of tits.
- Porthos: Really? If you can name me one thing that is more sublime than the feel of a plump, pink nipple between my lips, I'll build you a new cathedral.
- Aramis: Forgiveness...
- Porthos: Forgiveness...?
- [Porthos farts]
- Porthos: There... i am i forgiven? Come on... am i forgiven?
- [play fight ensures between them]
- Porthos: [a naked Porthos has tried to hang himself but failed] Aramis! You sawed the beam! You knew I would I try to hang myself and you sawed the beam! Admit it. Admit it!
- Aramis: Of course I knew! And now that you've got the idea of killing yourself out of your head you can stop boring everyone and be useful for a change. And put some clothes on!
- Porthos: Stop praying and revel with me, Aramis! I need my spirits lifted. I'm old, I'm weak, my strength is gone.
- Aramis: Porthos! I'm praying.
- Porthos: I just said you're praying. Are you deaf, too? I know you're blind, because if you'd seen the tits that just walked out of here, you'd have tears in your eyes.
- Aramis: Why are you so glum?
- Porthos: I expected action. There was no fighting, there was no killing. I was useless.
- Aramis: Porthos, I grow tired of this attitude. You're surrounded by beauty, by intrigue, by danger. What more can a man want? The robins are singing, the pigeons are cooing. Can't you listen to their song?
- [he walks off in disgust; Porthos takes off his hat when something falls on it to reveal it's bird-dung]
- Porthos: I have no appetite for food. I'm wasting away. Even women don't interest me anymore. No, say good-bye to Porthos, for he is gone.
- Porthos: [rolling in the hay] No. It's no use. My sword is bent.
- Serving Woman: It will be all right. You're just taking a while to get started.
- Serving Woman: I can make your sword straight.
- Porthos: No, it's dead. It's dead. I'm useless. Useless.
- Porthos: We all fail at faith, Aramis, you know? That's why we must eat, drink and make love to life.