Helena Bonham Carter credited as playing...
Marla Singer
- Narrator: When people think you're dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just...
- Marla Singer: - instead of just waiting for their turn to speak?
- [after vigorous sex with Tyler Durden]
- Marla Singer: [52:52] My God. I haven't been fucked like that since grade school.
- Marla Singer: I got this dress at a thrift store for one dollar.
- Narrator: It was worth every penny.
- Marla Singer: It's a bridesmaid's dress. Someone loved it intensely for one day, and then tossed it. Like a Christmas tree. So special. Then, bam, it's on the side of the road.
- [Grabs Narrator's crotch]
- Marla Singer: Tinsel still clinging to it. Like a sex crime victim. Underwear inside out. Bound with electrical tape.
- Narrator: Well, then it suits you.
- Marla Singer: You can borrow it sometime.
- Richard Chesler: [1:04:51] The first rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club?
- Narrator: [Voice-over] I'm half asleep again; I must've left the original in the copy machine.
- Richard Chesler: The second rule of Fight Club - is this yours?
- Narrator: Huh?
- Richard Chesler: Pretend you're me, make a managerial decision: you find this, what would you do?
- Narrator: [pauses] Well, I gotta tell you: I'd be very, very careful who you talk to about that, because the person who wrote that... is dangerous.
- [Gets up from the chair]
- Narrator: [Talking slowly] And this button-down, Oxford-cloth psycho might just snap, and then stalk from office to office with an Armalite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semi-automatic weapon, pumping round after round into colleagues and co-workers. This might be someone you've known for years. Someone very, very close to you.
- Narrator: [Voice-over] Tyler's words coming out of my mouth.
- [Snatches the piece of paper from boss' hands]
- Narrator: [Voice-over] And I used to be such a nice guy.
- Narrator: Or maybe you shouldn't bring me every little piece of trash you happen to pick up.
- [Phone rings]
- Narrator: [Into phone] Compliance and Liability...?
- Marla Singer: My tit's gonna rot off.
- Narrator: [to boss] Would you excuse me? I need to take this.
- Marla Singer: ...Condom is the glass slipper of our generation. You slip one on when you meet a stranger. You dance all night... then you throw it away. The condom, I mean, not the stranger.
- Narrator: What?
- Narrator: Bob loved me because he thought my testicles were removed too. Being there, pressed against his tits, ready to cry. This was my vacation... and she ruined *everything*.
- Marla Singer: This is cancer, right?
- Narrator: This chick Marla Singer did not have testicular cancer. She was a liar. She had no diseases at all. I had seen her at Free and Clear, my blood parasite group Thursdays. Then at Hope, my bi-monthly sickle cell circle. And again at Seize the Day, my tuberculous Friday night. Marla... the big tourist. Her lie reflected my lie. Suddenly, I felt nothing. I couldn't cry, so once again I couldn't sleep.
- Narrator: I know it seems like I have more than one side sometimes...
- Marla Singer: More than one side? You're Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jackass!
- Narrator: I'll tell you: we'll split up the week, okay? You take lymphoma, and tuberculosis...
- Marla Singer: You take tuberculosis. My smoking doesn't go over at all.
- Narrator: Okay, good, fine. Testicular cancer should be no contest, I think.
- Marla Singer: Well, technically, I have more of a right to be there than you. You still have your balls.
- Narrator: You're kidding.
- Marla Singer: I don't know... am I?
- Narrator: No, no! What do you want?
- Marla Singer: I'll take the parasites.
- Narrator: You can't have both the parasites, but while you take the blood parasites...
- Marla Singer: I want brain parasites.
- Narrator: I'll take the blood parasites. But I'm gonna take the organic brain dementia, okay?
- Marla Singer: I want that.
- Narrator: You can't have the whole brain, that's...
- Marla Singer: So far you have four, I only have two!
- Narrator: Okay. Take both the parasites. They're yours. Now we both have three...
- Marla Singer: So, we each have three... that's six. What about the seventh day? I want ascending bowel cancer.
- Narrator: [Narrating] The girl had done her homework.
- Narrator: No. No, I WANT bowel cancer.
- [the clerk gives them both a weird look]
- Marla Singer: That's your favorite too? Tried to slip it by me, eh?
- Marla Singer: There are things about you that I like. You're smart, you're funny, you're... spectacular in bed... But you're intolerable! You have very serious emotional problems. Deep seated problems for which you should seek professional help.
- Narrator: I know, and I'm sorry...
- Marla Singer: Yeah, you're sorry, I'm sorry, everybody's sorry, but... I can't do this anymore. I can't. And I won't. I'm gone.
- [about attending support groups for diseases she doesn't have]
- Marla Singer: It's cheaper than a movie, and there's free coffee.
- Marla Singer: [after taking a bottle of sleeping pills] This isn't a real suicide-thing. This is probably one of those cry-for-help things.
- Marla Singer: I've got a stomachful of Xanax. I took what was left of a bottle. It might have been too much.
- [after giving Marla a breast exam]
- Marla Singer: I wish I could return the favor.
- Narrator: There's not a lot of breast cancer in the men in my family.
- Marla Singer: I could check your prostate.
- Narrator: You know what, I really think it's time you got out of here.
- Marla Singer: Oh don't worry, I'm leaving.
- Narrator: Not that we don't enjoy your little visits...
- Marla Singer: You know you are such a nutcase, I can't even begin to keep up!
- Marla Singer: Your whacked out bald freaks hit me with a fucking broom! They almost broke my arm! They were burning their fingertips with lye, the stink was unbelievable!
- Marla Singer: I've been going to Debtor's Anonymous. You want to see some really fucked-up people...
- Marla Singer: Slide.
- [spoken after appearing in the Narrator's guided meditation visualization in place of his power animal, a penguin]