Patrick Warburton credited as playing...
Kronk
- Yzma: So, is everything ready for tonight?
- Kronk: Oh, yeah. I thought we'd start off with soup and a light salad, and then see how we feel after that.
- Yzma: Not the dinner. You know...
- Kronk: Oh, right. The poison. The poison for Kuzco, the poison chosen especially to kill Kuzco, Kuzco's poison. That poison?
- Yzma: Yes! That poison.
- Kronk: Got you covered.
- Yzma: Excellent. A few drops in his drink, and then I'll propose a toast, and he will be dead before dessert.
- Kronk: Which is a real shame, because it's gonna be delicious.
- Kuzco: Okay, I admit it. Maybe I wasn't as nice as I should have been. But, Yzma, do you really want to kill me?
- Yzma: Just think of it as you're being let go, that your life's going in a different direction, that your body's part of a permanent outplacement.
- Kronk: Hey, that's kinda like what he said to you when you got fired.
- Yzma: I know. It's called a "cruel irony", like my dependence on you.
- Waitress: Ordering. Three pork combos, extra bacon on the side, two chili cheese samplers, a basket of liver and onion rings, a catch of the day, and a steak cut in the shape of a trout. You got all that, honey?
- Kronk: Three oinkers wearing pants, plate of hot air, basket of Grandma's breakfast and change the bull to a gill, got it.
- [Yzma and Kuzco never see each other. When one exits, the other enters]
- Yzma: Make me the special. And hold the gravy!
- Kronk: Check. Pickup!
- Kuzco: You know what? On second thought, make my omelette a meat pie.
- Kronk: Meat pie. Check.
- Yzma: Kronk! Can I order the potatoes as a side dish?
- Kronk: I'll have to charge you full price.
- Yzma: [annoyed] Ooh.
- Kuzco: Hey, how about a side of potatoes, my buddy?
- Kronk: You got it. Want cheese on those potatoes?
- Yzma: Thank you, Kronk. Cheddar will be fine.
- Kronk: Cheddar spuds coming up.
- Kuzco: Spuds yes, cheese no.
- Kronk: Hold the cheese.
- Yzma: No, I want the cheese.
- Kronk: Cheese it is.
- Kuzco: Cheese me no "likee."
- Kronk: Cheese out.
- Yzma: Cheese in!
- Kronk: Ah, come on. Make up your mind!
- Kuzco: Okay, okay, on second thought...
- Yzma, Kuzco: ...make my potatoes a salad.
- [Having accidentally turned Kuzco into a Llama instead of having him assassinated as planned]
- Yzma: Take him out of town and finish the job now!
- Kronk: What about dinner?
- Yzma: Kronk, this is kind of important.
- Kronk: How about dessert?
- Yzma: Well, I suppose there's time for dessert.
- Kronk: And coffee?
- Yzma: All right. A quick cup of coffee. THEN TAKE HIM OUT OF TOWN AND FINISH THE JOB!
- [Kronk's Shoulder Angel and Devil debate saving Kuzco]
- Kronk's Shoulder Devil: Listen up, big guy. I got three good reasons why you should just walk away. Number one. Look at that guy! He's got that sissy stringy music thing.
- Kronk's Shoulder Angel: We've been through this. It's a harp, and you know it.
- Kronk's Shoulder Devil: Oh, right. That's a harp, and that's a dress.
- Kronk's Shoulder Angel: Robe!
- Kronk's Shoulder Devil: Reason number two. Look what I can do. Ha-ha, ha!
- [does one-armed handstand]
- Kronk: But what does that have to do with anything?
- Kronk's Shoulder Angel: No, no. He's got a point.
- Kronk: Listen, you guys. You're sort of confusing me, so, uh, begone... or, uh, y'know, however I get rid of you guys.
- Kronk's Shoulder Devil, Kronk's Shoulder Angel: That'll work.
- [Angel and devil disappear]
- Yzma: Looking for this?
- Yzma: [holds up the vial of human extract]
- [Kuzco and Pacha gasp]
- Kuzco: No! It can't be! How did you get back here before us?
- Yzma: Uh...
- [pauses]
- Yzma: ...how *did* we, Kronk?
- Kronk: Well, ya got me. By all accounts, it doesn't make sense.
- [Kronk holds up a map of the two parties' trails, showing Yzma's and Kronk's falling down a canyon halfway through]
- Yzma: Oh, well. Back to business.
- Yzma: Kronk! Why did I think you could do this? This one simple thing! It's like I'm talking to a monkey.
- Kronk's Shoulder Angel: Whoa now!
- Yzma: A really, really big stupid monkey named Kronk!
- Kronk's Shoulder Devil: Ouch.
- Yzma: And do you want to know something else? I've never liked your spinach puffs!
- [Kronk, Shoulder Angel, and Shoulder Devil all simultaneously gasp]
- Yzma: Never!
