- Geraldine Ferguson: What's your real name?
- Columbo: Lieutenant Columbo.
- Geraldine Ferguson: Your first name.
- Columbo: Lieutenant.
- Geraldine Ferguson: Geraldine Ferguson: He's about yay tall, no neck, lots of muscle, looks like the guy that played in Rocky.
- Sheila Byrnes: [speaking on payphone] If it's Thursday night, it's a 'no.' Why can't you make it for-
- [gunshots]
- Sheila Byrnes: [sighs] I have to hang up, Thelma. They're shooting upstairs.
- Mo Weinberg: [Columbo knocks on his apartment door] Just a minute! I'm in the bathroom!
- [Columbo takes out a notebook and pencil and writes]
- Mo Weinberg: [hides behind the door with a gun] Come in. It's open.
- [the piece of paper Columbo wrote on slips through the door. The piece of paper reads, "You're a horse's ass"]
- Columbo: [kicks the door open and bursts in] Drop the gun! Move over there!
- [closes the door]
- Columbo: What were you gonna do? Hit me in the head and steal my piece of the photo?
- Mo Weinberg: No. I wasn't gonna hit you on the head.
- Columbo: No? Not in the head? Where? In the knee?
- Mo Weinberg: I wasn't gonna hit you anywhere.
- Columbo: What we're you gonna do, shoot me?
- Mo Weinberg: You kidding? No.
- Columbo: Not shoot me. That's how you greet people? Hide behind the door with a gun?
- Mo Weinberg: I thought you were someone else.
- Columbo: Mo, you had an accident to your head when you were a kid, or you were born retarded?
- Mo Weinberg: Why are you insulting me?
- Columbo: You're insulting me, with your lying!
- Mo Weinberg: Hey, loosen up, pal! What's your problem?
- Columbo: You want to make two million?
- Mo Weinberg: Yeah!
- Columbo: So do I! Here, your gun. Do we shake hands all over again?
- Mo Weinberg: I'd like to.
- [they shake hands]
- Columbo: Let's see your piece of the picture.
- Mo Weinberg: Let's see yours.
- Columbo: Oh, the mutual faith and trust society.
- Mo Weinberg: Okay. We'll do it together.
- [they both take out their pieces of the picture]
- Mo Weinberg: Is that Firth's piece?
- Columbo: Yeah. I got it from Firth.
- Mo Weinberg: Oh, we're gonna be good partners. Look at this. They fit. And now the names.
- Columbo: Eugene Edward Ehrbach.
- Mo Weinberg: Geraldine Ferguson.
- Columbo: Ehrbach's dead.
- Mo Weinberg: What? What the hell? What're you're...
- Columbo: He was killed Wednesday. The cops found him...
- Mo Weinberg: Dead?
- Columbo: Yep.
- Mo Weinberg: What is this, a double-cross or what?
- Columbo: You're gonna have to learn to calm down.
- Mo Weinberg: Calm down! I'm gonna bust you're head, that's what I'm gonna do!
- Detective Sgt. Arthur Brown: And uhh... what do you plan to do, now that you're wearing that expensive suit?
- Columbo: Today is Sunday. So I'll go to church.