Michael Dean Jacobs credited as playing...
Maxxx Orbison
- Maxxx Orbison: Put your tongue in her mouth, for Christ's sake!
- Joe Young: How would Christ benefit from me putting my tongue in someone's mouth?
- Maxxx Orbison: What's your name, again?
- Sancho: I am Sancho.
- Maxxx Orbison: Look, I get a lot of people auditioning all the time. What makes you think that you'd be good enough for porno?
- Sancho: I am Sancho.
- Maxxx Orbison: Great... but what do you do?
- Sancho: What do I do? I am Sancho.
- Maxxx Orbison: And...?
- Sancho: And there are many Jeffs in the world, and many Toms as well. But I... am Sancho.
- Maxxx Orbison: And...?
- Sancho: Are you Sancho? No you are not. Neither is Scott Baio Sancho. Frank Gifford is not Sancho. But I...
- Maxxx Orbison: You... are Sancho!
- Sancho: That's right.
- Maxxx Orbison: Okay, you're hired.
- Lisa: [to Maxxx] You pig, you're responsible for degrading all of those women.
- Clark: Equally degradable in pornographic films.
- Lisa: Men are always in a position of power.
- Rodgers: They're the ones who want the product so bad, they're the victims.
- Lisa: Well, it exploits men by exploiting women.
- Clark: Hence, it exploits people.
- Maxxx Orbison: [pissed off] SHUT UP!
- Clark: Yeah.
- Maxxx Orbison: I do what i do and i make a lot of money and i don't care what i do to people because they're all idiots.
- Clark: Yeah.
- Maxxx Orbison: Especially you Clark, you pig fucking hunk of shit!.
- Clark: Yeah.
- [Joe is introduced to the young actresses he'll be co-starring with]
- Joe Young: Oh... I, I can't say that.
- Maxxx Orbison: Say what?
- Joe Young: What are they called?
- Maxxx Orbison: The Assfuck Twins.
- Joe Young: I can't say that. Can we call them something else?
- Maxxx Orbison: But they're the Assfuck Twins.
- Joe Young: Well I know, but um, couldn't I call them the Naughty Twins or something?
- Maxxx Orbison: No, you *couldn't* just call them the Naughty Twins. They're the Assfuck Twins. Why would you call them The Naughty Twins when they get fucked in the ass all the time?
- Joe Young: Well, that's pretty naughty.
- T-Rex: Hi fellas, I'm ready to fuck.
- Orgazmo: Huh?
- T-Rex: You want me on top?
- Orgazmo: Uh... NO! I'll be on top!
- T-Rex: You're gonna make me cum, or I'm gonna kick your butt!
- Maxxx Orbison: Aaaand... action!
- [T-Rex throws Orgazmo down and starts dry humping him]
- T-Rex: Oh! Come on nah! Come on nah! You make me so hot nah! You make me so hot!
- Maxxx Orbison: You get me some nice close-ups... and you give me a nice slow zoom, starting with a medium closeup on the cock... and then widening out to an establishing shot.
- Camera Man: Genius.
- Maxxx Orbison: Okay people, let's go! Lights on!
- Dave the Lighting Guy: Lights are on. It's stable, Captain, Woohoo! Let's see some fuckin' action!
- Maxxx Orbison: Dave?
- Dave the Lighting Guy: Yeah?
- Maxxx Orbison: Calm down.
- Dave the Lighting Guy: Right. Sorry.
- Interviewer: What's the difference between Orgazmo and your previous porn titles, like Schindler's Fist?
- Maxxx Orbison: I really think history will describe Orgazmo better than I possibly could.
- Doctor: Your testicles have grown to the size of Florida oranges.
- Maxxx Orbison: Don't you think I notice THAT? Tell me something I don't know, you cocky PRICK!
- Doctor: I am going to have to amputate your pee pee.
- Saffi: Who will I be fucking in this scene?
- Maxxx Orbison: Um, you'll be fucking Ben and Rodgers. By the way, this is our new Orgazmo.
- Saffi: Hi. Are we fucking?
- Maxxx Orbison: No, we'll be bringing in a stunt cock.
- Saffi: And I'm NOT doing any ass-licking in this scene!
- Maxxx Orbison: Yes, yes, no ass-licking!
- Saffi: I'm not an ass-licker!
- [Walks away]
- Maxxx Orbison: [shaking his head] Give 'em an inch, and they take a mile.
- Lisa: Men like you make me sick! Jesus is going to put an end to you.
- Maxxx Orbison: If Jesus Christ wants to bring Maxxx Oribson down, he's going to need a lot of help.