- [Kronk begins to cry]
- Kronk's Shoulder Devil: That's it.
- [cocks pitchfork like a gun]
- Kronk's Shoulder Devil: She's goin' down.
- Kronk's Shoulder Angel: Now, now, remember, guys. From above, the wicked shall receive their just reward.
- [they look up at the chandelier which is illuminated with heavenly light while angelic music plays]
- Kronk's Shoulder Angel, Kronk's Shoulder Devil, Kronk: That'll work.
- [Kronk cuts the rope to the chandelier, but it falls around Yzma, instead of on her]
- Kronk: Strange. That usually works.
- Yzma: And so does *this*!
- [pulls lever for trap door]
- Kronk: Ah. Should've seen that coming. Whoa!
- [last lines]
- Kronk: My acorn is missing.
- Junior Chipmunk Class: Squeak, squeakin', squeak, squeakity.
- Kronk: Did you eat the acorn?
- Junior Chipmunk Class: Squeaker, squeak, squeak, squeakin'?
- Kronk: You owe me a new acorn.
- Junior Chipmunk Class: Squeak squeak squeak, squeak, squeaker...
- [one boy nudges Yzma]
- Yzma Kitty: [sulky] Squeakin'.
- Kronk: I'm so proud of you guys.
- [Yzma is sleeping in a huge tent, while Kronk is in a tent so small it only covers his waist. Suddenly Kronk jerks awake]
- Kronk: The peasant, at the diner!
- [pause]
- Kronk: He didn't pay his check.
- [falls back asleep, but then jerks back up]
- Kronk: It's the peasant who I saw leaving the city who disappeared into the crowd with Kuzco in the back of his cart. He must have taken him back to his village, so if we find the village, we find him, and if we find him, we find Kuzco. Oh, yeah, it's all comin' together. Yzma!
- [runs into her tent]
- Yzma: What?
- [Yzma sits up with cold cream on her face and cucumbers on her eyes]
- Kronk: [recoiling] Aah!
- Yzma: This had better be good!
- [the drink is poisoned]
- Yzma: Kronk, the emperor needs his... drink!
- Kronk: Right. Oh...
- [winks at Yzma]
- Kronk: ...riiiiiiggghhht.
- [goes to grab drink and realizes that he doesn't know which one it is; takes the drinks away to pour the poison again]
- Kuzco: Hey, Kronky, everything okay back there?
- Kronk: [mixing the drinks together before refilling all the cups] Oh, uh, the drinks were a bit on the, uh...
- [small explosion from each of the cups]
- Kronk: ...warm side. Hehe. Hey, did ya see that sky today? Talk about blue.
- Yzma: Yes, Kronk. Riveting. A toast, to the emperor! Long live Kuzco!
- Kronk: [to Yzma trying to make it sound like he's coughing] Don't drink the wine. Poison.
- [Yzma and Kronk are trapped in a dark locked room in Pacha's house]
- ChiCha: What do you mean the door's stuck? Try jiggling the handle.
- Yzma: There is no handle in here.
- ChiCha: [holding the door handle] There's not? Are you sure?
- Yzma: All right, I've had enough of this. Tell us where the talking llama is and we'll burn your house to the ground.
- Kronk: Er, don't you mean or?
- Yzma: [even more angrily] Grr, tell us where the talking llama is *or* we'll burn your house to the ground.
- Chaca: Well, which is it? That sounds like a pretty crucial conjunction.
- Yzma: [about the potion they used on Kuzco] Let me see that vial.
- [the Death Label was actually that of a Llama folded up slightly, causing confusion]
- Yzma: This isn't poison. This is extract of... llama!
- Kronk: You know, in my defense, your poisons all look alike. You might think about relabeling some of them.
- Kronk's Shoulder Angel: You're not just gonna let him die like that, are you?
- Kronk: My shoulder angel.
- Kronk's Shoulder Devil: Don't listen to that guy. He's trying to lead you down the path of righteousness. I'm gonna lead you down the path that *rocks*.
- Kronk's Shoulder Angel: Oh, come off it.
- Kronk's Shoulder Devil: *You* come off it.
- Kronk's Shoulder Angel: You.
- Kronk's Shoulder Devil: You.
- Kronk's Shoulder Angel: You.
- Kronk's Shoulder Devil: You infinity.
- [Shoulder Angel grrs]
- ChiCha: So, remind me again how you're related to Pacha?
- Yzma: Why, I'm his third cousin's brother's wife's step-niece's great aunt. Twice removed.
- ChiCha: Uh-huh.
- Yzma: Isn't that right, Kronk?
- [Kronk is playing jump rope with Chaca and Tipo]
- Chaca: Ninety-nine monkeys jumping on the bed.
- Kronk: One fell off and bumped his head.