Kevin Nealon credited as playing...
Man at the Bar
- Page Conners: Why, for once, can't we pick someone who's just a little bit cute?
- Max Conners: Dean was kind of cute.
- Page Conners: You're in serious denial.
- Max Conners: Cute is dangerous. Cute leads to feeling, which leads to screwing, which leads to screwed.
- Page Conners: I know that we can make that Doctor and his Mom work for us.
- Max Conners: Page, we're going with Tensy and that's that.
- Page Conners: That is not that! Look, if you wanna go with Tensy, go with Tensy, okay? I'm working Davis.
- Max Conners: Page, I've told you before. No simultaneous cons, too many angles. They always go bad.
- Page Conners: Yeah, but it's not just that, is it?
- Max Conners: What?
- Page Conners: You don't think I can be the primary, do you?
- Max Conners: I didn't say that, although it does take an enormous amount of skill.
- Page Conners: I can make men do anything.
- Max Conners: Boys. You can make boys do anything: Gas station attendants, bartenders, the occasional migrant worker. A one-shot seduction is child's play compared to getting someone to marry you in three months.
- Page Conners: Four months.
- Max Conners: What?
- Page Conners: Well, it took you four months this time. You used to be able to do it in three.
- Max Conners: What are you saying? That I'm losing it? I'm getting too old?
- Page Conners: I didn't say that.
- Max Conners: I'm in terrific shape. Feel my butt.
- Page Conners: Ugh, I am not going to feel your butt again, Mother, okay? We all know it's wonderful.
- Max Conners: Tell you what. We'll play for it. Winner picks the mark.
- Page Conners: Great. I've got cards.
- Max Conners: Right. I'm gonna to trust your cards. See that guy over there at the bar? First one to get him to buy her a drink wins.
- Page Conners: Deal.
- Page Conners: [Walking over to the bar, sitting next to their target] Hi. It's hot.
- Man at the Bar: Yeah. Sure is.
- Max Conners: [comes over, sits down next to the other side of their target] Hi.
- Man at the Bar: [smiles at Max and turns back to page, holding a cigarette in her mouth] Let me get that for ya.
- [lights her cigarette]
- Max Conners: [Max drops her shoe] Oh, my. Would you?
- Man at the Bar: Sure.
- [eagerly places her shoe back on her foot]
- Max Conners: You're so kind. I'm Betty.
- Max Conners: Hi, my name is...
- Page Conners: [interrupts, grabbing onto his peanuts] Excuse me, may I... grab your nuts?
- [eats one of his peanuts]
- Page Conners: Mmm, salty.
- [Max begins coughing]
- Max Conners: Are you okay? Can I get you a drink?
- Man at the Bar: We go with Tensy.
- Page Conners: Stupid jerk!
- [gets up and walks away, leaving the man confused]